Why Kandor Hates Us

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Another 1.0 repost. Okay, so--New Krypton. They couldn't wait to go. But why? Our breath? Foul language? The way we turn to a sort of crunchy jelly with just one strong hug? No no no, silly.

As usual, fucking Silver Age Lois. Read this and keep in mind what a simple earthquake can do.

(c)DC Comics.

Comments

[icon_uk.insanejournal.com]

Yup, she's a monster, but... Kandor needs an air pump? Because Rao knows we wouldn't want to do anything like, say, just stand the damn bottle in yellow sunlight which would make them instantly invulnerable and superstrong and never need to worry about air again. If they leave the gravity generator on then they don't need to worry about the flying.

Because that might make them question whether, even as micro-beings, they might not be able to be of some damn use to the planet which shelters them.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

There are actually other issues. Like how lungs don't work the same when reduced in size; the molecules become too big to be absorbed.

Granted, in yellow sunlight they don't have to breathe. But then he'd only have Krypto. He wanted an ant farm too.

[katzedecimal.insanejournal.com]

Silver Age Lois would probably do that. "They're from Krypton, like Superman!" she'd think, "Yellow sunlight gives Superman powers.. I bet if I put this bottle in yellow sunlight, they'd get superpowers too!"

And she would put the bottle out in the sun... and the temperature inside would climb and climb, turning the bottle into an oven, boiling the lakes and swimming pools, slowly cooking the inhabitants, their tiny screams bouncing off the glass, until at last someone has enough super-strength - and is still conscious enough - to break the bottle and wreck horrible vengeance... Yeah, it's no wonder they hate us, really. Also, I need tea.

[icon_uk.insanejournal.com]

That's disturbingly... plausible!

[katzedecimal.insanejournal.com]

You know the one who made it out was General Zod. Really, it explains so much :-P

[angelophile.insanejournal.com]

The maximum size for pre-cut preview images is 400x300 pixels. Could you please resize the preview image for this post, which exceeds that? Many thanks!

[taggerung301.insanejournal.com]

Lois, what have you done!?! D:

[freivolk.insanejournal.com]

Would like to see Superman coming home:
"Oh Rao! What happend to Kandor? The blood! All the blood!"

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Sadly, the Kandorians did not survive our next experiment, which was with ice. We may have taken too long a break. Ah, water, water, what hast thou done?

Thanks, Kandorians. Thandorians.

[bluefall.insanejournal.com]

Well, honestly, what did the idiot expect, putting the bottle on a frigging pedestal? He couldn't set it up on the floor, or a nice stable bench? Maybe even bolt it down to something, so that wandering reporters, flying dogs, and malfunctioning Superman robots are less of a goddamn threat? I think maybe he likes being the Last Son of Krypton, if you catch my drift.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Okay, I'm looking at panel 2? And I'm looking at the obviously uncomfortable little people below her enormous pulsing hairy nostrils, and I want people to tell me their dialogue there, right before the Great Cracking.

Re: Just a question...

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Another question: Golden Age Lois was definitely a journalist as we understand it, full-on Rosalind Russell territory there. Modern Age Lois, most definitely. (Not really sure about Bronze Age Lois--she's kind of transitional)

But Silver Age Lois, as of course portrayed by male writers, was a twit, and an airhead, had only enough curiosity(when not motivated by a jealousy that would make Othello say, "Hey, possessive much?") to get herself in serious trouble, and did not seem to have the chops to be a secretary, much less a reporter. JIMMY did more reporting than she did. It appeared that hers was a placeholder job ante-husband, and that nobody--her, Perry, Clark, anyone--thought at all otherwise.

So what exactly is there to want to marry, is the irony. There's nothing to her. When I picture her, I think two things: her stupid pixie haircut(except when drawn by Gray Morrow, it would appear, like Samson's strength, Lois' intellect diminishes with less hair length) and her fretful, paranoid face, saying "Oh, what does Superman think of me?" She needed meds, bad.

Ten times a day Superman met women objectively more interesting than SA Lois, who has no life. From space. From the future. From the past. From under the goddamn sea. From his SMALL FUCKING TOWN was a much more stable and interesting woman. I'm serious, as a male, even, I'm offended(and I'm 40 so I'm just old enough to recall when these attitudes were still there, though dying). I actually get the same feeling from SA Lois as from any romance comics of the time, which is frightened. It wasn't so much women were vapid, not at all. It was that they were told every day that if they didn't pretend to be vapid they'd die alone. With cats.

I would not find a woman like this attractive. I would be sickened. It fascinates me in a sick way to understand why people thought this was good.

Lois fits perfectly into the 50s idea of a wife as someone who takes care of your house and children, who keeps her mouth shut, so who cares if she's vapid? Because you're going to cheat on her anyway. And she stays home and pops dexedrine and vacuums and vacuums and vacuums...

And then falls out the first floor window. But it's not the same. The horror, the horror.

Re: Just a question...

[niolani.insanejournal.com]

My apologies. I deleted my comment before I knew you would answered. So, for those who didn't read it, here's what I've originally posted:

Why would Superman place the bottled city of Kandor on a pedestral that would risk being knocked down by some dumb journalist? I don't know, but if thousands of tiny lives depended of me, I would put them in a more secure place. I would probably have the bottle bolted on the pedestral and the pedestral bolted on the floor. Silver age Superman wasn't very bright, in my opinion. Batman would have probably secured the bottle, because he thinks of everything.