The Teen Titans Cracktastic Lost Annual

[nevermore999]

Another thing I posted back in the day...The Teen Titans Lost Annual. It's 64 pages, yo, and every one of them is full of CRACK..


JFK, to be precise!



Robin is holding his hands in a ...awkward posistion there...combined with his expression....

And I have to wonder what magazine they publish. "Sex for the Single Superhero?"


So, Robin goes to bed in the Lincoln Bedroom when TIME freezes! Dick is of course protected from time randomly freezing by the special armor in his tunic (bwuh?.) and sees JFK kidnapped by aliens and switched with an imposter!



Yes, Robin, you would't want Babs, Batman and....Metamorpho... to laugh at you!

What is the Teen Titans reaction to this stunning tale?




Why, a  variety of hilarious expressions  of course! And Wally is a tad too gleeful his fearless leader has finally gone batshit. And no, I don't know why he and Roy are suddenly brunette.





Aqualad is useless so they leave him behind. No, really. They do. Poor Garth.

Anyway, the titans arrive by a planet populated by The Beatles.



\So this living brain thing that is their leader is all "We kidnapped your prez so he can end out war with the Violators!" (You, uh, certainly wouldn't want to lose a war with the..."Violators" now...would you?)  Robin's all "But we need him!" And Gwynnets all "tough!"

The Dick's all "Titans give 'em hell!" which is weird, since I'm sure he wasn't allowed to swear in the sixties.




DONNA DON'T GOT NEAR THAT VIOLATOR.





Donna likes to beat senseless guys and then kiss them back to life...if that's her kink, I don't judge! However, I do judge that she's apparently attracted to furry guys with afros who lick their lips salaciously and call themselves "Violators".



*dies*


Anyway, Donna tries to get Kennedy to stop fighting and do "peace talks" but he's too brainwashed and then afrofurry throws himself off the ship.



AGHAHAHWHAT? YOU JUST MET HIM! AND HE'S CREEPY!  Apparently, all you have to do to get Donna Troy to marry you is cry and threaten to commit suicide. Terry Long knew that, and Afrofurry knows that!.



Speedy and Kid Flash are creeped out like me, but Robin's not surprised by anything. Anyway, so Speedy and WG fight a little, and Robin gets the brilliant idea that if he gives President Kennedy his old hat back and RAMS A SHIP INTO HIM it will remind him of World War II and bring him back to normal.

Not surprisingly, that ship thing appears to accidentally kill Kennedy.



Love Robin's expression. I'd react the same way in someone rammed...a ray gun...into my mouth...



Kennedy loves his hats, yo.



When I was reading this, I thought that afrofurry must have had her under mind control. As you can see, I was sadly mistaken. She was basically ready to betray her friends and the president because she fell in love with a creepy guy after knowing him for two minutes. Donna Troy! Role model for all!

Also Robin calls her "wondrous one" and nothing I can say can make that funnier.




That's right, kids! It was a shape shifting alien that was assassinated, not Kennedy! Also, "Oh no! We missed the Cuban Missile Crisis! So Kennedy's imposter got us out of that, not Kennedy? So much for the alien not having Kennedy's leadership skills (as Robin mentioned earlier).

So, Kennedy thinks it would be too big a shock for America if he came back. Robin points out we kind of need him around, but Kennedy's all "noooo...gotta go to space! Screw telling my wife I'm alive!"



In conclusion, Wonder Girl creeps me out, John F. Kennedy is a space pirate, a shape shifting alien was assassinated, the Titans skipped out on the Cuban Missle Crisis, never trust a Violator and hats solve everyone's problems.

Also, Robin Dobbin.

Rest in peace, Bob Haney, you insane man, you.
group: teen titans, char: wonder girl/troia/donna troy, char: robin/nightwing/batman/dick grayson char: kid flash/flash/wally west, char: speedy/arsenal/red arrow/roy harper, creator: bob haney, creator: mike allred

Comments

[kamino_neko]

This book was cracktastically awesome.

Allred was the perfect artist to choose, too. He really made it feel '60s'.

[ravenous_raven]

...pure crack. there will be no other books that can compare to this...

[foxhack]

NIZE HAT!!!!

[zordboy]

I just can't get past Kennedy inviting Robin to spend the night in the White House. Good lord Dick, you have enough people lusting after you already...

[star_of_airdrie]

I read this a few months ago when I got it in a box lot of comics on eBay. and I thought the same thing... cause it's not just me (and because I now know this, I sleep so much better at night!)

[thokstar]

So Violator guy versus Terry Long in a creep-off, who wins?

[nevermore999]

Afro-Furry wins. At least Terry Long's name doesn't imply rape. AND he only had ONE other wife!

[cmdr_zoom]

Are you a bad enough Titan to save the President?

[supergirl]

I guess that's one way to explain the second bullet. ALIENS, MAN.

[bwhahahabeck]

Oh my God, what the fuck.

[team_mummy]

i have this one! thx for the reminder. now i gotta dig it up!

[psychopathicus_rex]

I really love the original Teen Titans. I mean, the Wolfman/Perez series was great, too, and they've certainly had their moments since then, but there's just something about the original stories that strikes a chord with me - most likely, that they weren't trying to be all SERIOUS. These were young teenagers! None of them was more than fifteen (I think)! They weren't there to get all angsty, they wanted to save the world, have fun doing it, and hang out in their secret clubhouse and dance to Beatles music when nothing else was happening. They were out to do good and enjoy themselves - fun fun fun! Comics need more 'fun fun fun'.

[digitalraven]

Now Vril Dox has to recruit JFK into R.E.B.E.L.S.

This must happen!

[lieut_kettch]

Or better yet, have JFK go into suspended animation or through a wormhole... and wind up in the 31st century. The male Legionnaires had better hide the wimmin.

[lieut_kettch]

Young Donna is suprisingly... buxom, for a teenage girl. I'm surprised JFK didn't start hitting on her.

[levyrasputin]

Oh LOL, this was funny. I'm always amused by the way US presidents are so oftenly portrayed in comics - and even in weird stories like this.

And despite the vitange design, I still find Donna extremely cute in here. oh my god I'm a total lolicon....=__=!

[sistermagpie]

I don't even think this crack. This is beyond crack. It's like happy rainbow crack.

There are too many awesome expressions, but one of my favorites has to be Dick when he's with Kennedy in the White House. He looks like he's just overcome to be with his idol or something. Or that he has to go to the bathroom.

Donna, Donna, Donna. You should seriously start to worry when your actual behavior reads like alien mind control.

[kingrockwell]

Your tags had me confused, because this clearly isn't Allred art, so I looked it up. Turns out he inked it, while Jay Stephens was the penciller.

[hurricane-jam.livejournal.com]

Just one time, I'd like the Titans to leave Aqualad behind when they go to some alien planet and then find it's a giant ocean ruled by fish people. Then we'll see who's fucking useless!

[ninjapeps]

clearly becoming a space pirate was the only logical conclusion. anyone who says otherwise is a liar.