A Valentine's Day request: Hulk Attempts to mate with She-Hulk

[proteus_lives]

Greetings True Believers! I'm here to fulfill a request from box_in_the_box and it works even better since it's so close to V-Day. ;)

Every one knows that The Incredible Hulk wants to be left alone. But what happens when he doesn't want to be "alone" anymore? A certain jade-skinned lawyer better duck and cover! Enjoy....Sorta!



Suggested Tags: char: hulk/bruce banner, char: she-hulk/jennifer walters, group: avengers, title: hulk, publisher: marvel comics, creator: paul jenkins, creator: mark texiera, theme: incest



This annual tale is called "Basic Instinct". (clever!)

Hulk is hanging out at the test ground where he was born, missing Betty and Jarella, listening to Linkin Park when he screams and leaps off into the night. At the same time Jen is chilling at the Avengers mansion wondering what Bruce is doing.

The next day the Avengers get an alert that Hulk is tearing up Central Park.



I like that page, it reminds me of Jaws.

The rest of the Avengers show up but Jen wants to try and talk Bruce down first.





Well, that didn't work well. The Avengers attack and Vision notices something strange about Hulk's behavior. Wanda puts a mental whammy on him and forces him to transform back to Bruce.





And the fight is back on but Vision has discovered the true because he watches a lot of Animal Planet.







Jen decides to ahh....take one for the team.



Kong ain't got nothing on Hulk





And Hulk is dissed and dismissed.





Hulk doesn't react well to the "let's just be friends" speech.





Emo in 3..2..1!



This always cracks me up. Jen's almost-regret at not giving it up, Hulk's manly crying-leap and Vision's animal lecture!
Happy V-Day everyone! Don't bone your cousins!

Comments

[box_in_the_box]

Trying to catalogue all the Fail in this issue would be like trying to count all the pixels on my computer screen.

[box_in_the_box]

Actually, though, here's one; She-Hulk, delivering a Mae West come-on line with a bleeding mouth and a black eye. DO NOT WANT.

[punishermax]

And that ladies and gentlemen was the day when The Incredible Hulk almost became a porn manga.

I also like how Tony just bolts at the end there.

"Yeah...uh you guys can handle that whole thing right? I'm uh...just gonna go chase after him....uh...meet you at Applebees"

[box_in_the_box]

To be fair, their entire combat strategy seems to consist of OKAY EVERYBODY LET'S EACH HIT HIM IN TURN LIKE THE FACELESS HENCHMEN IN A CHUCK NORRIS FILM, because when you're going up against the Hulk, relying almost exclusively upon physical strength is surely the best way to go. Next up, I think I'll try to defeat Reed Richards by beating him in a math contest.

[neuhallidae]

HUAGH. ::full body shudder of Ew:: I also blame this for making me look up whether that would be legal or not, because now I know that it IS legal in my state (but gay marriage isn't. hilarious).

[punishermax]

Yeah, THIS is the reason you looked up whether it was legal suuuuuuuuuuure

[foxhack]

HULK NEEDS INTERNET ACCESS AND CREDIT CARD FOR PORN!

[foxhack]

Also,

http://i345.photobucket.com/albums/p388/proteus_lives/Scan11493.jpg

Jeez, Wanda, could you stick out your butt any further?

Please?

[autumn_lily]

No! That'll just make it worse!

[cleome45]

I guess the fail is a stone, gathering moss as it rolls ever downhill.

Because mostly what I was thinking was, "Oh, Wanda. Put some damn clothes on!"

[proteus_lives]

Wanda totally got the idea for the costume from the Cher song.

[mcity]

Sweet mercy, Wizard wasn't exaggerating in the least. "...She's banner's friggin' cousin!"

[box_in_the_box]

All we need now is to post select scans of Kevin Smith's Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do, or as I've come to think of it, Rape-Man/Rape Cat: The Rape That Rapists Rape, featuring a villain called (I shit you not) "Mister Brownstone," who almost rapes Black Cat, after having repeatedly raped his own brother (whom Smith briefly made into the next Mysterio, in spite of that character having no special effects skills and no defining characteristics other than a backstory full of brotherly rape), before a concluding flashback in which a pre-Black Cat Felicia Hardy is almost raped, but it turns out to merely be a close call, until OH NO WAIT SHE GETS RAPED AFTER ALL, which Smith retcons into being Felicia's motivation for becoming Black Cat in the first place.

TL;DR version: Rape.

[punishermax]

This was a pretty weird episode of Dawson's Creek you guys.

[team_mummy]

last scan is hilarious! "Hulk fly nao!"

[auggie18]

The sad thing is, near the beginning, I was all "Yay! Look at Wanda! She's being a smart and effective leader! She even turned Hulk back into Bruce!"

Then it all fell to sadness and poo.

[mullon]

That was creepy and pointless.

[punishermax]

Hi welcome to Marvel, I'm your server I'll take you to your seat now!

[just_kazari]

PON FARR.

Excellent.

[aaron_bourque]

Paul Jenkins

Man, that guy is seriously going through all the good cred on his Spider-Man issues faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaast.

[selke]

...what the ever loving hell is this?

[punishermax]

Hulk wants to bang his cousin. News at 11.

[darkblade]

Due to the wonders of comicbook time this is only a few years before the shitstorm that is Leob's Hulk and a full gammit of other gamma mutants for him to bone that probably aren't cousins.

[iondan]

(Insert low temperature related nipple joke here) first panel page6.

[tahngarth.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this is one of the worst Marvel comics ever made. It's right up there with Avengers #200 (and I don't say that lightly). Paul Jenkins, what have you done?

The sad thing is that Jenkins gave Wanda more credit in this story (as auggie18 commented) than she ever got from... certain other writers. But it's also kind of undermined by the stripperific costumes and poses. Why is she jutting her ass at us so aggressively?

[wizardru]

Wanda has dressed like a stripper from day one. Sometimes a Vegas showgirl, sometimes a gypsy queen and sometimes just straight whore. But she has a look. :)

I...I had forgotten Avengers 200....and now you've made me remember.


DAMN YOU.

All I have to say to this is:

[halialkers]

"King Kong ain't got shit on Hulk!"

[shanejayell]

*head desk*

Just NO.

[joasakura]

Well, goddamn.

that's some brain cells I'll never get back.
:shudders: Ick.