([identity profile] wrote in [community profile] scans_daily2009-05-20 11:46 am

Children of Cimmerians

So Conan the Barbarian really gets around.  Almost every issue of his adventures there's a new bikini-clad babe for him to score with, walk off into the sunset with, and then ditch in time for the next issue.  But with all this action, there's a suspicious lack of Conan Juniors running around.  Savage Sword of Conan #29 supplies a definitive answer to the all-important question: is Conan shooting blanks?

This is a rather rare issue of Conan, in that it's told from the perspective of a woman.

Our narrator is a priestess at a nunnery, the boss, apparently; her daughter is brought before he by the other nuns, accused of having been caught making time with some dude.  They demand that she be punished.

So mom tells her story.  Twenty years earlier, they let some evil wizard stay in the nunnery, since it was a bad night out and they're in the middle of nowhere.  The evil wizard decided to abduct her away for some raping, and takes her to his castle.  He leaves her tied up on the bed, and, since she has magic powers (apparently not enough to free herself), she astrally projects herself away in search of some warrior to save her.  Of course, Conan is in the general vicinity.

She dismisses Conan's nitpicking of the plot, says it isn't a trick, and that she is, in fact, as hot as she looks in her astral projection (Conan's not interested in rescuing some old hag who's just pretending to be hot).

So Conan rescues her (and, again, somewhat unusually for a Conan story, witchy-woman is an integral part of her own rescue; the wizard would have killed him a number of times if not for her spell-casting or distractions).

So Connie Jr. learns the moral of the story: always run off with strange men you barely know.

The end.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah. That'd never happen in real life. (

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I didn't mean that it was unrealistic. I meant that it was unacceptable.

If you live in a place where they'd stone you to death for sleeping with a guy, and you get the chance to leave, then leave. Leave as fast as you can and never look back.