Protectors of Earth, Inc.

[jkcarrier]

Superman has met a lot of celebrities over the years, everyone from Jerry Lewis to JFK. But perhaps the strangest was his encounter with a thinly-disguised Kurt Vonnegut...



(Superman #274, April, 1974. Approx. 6 pages worth of panels from a 20-page story.)





To Clark's surprise, the notoriously cranky Halibut is actually enthusiastic about talking to him and setting up an interview. It turns out, he has ulterior motives:



Meanwhile, Superman is also involved with a top-secret research project at S.T.A.R. Labs:



Sure enough, a couple of thugs kidnap Trump and take him to their hideout:



Superman busts into the arena, only to be confronted by...The Football Team From Hell!



When they start lobbing weaponized tennis balls and baseballs at him right through the cage, Superman figures out that he can get through it too:



So Superman mops up the protection racket, and all's well, yes? Not quite. Remember, this was just one branch of the organization...the rest of the group is still at large. And there's still the matter of Wade Halibut's hair-brained scheme...

Clark Kent is riding the bus home when a disguised Halibut slips him a cigarette case, allegedly containing microfilm of the "doomsday device". A couple of Protectors of Earth thugs overhear, and figure they'll add this doomsday weapon to their arsenal:



Clark uses the distraction to slip off the bus, change to Superman, and save Halibut from being kidnapped. He doesn't have time to question him, though, because he's late for his appointment with Dr. Trump:



Why Trump couldn't just set the device down on a table or something isn't clear, but we'll go with it.

What Superman didn't notice was that the other thug on the bus tagged Clark with some radioactive powder, which allows them to track his movements. They turn up at the lab, at the worst possible time:



Superman's head goes "klink klink" when you tap it? I guess that's better than a hollow "thunk".

Trump tries to stop the thugs from messing with Superman, and they threaten to shoot him. Superman decides he can't just stand by, the danger notwithstanding:



Tough noogies!



Oops. Luckily, Superman doesn't believe in the no-win scenario:



Naturally, Superman survives, the tunnel closes, and Earth is saved. And Clark finally gets his interview with Halibut:



Geez, thanks for the spoiler alert, Wade!

On the letters page a few issues later, the editor notes that "Elliot got in touch with Kurt Vonnegut and received his enthusiastic approval on the use of the Halibut character in the story." So that's cool.

Comments

[badficwriter]

ME: Making a reporter think he's found a Doomsday Device. That's not dickish at all!

ME: That scientist sounds just like Baby Bugs Bunny when he says "What--? Are there really such people?" Weawy?

ME: "I hadn't thought my innocent device could be so dangerous!" No, it only BREAKS DOWN THE FABRIC OF SPACE and could possibly accidentally suck the Earth across the universe, what could possibly be dangerous about that?

ME: Its a myth that lead-based paint is unhealthy! Superman just wants to watch us in the bathroom.

ME: It doesn't matter how many times I look at that panel of football players, my brain won't process it.

ME: Good that Superman got a new power. He doesn't have enough.

ME: Also good that the villains were about to lob basketballs at Superman. I was worried they were discriminating.

ME: Superman climbing out of the wormhole looks just like Ash from Army of Darkness. :)

[icon_uk]

So the force of the space tunnel applies all that sucking force to Superman's BOTTOM? (and I don't mean Jimmy)... that'd be like some sort of superpowerful colonic. I would NOT want to be on the other end of that tunnel when the brown stuff comes out think and fast.

That being said, and insanity of this story to one side, I DO like Clark's dismissive little one liner at the end! :)

[thehefner]

Oh, it's Vonnegut! I thought it might have been Archie Goodwin at first.

(Dr. Halibut. Heh.)

[thanekos]

Johnny Nevada's show, featuring Carnal the Stupendous and his knowledge.

[halloweenjack]

I don't know what's crackier, a Vonnegut expy deciding that he's going to fuck with some stranger's life because he can't plot, or Superman vs. the Giant Space Anus. Bonus: "tough noogies!"

[psychopathicus_rex]

Is this guy the most naive scientist on Earth or what? 'You mean there are people who would use a potentially world-destroying device as a WEAPON? Heavens to Betsy! Next thing you'll be telling me that guns are used outside of skeet shooting!'