Wait, WHAT? Super porn?

[sherkahn]

Newsarama is counting down the 10 most wish-we-could-forget moments in DCU history, and I missed this one.

Did THIS really happen?! Was I actually able to forget this ever occurred? Can I do it again?



From the page...


SUPER-STAG FILM
You've heard about this one, right? In Action Comics #592 and #593, shortly after Crisis on Infinite Earths, John Byrne introduced a new villain named Sleez, who manages to trick Superman and Big Barda into filming a sex tape with each other. Yep.

Mr. Miracle, Big Barda's husband and fellow New God, wasn't too happy to find out -- wait, let's rewind. Mr. Miracle saw the film because Darkseid gave him a copy of the tape. That's right -- Darkseid, the ruler of Apokolips and generally the worst dude around in the DC Universe, tasked his minions to hit up the porno shops in Metropolis in search of a stag film on VHS.

This actually all might be pretty funny in an Elseworlds or "Bizarro Comics" story, but no, it was right there in continuity, filling two issues of one of the longest-running series in American comic book history.

Comments

[darkknightjrk]

Yep. This is partly why I laugh when I hear people say that John Byrne revolutionized and got the character of Superman.

[blackruzsa]

....
wow. I don't know whether to laugh or.... no, actually, I'm still laughing.

[blake_reitz]

Seriously, this is one of my favorite Darkseid moments. Shows up in Scott Free's house, sitting in Scott's favorite chair, drinking Scott's good brandy, and hands him a tape of Superman bangin' his wife.

Sometimes being the God of All Evil is the subjugation of worlds and the of the destruction of free thought. Other times, it's little victories. Like this.

[dr_archeville]

Aw, I thought this was going to be about the new crop of superhero-themed pornos that the studios have been making (latest ones I've heard of are a JL one [with Ron Jeremy as the Penguin!], a BIRDS OF PREY one, and a [seemingly high-end] Spidey one).

[fleur_de_liz]

The faces Scott makes when he watches the tape are pretty damn priceless too, if I recall correctly.

[naebler]

birds of prey i could get behind...
However I'm surprised no porn studio has tried to make these two comics into a porn. It'd be easy and scary at the same time.

Hell have Chyna play Barda.

[filthysize]

I remember this was posted on S_D, actually. Might be the old site, though. It seriously reads as skeevy as it sounds. That Byrne was crazy.

[an_idol_mind]

The funniest part of the whole story is that, if I remember properly, Byrne has stated that he never intended it to be an actual porno and that people just read too much into it.

[arbre_rieur]

Ditto. The quality stories of the Byrne era and beyond happened in spite of Byrne's changes to the character, not because of them.

[sherkahn]

[an_idol_mind]

Oh yeah...it's also worth mentioning that the comic comes off as seriously misogynistic. Barda is captured and mind controlled, made to dance around in scanty clothing for several days, and left screaming in terror when she temporarily breaks free only to be placed under Sleez's control again. When Superman falls under Sleez's control, he's got the "moral fibre" to resist it, while Barda seemingly has no similar qualms despite the fact that she is married. And to add insult to injury, Sleez later tries to use his powers on Scott, only to have him shake it off and state that Granny Goodness taught her subjects to resist mind control. Guess Barda was sick that day.

[causticlad]

Funnily enough, I ran across these issues last night in the latest box I pulled from the storage closet. No, I was not going to scan them.

[thatnickguy]

Certainly brings new meaning to "Superman is a dick."

[mrstatham]

So I suppose that director's berating them for not hugging passionately enough or something. Does Byrne think everyone's as dumb as his followers on his message board?

[sherkahn]

You were going to Photoshop them.

[crinos]

Linkara actually did a two part episode on his blog for these two issues.

[dr_archeville]

... given what (I've heard) he's paid escorts to do to him*, I find that hilarious.

[dr_archeville]

"Okay, Supes, now just hold her... hold her, just like that... gaze into her eyes... no, not her tits, her eyes! Now, reach around behind her... hug her... that's right, comfort her... comfort her... comfort the S*** outta her! Yeah, tell her she's a beautiful woman who makes invaluable contributions to the team... 'no, baby, you're not some second-rate Wonder Woman'... yeah, make her feel honored and respected!"

[icon_uk]

Have to say, that's one pretty impressive shit-list newsarama put together! I find myself nodding in agreement with all of them, and that's unusual for lists like that.

[an_idol_mind]

I saw Rise of Arsenal at #2 and was thinking, "That's dumb. What could possibly beat tha-- oh...right. Identity Crisis."

[fifthie]

I was trying to figure out why on Earth anyone would want to forget some nutty villain trying to make Superman and Barda do a porn. Then I realized the villain apparently, uh... succeeded. So... yeah.

Tangentally: Newsarama's "reboots welcome" headline would make sense if the people doing the reboot weren't the same people who wrote like, 70% of their moments-to-forget list. Half of which is still going to be in continuity anyway.

[naebler]

See my problem is the list had potential that they really tore apart. I'll be honest Identity Crisis could have been a good story if it didn't revolve around Sue Dibney's fridging.

The concept of members of the JLA mind wiping villains to protect secret identities made sense, otherwise all the times Poison Ivy took over Batman with her powder how come she never looked under the mask? Or the other times people have walked in others bodies?

Honestly the idea that the fight between Ollie and Carter led from this was a good idea. Shows there isn't one unified front, hell that they changed a violent offender into a joke even makes sense. I even like that they had one of their own circle be the villain was pretty cool. Overall it is a story that could have lead to a greater depth and show that even the blue boyscout isn't without sin.

Now I wasn't happy with the rape and then later death of sue, I didn't like the way they made Jean suddenly crazy. It had more impact if it wasn't insanity but true selfishness. I didn't like the way they killed off firestorm or the fact they had to make the excuse of them wiping batman's mind leading to OMAC and Brother Eye.

You take out the above issues and the story could have dealt with the underlying theme of "Some people see what they want to see."

[naebler]

Add in the line above it about someone not being forced to something they wouldn't normally do. So it's hinting that Barda would normally cheat on Scott on camera.

Course then you fast forward a decade or two to Secret Six with Knockout and Scandal and she doesn't understand the fact she shouldn't sleep with deadshot, so it hints that relationships on Apokalypse are more the merrier. I.E. in the Authority where Midnighter meets time cops when he is trying to kill Hitler so he doesnt get blown up by the mad scientist.

[naebler]

I'm torn, I loved Robinson's Starman and so I was excited for Cry, then I saw what they did and I wanted to spit acid into the face of the people who allowed that travesty to exist. Every single person, hero and villain were OOC as far as I'm concerned.

Then it wasn't bad enough they killed Lian, the daughter of the only single father who worked his ass off to come back from darkness and have a healthy relationship with his daughter. They took his arm so they could turn him 90s extreme again, then add in they make him relapse and then finally turn into a traitor with no real heroic come back.

I read that decline as someone really wanted to screw up an original titan and they couldn't touch Grayson. Garth was dead, Wally was in Limbo kinda, Donna kicking had been pretty constant and blackest night was her big swan song of suck. So they chose the only one remaining to tear down.

[thanekos]

I bet the balding director, producer, writer, and visionary's script was either " So then they.. sat on the bed! " or six to eight pages of " They fight, uhh.. Victor Volcanum [as played by him, add actor to the list] and then sit on the bed! "