Old Comics Are Weird: Part 1

[espanolbot]

Hal and Carol - an iconic love for the ages!



The real origin of Supergirl isn't what I expected...



Peter is as fast as lightning, and possibly a little bit frightnin'



I totally want this to be the last Batman story!



What?



Okay, I'm actually kind of interested as to what the heck's going on here...



In case you were wondering what the triggering incident that caused Lois Lane to turn herself into a black person was...



Wonder Woman: Snoopy fan!



...Seems legit?



Terry Long's bachelor party. You're welcome.


"Oh ho ho, our girlfriends are FAR more attractive than you! XD" Bah.

DAMMIT JIMMY! Stop warping reality with your "magic totem" rubbing!



They're into sex ed? Oh no, right when Riverdale was becoming the STD and unplanned pregnancy capital of the Eastern Seaboard!



The Addams Family!? Noooo! Betty, you monster!



Raven hates pants!



Ah, this explains why sex ed is seen as being unnecessary in Riverdale!



"And why I call you Eeyore? Because that's the only other time I've met a jackass before."



Blargh, in Flash as well? Well if the narration is interpreted as Barry's internal monologue then it explains where Linda Park and Wally's kids went...



And because I haven't finished driving this into the ground yet...



Then, a few issues later...

Comments

[ap0cryphal]

the racism is ew and Terry Long is squick central, but JIMMY OLSEN RUBBING HIS MAGIC TOTEM OH GOD AHAHAHAahaha

RUBBING MAGIC TOTEM

Best Masturbatory Euphemism or Best Masturbatory Euphemism? A wish granting penis, i can't unsee this now.

[auggie18]

...can...


...can you see Lois's nipples in that panel? I sorta think you can. Augh, weird.

Betty, you may have murdered the Addams family, but you are still my favorite out of all of Archie's girlfriends.

Hal Jordan: Child Molester or Hal Jordan: Racist? Now you don't have to choose! I'm sure Hal will blame Parallax for this somehow. He always does.

I'm a little surprised Candy Spice didn't come back as a super villain.

[fungo_squiggly]

"I suddenly remembered I had an appointment to interview a famous King of the Hoboes" is the best excuse ever.

It works for anything, really.

[arilou_skiff]

"We're all hoboes! And I am your king!"

I have no idea why that came into my mind.

[espanolbot]

The funny thing is that I actually have met a homeless person who described himself as King of the Bums, his name was Shakespeare, in Chicago a couple of years back.

[skemono]

I like to think he was talking about Jack Black.

"All hail the Hobo King."

[mommy]

Jimmy, no! Don't make Superman mate his parents!

[icon_uk]

Indeed, that CANNOT end well for anyone... except perhaps a team of super-therapists.

[silverhammerman]

The fact that Mary Jane calls "Kung Fu Fighting" their song is pretty great. MJ was a pretty fun character back in the day.
I don't even know what to make of that Phantom Stranger cover. I definitely want to read it though.
Terry Long. Ugh. Ugh.
I hate what I've seen of those Christian Archie comics though, they actually make me pretty uncomfortable. But then I see Dilton having trouble with his RealDoll and it's all good again.
I actually have a question about the whole "Pieface" thing. I know there was a story a few years back where they avoided calling the character that and some random dude who suggested it gotten punched. Was that New Frontier or was it some other story?

[espanolbot]

In New Frontier Hal repeats it as he'd heard the other guys calling him it, but when he threatens Hal with a wrench Jordan realises he was being an ass and calls him by his actual name.

In the actual continuity, I think that in the 1980s they had Hal respond to one asshole pilot using the nickname by being racist at the dude until he wised up and stopped.

[skjam]

Just read the Flash story (It's in the latest Showcase Presents volume), and was amused by the female Japanese character being named Tushi (not an actual Japanese name.)

[leoboiko]

Native monolinguals wouldn't even be able to pronounce postvocalic /r/ as in "wercome" or "difficurty".

[leoboiko]

[venatosapiens]

Well, madam, props for trying.

Come to think of it, can you imagine the body image problems in comic book universes?

[q99]

Seven Soldiers Bulleteer. The heroine's husband is all about getting powers because invulnerable bodies are more 'perfect'.

[espanolbot]

Oh they're there, believe me.

[venatosapiens]

I, for one, will never get tired of Hal Jordan making incredibly poor decisions. And then suffering the consequences.

I think it makes me like him more, in some strange way.

[an_idol_mind]

One of the reasons I like Hal is that he's such a doof. He's like what I would be if I had a magic ring - try to be a good guy, but end up making some really bizarre and dumb mistakes along the way.

My favorite Silver Age story is when Hal almost destroys Coast City in an attempt to get out of a marriage proposal from Carol.

[donnblake]

The Phantom Stranger cover makes me think of the New Motor.

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2008/02/new-motor-or-steam-powered-messiah.html

[silverhammerman]

How has that thing not appeared in literally every steampunk story ever?

[donnblake]

The ghost of Ben Franklin has been covering it up.

[salad_barbarian]

For some reason the sex doll flying out the window reminds me of that scene of the flying panties from Heaven's Lost Property.

[sinisterlink]

I love MJ and the Kung Fu Fighting thing. I wonder what was happening at the time that the song was playing that made her go, "Yep, this is totally me and Pete's song". I'm going to assume something involving Spider-Man. lol.

The Phantom Stranger cover is great just for the fact that the Iron Messiah robot thing looks so incredibly bored with whatever is happening.

Also love Lois just walking down the street and the guy being like, "She's Whitey!" I'd be like, "Why yes, I am white, thank you for noticing".

The bachelor party scan made me laugh where the guy is talking about Dick and is like, "Is that kid supposed to see things like her?". I'm like, "Oh please, his girlfriend wears waaaaaaay less than that stripper most of the time".

And of course, have to love everytime Hal Jordan is an idiot. Which is most of the time. He's like a stupid puppy, you just can't stay mad at him because you know he's so dumb that he just doesn't realize what a moron he is. Although he really needed a punch in the face for the "pieface" thing. Just saying.

I just gotta tell you that these kinds of posts really brighten my day, so thanks for that. :)

[eyz]

Dat Hal and Arisia :P