ext_376821: [a wreathe of Kryptonite for Superman] R.I.P. - From, The Mafia (Default)
[identity profile] galateus.insanejournal.com posting in [community profile] scans_daily

I have a feeling this particular well of Superdickery has a well-beaten path between it and the Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane offices. But... damn.

Challenge! Can you guess who is... "SUPERMAN`S SECRET WIFE!"

(Can you guess? CAN YOU?!)

It starts with Lois being magically summoned in the middle of the night:

She's rescued from the cave-in by Supergirl, who reassures her there's no way Kal's keeping a secret that big; at the least, she'd know. And so Lois stays perfectly sane and rational... by Silver Age standards... until she sees Superman making a giant Super-Valentine heart out of a mountainside.

Then, the descent into madness begins.

Her first stalking victim is that "hussy" Lana Lang.

Then? Her own sister.

Finally, she starts dragging her employer down with the sheer depths of her paranoia--depths that go 20 thousand leagues under the sea, as she hunts down the mermaid Lori Lemaris. (I'm thinking she's bringing a harpoon.)

Lois dons a "frog-girl outfit," which looks exactly like a scuba suit, and discovers Lori's children--little Superman lookalikes just like in Circe's vision, except for their mer-tails. Apparently, not only can Lori telepathically talk to Lois, she can read Lois' thoughts, and though she doesn't seem to notice the CRAZY BALL OF CRAZY that is Lois' brain, she reveals that Superman is actually godfather to her two children with her husband, Ronal. Hence the super-outfits.

And then: proof! (Note that Superman and Lois haven't said a single word to each other all issue.)

Well, Superman does love to keep loved ones safely locked away with his trophies in the Fortress forever, where no one else can see or touch them... ever...

You'd think the secret-wife-and-kids would be enough to destroy Lois all on its own, but oh, it gets worse.

Yes, Super-Incest strikes again! It conquers all and takes no prisoners...

Current Mood: crazy
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...Except it was totally all Red K and super-hypnotism the whole time. Since they have an incest taboo on Krypton and all.

Really, Lois, isn't this just what they'd want you to think? To Kryptonians you're like a fly tied to a stick, with your human "emotions" and "feelings" and fragile, fragile bone structures.

Date: 2009-08-14 03:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tacobob.insanejournal.com
Nothing like a little Tag-Team Superdickery!

Date: 2009-08-14 03:23 pm (UTC)
ext_395453: (Wolverine - Rubber duck)
From: [identity profile] angelophile.insanejournal.com
My first guess of Jimmy Olsen proved sadly inaccurate. That's the way these stories normally go.

Date: 2009-08-14 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liarashadowsong.insanejournal.com
What do you mean "what issue"? Jimmy cross-dresses all the time. I think there's a webpage devoted to archiving examples for posterity somewhere.

Date: 2009-08-15 12:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bariman1987.insanejournal.com
My two favorite examples: Once when he infiltrated his own fanclub (yes, Jimmy feakin' Olsen had a fanclub) as a girl, and another time when he posed as a gangster moll and became the boss's favorite girl.

Date: 2009-08-14 03:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jlroberson.insanejournal.com
Why am I getting this inkling that Lois Lane (the comic) was in some way capitalizing on shows like I LOVE LUCY?

Date: 2009-08-14 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] parsimonia.insanejournal.com
I Love Lucy never seemed so...harsh, though.

Date: 2009-08-15 01:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr_hermes.insanejournal.com
The Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen comics were started to cash in on the George Reeves ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN TV show, as I recall. It's why the title characters are so dense and infantile.. they're based on the portrayals by Jack Larson and Noel Neill.

Now, if the Lois comic had been based on Phyllis Coates in the first season.. who was feisty, self-motivated and impatient.. then there could have been some amazing stories. But it didn't happen that way.

Date: 2009-08-14 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seriousfic.insanejournal.com
It's the "oh, yeah, we got married and CUT OUR WAY OUT OF A WEDDING CAKE!" that puts it over the top into sheer lunacy. Red K doesn't do that. No, Supergirl is just fucking nuts. Who knows what'll set her off next? Too much caffeine? A violent videogame? A really sad book she reads?

Date: 2009-08-14 04:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] parsimonia.insanejournal.com
Yeah, I like that wedding cake detail. I now half-want to see people cutting-themselves-out-of-a-wedding-cake being a Kryptonian tradition as canon now.

Date: 2009-08-16 03:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lookingforsigns.insanejournal.com
I've seen it used "realistically" in a Batman/Superman fanfic before.

Krypton does not have emergency weddings.

Date: 2009-08-15 04:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ashtoreth.insanejournal.com
You think you're being funny, but diet soda made Power Girl nutty..

Date: 2009-08-14 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] parsimonia.insanejournal.com
Why? Why why why?

I'll never understand what possessed people to write stories like this back then.

Date: 2009-08-15 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr_hermes.insanejournal.com
Whatever sold. Mort Weisinger didn't care about much except selling comics. If gorillas or heroes going bad or apparent death meant more copies being bought, he'd push for those elements. He's the editor I dislike the most in the history of comics, based on his reputation as a person and his professional judgement.

Date: 2009-08-15 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psychop_rex.insanejournal.com
Agreed - I think it's an absolute travesty that his era is the one that seems to have defined Superman for so many people. If you want definitive Superman, go for Golden-or-Bronze-Age stuff - skip the Silver, it's nothing but crazily complicated gimmicks and sadistic tricks.

Date: 2009-08-14 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This is why i can't understand why people like Dan Didio want to bring back the silver age. Do comics really need this kinf of story?

Date: 2009-08-14 05:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nymphgalatea.insanejournal.com
Yes. Yes they do.

Date: 2009-08-14 05:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darklorelei.insanejournal.com
Crack is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy and confused.

Date: 2009-08-14 07:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arbre_rieur.insanejournal.com
Because he's not. Does anyone really think a story like the above is going to come out anytime soon from DC?

Date: 2009-08-14 11:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] interrobamf.insanejournal.com
Bringing back elements of the Silver Age he likes does not mean bringing it all back wholecloth.

Date: 2009-08-15 12:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bariman1987.insanejournal.com
Your icon scares me. Is it from that Flapjack cartoon?

Date: 2009-08-15 05:19 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] interrobamf.insanejournal.com
Yes. Would you like a jelly sandwich?

Date: 2009-08-15 01:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr_hermes.insanejournal.com
The best of the Silver Age was great stuff, but to be honest LOIS LANE and JIMMY OLSEN were bottom of the barrel for DC at that time. They sold partly because anything with Superman on the cover sold well, just as anything related to Batman sells wells today (whether it's good or not).

Date: 2009-08-16 04:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starwolf_oakley.insanejournal.com
I prefer clever "Pre-Crisis references" than actually "bringing back" the Silver Age.

Date: 2009-08-14 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mullon.insanejournal.com
Damn, my money was on Luthor.

I like needlessly evil Supergir. They should bring her back.

Date: 2009-08-14 07:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liarashadowsong.insanejournal.com
If I hadn't already seen this story before, my money would have been on the only potential L.L. I can think of that Lois didn't investigate, too.

...I seem to recall seeing a scan where Lois and Lana were arguing over Clark/Kal, and he heatvisioned L.L. into a rock and was like "here's the initials of the one I love", and they were all "but that applies to either of us, Lori, Lois's sister, etc." and his only hint was "it's not Lex Luthor", at which point I cheered that he was even on the table and was sad that he'd just been taken out of the running. ;P

Date: 2009-08-15 05:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluefall.insanejournal.com
I think Supertorso proves pretty thoroughly that "needlessly evil Supergirl" is crap rather than crack in any modern context.

Date: 2009-08-15 12:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kenn_el.insanejournal.com
Lois forgave Supergirl...but immediately rode Superhorse all night long.

Date: 2009-08-15 01:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] balbaroy.insanejournal.com
It's weird, but I find the last panel with Supergirl swaddling Lois in her cape to be the creepiest part of this issue. It feels like it's leading into another story about "The Perils of Lois the Super-Mummy!"

Date: 2009-08-15 01:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr_hermes.insanejournal.com
My preoccupation with smoking in old comics has to point out Linda's foster father and his pipe there.

Date: 2009-08-15 03:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lyraeinne.insanejournal.com
...I really, really want to know how Lois thinks Lana and/or Lucy managed to hide two pregnancies in the past five years.

Date: 2009-08-15 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superfan1.insanejournal.com
Weird story, totally want to do the cake thing at my wedding!

Date: 2009-08-15 07:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psychop_rex.insanejournal.com
What I'd like to know is HOW the cake thing was accomplished. I mean, either the cake would have to be baked around you, or lowered on top of you, or you climb up underneath it through a tunnel - none of which are what one would call logistically simple.
Oh, and, um, congrats on your upcoming nuptials. (Unless, of course, you just meant 'sometime in the future when I get married'.) If you DO manage to do the cake thing, kindly explain how afterwards.

Date: 2009-08-15 07:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superfan1.insanejournal.com
Good question about the cake mystery. I meant 'sometime in the future when I get married'lol. :)

Date: 2009-08-15 08:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psychop_rex.insanejournal.com
I kinda thought you did, but I figured 'why take chances'?

Date: 2009-08-16 05:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fredneil.livejournal.com (from insanejournal.com)
I'd guess the tunnel, which wouldn't be that hard. The cake is already in place, so you just walk through a basement and up a ladder. It would take a long time to eat through the cake, though, and Kryptonian honeymoons were probably... interesting... with the couple both speeding on a sugar rush.

Date: 2009-08-16 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fredneil.livejournal.com (from insanejournal.com)
Ok, it said "cut their way out." I thought it said "eat their way out," which sounds like a lot more fun. The first is just wasting good cake.

Date: 2009-08-16 08:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] psychop_rex.insanejournal.com
Not necessarily - the chunks they've already cut out of the cake could be served to the assembled company. And the impression I got from that panel is that the lower part of the cake is largely hollow, so it wouldn't take too long - you'd just go through the tunnel up underneath it, into the hollow part, cut through the walls of the cake and step into the open air. (And more importantly, think about what it would do to your tummy to eat that much cake. You wouldn't want the newlyweds to be bloated and nauseous on their wedding night, would you?)

Date: 2009-08-15 09:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zordboy.insanejournal.com
What I love the most...

"...until she sees Superman making a giant Super-Valentine heart out of a mountainside..."

That this is a normal, every-day occurrence in the silver-age.

:D

Date: 2009-08-15 06:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ozlelila.insanejournal.com
Am I the only one who read "Red K" as "Red X?" So THAT's who stole Robin's suit!

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