Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T (CLASH OF THE TITANS!)

[proteus_lives.insanejournal.com]

Greetings True Believers! I had several Borders coupons this weekend so I bought some books. One was a great bio of Stalin. After that serious bit of reading, I decided I needed something juvenile. So I picked up "Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T" and it is divine! Super-silly fun and I wanted to post some of the best art pages.

Enjoy bits like "Rather than take showers, Chuck Norris rides a nine-foot grizzly bear through a car wash." and "Mr. T once said, "There is no I in team, but there us a T! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and was the entirety of his lecture."






"Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall in tennis."




"Chuck Norris drives an ice-cream truck covered in human skulls."




"Mr. T was once the judge at an interpretive dance competition. He found them guilty."





"Chuck Norrisrescued thirteen infants from Charity Hospital following the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. He did not have a boat. He has not returned the babies."





"Bruce Lee never died. The true cause of his disappearance is that he asked Chuck Norris to teach him how to perform a roundhouse kick. Being good friends, Chuck Norris promised to teach him, but only after Bruce Lee embarked on an epic journey of the spirit that is still taking place entirely within Chuck Norris's beard."





"Mr. T once swallowed Corey Feldman and pooped out Corey Haim."





"Chuck Norris banged Christie Brinkley, and nine months later she gave birth to the Total Gym."




"Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created pity."





"Chuck Norris was cast as the protagonist in Terminator, but he later bowed out of the role, since he has already stopped a time war between machines and mankind. Twice."




"If Mr. T and The Fonz were to ever high-five, it would bring upon another ice age."


"What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?

ONLY CHUCK NORRIS AND MR. T WILL EVER KNOW."





Just in case this post needs a legal scan.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_dante_sparda_/ (from insanejournal.com)]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YES

[statham1986.insanejournal.com]

The one where it says how they punched/kicked one another and created the 80's is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

[unknownscribler.insanejournal.com]

It's funny because it's true!

[lieut_kettch.insanejournal.com]

The version I know is, "Mr. T once punched Chuck Norris at the same time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T in the chest. The resulting release of energy was known as the Big Bang."

[crinosg.insanejournal.com]

finally! THE BOOK THAT NEEDED TO BE WRITTEN.

[janegray.insanejournal.com]

Magnificent.

[sherkahn.insanejournal.com]

OHMIGOD.

We're still here! I can't believe the world did not explode from sheer awesomeness!

Or maybe it did and Chuck Norris and Mr. T put it back together!!

[taggerung301.insanejournal.com]

OH GOD THIS IS AMAZING

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this.

[kingrockwell]

"Bruce Lee never died. The true cause of his disappearance is that he asked Chuck Norris to teach him how to perform a roundhouse kick. Being good friends, Chuck Norris promised to teach him, but only after Bruce Lee embarked on an epic journey of the spirit that is still taking place entirely within Chuck Norris's beard."
History disagrees. Bruce Lee beat the hell out of Chuck Norris. >:(

And while I think it's an old joke, it seems only relevant to link this game I made a few years ago.

[foxhack.insanejournal.com]

The game doesn't work on Windows XP. :(

[kingrockwell]

I made it under XP :(
It doesn't work under Vista, though. I'll try updating the .exe to a more modern version, since that one's like five years old.

[foxhack.insanejournal.com]

It works in DOSBox, though! Barely, but it works.

If you made this in 2004, why the hell did you do it in DOS? o_O

[kingrockwell]

That's what the game engine ran in :(
It's been since overhauled to run in Windows and I just updated the file to the current version of the engine.

[foxhack.insanejournal.com]

I ran the old archive and XP puked it out. It said it performed illegal operations and shut it down. I'll try the new one.

[ashez2ashes.insanejournal.com]

Truly epic. I thank you for posting this.

[mysteryfan.insanejournal.com]

O. M. F. G.

Thank you for sharing.

I would say more, but Mr. T. hates the jibber jabber.

[xandertarbert.insanejournal.com]

They both avoid the one true Lord, Bruce Campbell.

Indeed.

[proteus_lives.insanejournal.com]

There comes a time we must all, indeed, Hail To The King.

Baby.

Re: Indeed.

[xandertarbert.insanejournal.com]

If given any power tool and/or piece of gardening equipment, Bruce could find at least 7 ways to kill you with it. This does not include chainsaws. There is only one way for him to kill you with a chainsaw and that is brutally awesome.

[dustbunny105.insanejournal.com]

I love Mr. T's nightgown and cap more than I probably should. I must get this book for my brother, he would adore it (just as soon as I got done with it).