You have to admire someone wanting to improve their lot in life

[icon_uk]

A comment on a thread further down the page raised a particularly happy memory of reading Batman growing up. I won't interrupt it with my usual asides, because it doesn't need any. Read it like I did, and enjoy! :)












I LOVE this Headmaster guy (Who I always hear with Sydney Greenstreet's voice, and if you have to ask who HE is, shame on you), and wish he'd stuck around longer, or even returned. His little lecture to the student is great, and his dismissive comment about Bruno is worthy of the Joker!

Comments

[jarodrussell]

I suppose the updated version of this would be The Crime Wiki!

[darkblade]

There is a crime religion, I'd be disapointed if they don't have a crime wiki.

[jarodrussell]

Maybe it's because I'm a fan of Oracle, and the old Barbara Gordon bits slip into my subconscious, but I've always wanted to see The Crime Librarian, the man (or woman) who collects all the secret journals of the worlds greatest evildoers, who catalogs the archived plans of the world's greatest heists, and the curator of the most secret repository of criminal knowledge on Earth: The Crime Library. His (or her) minions would be known as the Libranditos.

[icon_uk]

Hey, a chance to bring in a take on Roddy McDowell's "Bookworm" from the West/Ward show! :)

[big_daddy_d]

You just reminded me of the Batman villain The Bookworm. He was in the Adam West Batman series but I was always intrigued by him and thought he's a villain who could work if adapted to comic form doing the very things you just described as Bookworm is none for not coming up with an original idea of his own, which drives him bonkers.

[icon_uk]

Wickedpedia?

[darkblade]

You just know Bruce (and every other tech inclined hero) would troll it adding information to encourage criminals to remain superstitious and cowardly.

[jarodrussell]

Well, it'd probably reside on the Unternet, or something similar since Red Robin and Anarky seem to have poked a bunch of holes in that.

[icon_uk]

Now we know what the most popular webpage on this Unternet thing would be! :)

Right, we have wickedpedia...

So.... what would be the evil versions of other popular webpages

google?
tvtropes?
amazon?

I assume scans_daily would be relatively unchanged (I knew all those tied up Robins would be useful for something)

[bradhanon]

"If you ask an undercover cop if he's a policeman, he has to say yes."

"If you're shooting at Superman and you run out of bullets, throw the gun at him. This sometimes works. [[citation needed]]"

"Batman cannot be killed and drinks blood. Nonetheless, all women find him very sexy and want to be with him, but he spurns their advances because he's too cool and tormented and stuff."

"Green Arrow is a big stupid jerk with a stupid beard and nobody likes him and he is definitely not as cool as he thinks he is."

[jarodrussell]

Unterpedia?

[jarodrussell]

...wish he'd stuck around longer, or even returned.

This guy seems like the perfect partner for the pre-BOP Calculator. I can see Calculator scooping up all the info he can on heroes, and the Headmaster would sort it all out into some kind of curriculum for criminals. Maybe as a competitor to Hive Academy.

It'd have worked exceptionally well as a Blue Beetle, where Jaime and Paco went undercover as students, especially if it turned out that Paco had a knack for it.

"I don't want to be your arch-nemesis dude, even if I am making straight A's in extortion, racketeering, and forgery."

[darkblade]

I would buy that in both floppy and trade for that line alone.

[icon_uk]

"My killing teacher says I'm a natural." - Bart Simpson

[feyandstrange]

...excuse me while I curse my lack of sufficient artistic ability to give this justice.

Paco: "Brenda, why aren't you studying? You're always the brains!"
Brenda, outraged: "Are you kidding? Have you LOOKED at these textbooks?"
Paco: "Of course not! I don't read those things!"
Brenda: (eyeroll) "I should have remembered."
Paco: "I rely on natural talent! Who got an extra credit in hot-wiring vehicles lab? Paco! Who saved the earth from aliens? Paco!"
Brenda: "You are so not Shaft, so don't even *think* about singing.*"
Jamie: "Guys, can you stop fighting? I *could* use some help on the homework here! Especially since I'm the one who has to sneak out tonight and check those police records."
Brenda: "Well, ask mister criminally minded over there! I'm not reading any more of this stuff. I'll get nightmares as it is!"
Paco: (sings) "Who's the mastermind with the master truck? Paco!"
Jamie: (sighs) "Brenda, come on, we have a report due in the morning and a hijacking after that. Please."
Brenda: (Sulks) "Fine. But this textbook was written by Mengele. I can't believe I'm writing not one but *two* six-page essays on torture methods."
Jamie (suits up): "Well, maybe you can mention Paco's singing as torture."

[retro_nouveau]

Sydney Greenstreet is so much win. Not to mention James Cagney, see? Now I want a teamup of Batman and Sam Spade.

[icon_uk]

Then we can have Robin versus Peter "Wilmer the Gunsel" Lorre.

Though of course, they might want to look up what the word "gunsel" really means, because it doesn't mean what the censors reviewing (and most of the public watching) "The Maltese Falcon" assumed it meant.

[citygod]

It gives his character in Maltese Falcon a very different groove, doesn't it? Weird that it got by the censors.
And feyandstrange comment, about Bogie as Batman: nah. Bogie as Two-Face, maybe. Though Betty Bacall as Catwoman would work...

[feyandstrange]

Me, I want to see Greenstreet in this role, and Bogie as the "original" Dark and Gritty Noir Batman.

[proteus_lives]

Well, Gotham is the perfect place for Crime U.

[icon_uk]

Field trips can be a pain in the ass though... Or great if Robin is on patrol...

[icon_uk]

Modifying that to include any number of spandex clad test-opponents of both genders. (I'd hope Crime U would be co-ed and with an active GLAAD chapter)

[psychopathicus_rex]

Batman tends to attract these types, actually. His villains have such a pronounced tendency for elaborate schemes, it's not surprising that someone comes along every now and then to go 'no, no, NO! You're doing it wrong!'

[feyandstrange]

Sydney Greenstreet FTW! Although I'm not sure I'd have issued the students real flamethrowers, any more than live ammo; - these guys are clearly not ready for prime time.

[lakrids404]

Nerds!!!