dorksidefiker: (Not a Real Hero)
[personal profile] dorksidefiker posting in [community profile] scans_daily
Inspired by a couple of recent postings, I thought it was time we saw the Glorious History of Starsmores vs Vampires.


Resorces:
Apocalypse vs Dracula #1: 5 pages
Apocalypse vs Dracula #2: 6 1/4 pages
Apocalypse vs Dracula #3: 5 3/4 pages
Apocalypse vs Dracula #4: 7 pages

suggested tags: creator: frank tieri, creator: clayton henry, char: jack starsmore, char: fredrick slade, char: hamilton slade, char: apocalypse/en sabar nur, char: ozymandias, character: dracula, publisher: marvel



It all starts with a battle. Vlad the Impaler is out there doing his thing when an army appears under the banner of Apocalypse, and Vlad, much to his surprise, has his backside handed to him rather quickly. He is, needless to say, not in the least bit amused.

Cut to many years later...

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.... yeah, that mysterious guy watching from the shadows just does not bode well, does it?

So our intrepid policemen arrive at Alexandria House, where they are treated to the history of Clan Akkaba by Hamilton Slade, who then takes off his shirt and kills the living hell out of the first two while Jack Starsmore is out of the room. Of course, Jack returns in time to see the slaughter, and...

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From the diary of Hamilton Slade:
Today I was pompous and my brother was crippled. I went out to find out what was killing members of my clan (besides me) and was never seen alive again. It was the best day ever.

Seriously, Hamilton disappears, and after a while, the clan starts to get scared, so they call on their ancestor, Apocalypse. Of course, this is seen as a sign of weakness by their living god, and so there is a price to be paid...

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There is much bitchery between Margaret Slade, mother of Hamilton and his brother Fredrick, and her son's closest rival. Then Our Hero, Jack, returns to the story.

While Jack was off getting stoned and muttering mutinously about his family in good old Victorian fashion, he was ambushed by a a crazy old guy who he promptly brought home to meet the family.

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Scary German Guy Abraham van Helsing persuades Apocalypse to come with him and Jack to deal with the four members of Clan Akkaba who have already been attacked. They find the four clinging to the ceiling, and a fight ensues, allowing Jack to show off the power that marks him as one of the lesser members of the family.

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One gets the feeling anyone who doesn't come with the basic Clan Akkaba package is automatically labeled lesser, no matter what their powers may be.

While our band of Fearless Vampire Killers are out doing their thing, Hamilton comes home... and he brings a new friend.

Apocalypse and crew return to Alexandria House to find the place trashed, Hamilton's rival dead, and cripple Fredrick abandoned.

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While taking stock, they are promptly ambushed by Hamilton and the now undead legions of Clan Akkaba. Fighting happens.

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Hamilton continues to be pompous, and the clan decides it's not taking any crap from Apocalypse any more.

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And for someone who's supposed to be The Fittest, Apocalypse does rather poorly, even going so far as to get himself bitten. Things look bad for our heroes, until....

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Freddie to the rescue!

While the vampire hunters hole up, waiting for dawn to come, we learn the backstory of Fredrick Slade.

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Our Heroes are attacked again, but the sun comes up, and they promptly go to work destroying all the vampires and burning down Alexandria house. Apocalypse announces that Clan Akkaba is no more, and if Jack doesn't shut up about them, he can go join is now dead relatives.

Of course, Hamilton is nowhere to be found, having fled before dawn to join his master in Transylvania. Our heroes give chase via Fredrick's teleporting, where they are greeted by an angry mob of peasants who work for Dracula, shortly followed by their lord.

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The fearless vampire killers split up, with Van Helsing, Jack, and Fredrick going looking for Hamilton while Apocalypse stays to deal with Dracula. Oh, and Ozymandias too, but he's really more scenery than anything.

Of course, there's a big fight between Jack and his dear cousin, and things do not look well for the firebreather....
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... y'know, I like Freddie. I think him and Jack should have teamed up more to have wacky adventures. Just think of it! One's an opium addicted firebreathing police officer! The other's a teleporting quadriplegic! Together they fight vampires!

Meanwhile, Apocalypse and Dracula continue to throw down. I'm sure you all can guess how it goes.

Our heroes return to England, and proceed to get on with their lives.

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And none of this comes up again until one issue of Excalibur, and it once again seems to have been forgotten. The end.

Date: 2010-04-18 05:04 am (UTC)
pyrotwilight: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pyrotwilight
Ah yes, true enough.

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