Cringeworthy Comicbook Moments - Lisa

[espanolbot]

I've posted a lot of horrible things here as part of this series, but this is genuinely one of the worst comics that I have ever read. It's a propaganda comic that manages to play out like a satire of itself. Calling it cringeworthy is an understatement.

Trigger warning for child abuse.

An introduction - Jack Tracts are the work of a Jack T. Chick, though there has been some debate over the fact of whether that's his real name or not. His comics range from the ridiculous to the spectacularly offensive, giving a range opinions on everything from rock music, to how Catholics apparently run the world in secret from their underground base in the Vatican. Basic irrational fundementalist dogma.

But there is one strip that was apparently so ill conceived that it's one of the few that Chick or his company have had to retract from the twenty, thirty years that the Tracts have been published. And considering this is a company that once stated that all modern music, including rock, jazz, blues and Christian Rock, was secretly invented and run by Satan, that's really something.

And so, without further ado, I present Lisa: quite possibly the most unintentionally horrible thing that I've ever read.

*Claim fair use, as the Tracts are intended to be given out for free to people. I learnt this when a scruffy man handed one to me while I walked past a church in Chicago some years ago. And I should probably add that I have nothing against religion in general, so my criticisms for this strip shouldn't be interpreted as an attack on Christians or whatever.








...

Characters in this story, you are all terrible terrible people. Particularly you, Doctor. A child being given a STD by her father and his friends ISN'T A SITUATION WHERE YOU MOVE IN TO COVERT THEM TO RELIGION, YOU GET THE POLICE! RARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!

Fuck it, my new canon is that the guy is visited by the Spectre or Frank Castle or something shortly afterwards.

Comic from here,
http://www.fmh-child.org/Lisa.html

For non-horrible, but funny, sections of the Tracts, try this tumblr,
http://ohnojackchick.tumblr.com/

Comments

[whitesycamore]

This is one of the most vile things I have ever read and I am actually quite upset by this. Which is saying something, since I'm very rarely triggered by external sources.

Who IS Jack Chick? Is he mentally ill, or just incredibly stupid and parochial?

[icon_uk]

This is from his website, so you can decide

This is his wiki entry, whether that makes it better or not is your own decision

[whitesycamore]

That bio is written in such a peculiar tone, it really does seem... blimey.

Right after the book was printed, he was driving down the road, when his eyes were drawn to a group of teens on the sidewalk. Jack remembers, "At the time, I didn�t like teenagers or their rebellion. But, all of a sudden, the power of God hit me and my heart broke and I was overcome with the realization that these teens were probably on their way to hell. With tears pouring down my face, I pulled my car off the road and wrote as fast as I could, as God poured the story into my mind."

I get the impression that if you met Jack Chick, he would be one of those people with eyes that *just look crazy.* That's not a clinical description, you understand, but it is based on honest observation.

[biod]

Crazy eyes are a medically recognized indicator of crazy, as documented by the late Barnabus Stinson.

[q99]

He strikes me as the kind of person who'd make up a story of his life to fit a narrative.

[mrstatham]

I like this bit from the wikipedia page;

"equal parts hate literature and fire-and-brimstone sermonizing"

It's funny because it's true!

[icon_uk]

Fire and brimstone semonizing can actually be sort of fun if you get a priest of minister who is really on form, sometimes you want to clap the performance if nothing else.

[auggie18]

If you read more of his stuff, you get a bit numb to the insanity. There's a tract or two about how Catholicism is actually an evil religion disguising itself as Christianity and if you believe in Catholic Jesus, you're going straight to Hell. Also, even if you are the right kind of Christian, if you don't try and convert enough people, you go straight to Hell. Also also, the devil is responsible for pretty much all of the fun things in life. (Music, romance, tv, movies, books, etc.)

On the other hand, Heaven apparently works on a rewards system. If you convert enough people, you get a whole bunch of crowns in Heaven. (I think it's one crown per converted person.)

Plus you get a mansion handcrafted by Jesus.

[salinea]

Plus you get a mansion handcrafted by Jesus.
Well, I guess that beats a toaster.

[biod]

*Balailaka in religious discussion*
BRB, laughing forever.

[whitesycamore]

Why would he need to handcraft separate mansions when his father's house has so many rooms?

Dumbass evangelicals.

[auggie18]

*shrugs*


Why would anyone want crowns in the afterlife? Why would anyone want multiple crowns at all? It seems like it'd be uncomfortable.

[whitesycamore]

Beats me. Now *tiaras* in the afterlife, that I can understand.

[kamino_neko]

Interestin' thing about that...

In Revelation, the Beast wears multiple crowns.

Hmm...somethin' to think about.

... Well, it makes more sense than anything Chick's ever said, anyway.

[darkblade]

"I put most of my life not spent being tortured or talking to fishermen and tax collectors learning to be a carpenter. I might as well put it to use."

[arilou_skiff]

Because he's a carpenter and likes his job?

[beoweasel]

Also also, the devil is responsible for pretty much all of the fun things in life. (Music, romance, tv, movies, books, etc.)

One must wonder what Chick considers to be the 'perfect life' as he sees just about every pleasure and enjoyment to be sin. It's like the only thing you're allowed to do in the Chick World, is pray and convert people...oh, and be smug assholes. I guess they're allowed that comfort.

[filkertom]

Go reread The Witch of Blackbird Pond. Puritanism/Calvinism is alive and well.

[ardat_lili]

We had nearly the complete set in my old religious-studies department, and tore into them mercilessly. It's the conspiracy theories that are the best.
For instance, rock music is actually evil because it comes from black people. Oh yes--because Africans are demon worshippers, and their evil demon-summoning magic drumbeat rhythms are encoded in all rock and roll to bring devils to steal your soul. (Luckily, the white record execs who promote it are part of a more Wiccany brand of devil worship, so there's an evil team-up there.)
Or--and this one is amazing--Islam exists because Khadijah was a secret agent nun sent by the Vatican to find and seduce an impressionable and charismatic Arab, who could be manipulated into adapting sinister moon worship into a false religion and thereby use it to galvanize the Arab people to become a secret fifth-column army for the Vatican who would take Jerusalem from the real Christians, but they were too stupid and rebelled by going to war with the Pope instead, which is why the crusades.
The Vatican also invented Communism and Nazism. And confession is all part of a clever plan to steal and record the secrets of everyone in the world in order to blackmail them, and dates back to ancient Babylon. Also, the United Nations and the euro are part of the sinister plot to establish the Antichrist's One World Government and put Real Christians in concentration camps. Also...

[full_metal_ox]

As for those of you out there who've gone to the trouble of learning Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek and/or Latin and researching what the original versions of Scripture actually say--well, he's headed you know-it-alls off at the pass, too; all the accounts still extant in ancient languages have been Satanically compromised! (See "The Attack", in which Chick doesn't quite assert that the King James Version was personally dictated to King James by God Himself.)

[eaglet_auditore]

''Khadijah was a secret agent NINJA nun sent by the Vatican...''
That's what I read. It made everything in my head better. And sexy.
And of course I missread ''Khadijah''.

[leikomgwtfbbq]

The Catholicism ones are hilarious. What, does he think that Christianity sprung fully-formed from the head of Martin Luther?

Also, Christianity is apparently Amway now.

[aeka]

In short, he's an ignorant jackass.

[his_spiffynesss]

Um... pretty much yes.