Happy New Year's Eve (or Day, if it's already passed in your area)!
Tonight's offering is another British gag weekly, The Beezer #1433 from 7/2/83. 7 pages of 23, and the missing items described.( Does anyone read my lj cut jokes? )
*The Numskulls: Middle-aged man has a bunch of little men living in his head that direct his actions. Auntie wants a bookshelf put up. The host body is about to call a joiner to have it done professionally when Brainy has a "better" idea. Do it yourself! The other little men are not well pleased, but when they go to complain about the noise and sawdust, Brainy has gone off and hidden in the big toe. Blinky, head of the eye department makes the host body's eyes cross, causing him to hit his thumb with a hammer. The hammer then drops on the big toe. Auntie calls a joiner, and all the other Numskulls have a good laugh at Brainy's injuries.
*Saucy Sue: A girl who'd rather watch television than work. Today, Dad wants her to dig a trench along the fence so he can plant a hedge. Sue's not happy about having to sweat while Dad takes a nap in preparation for his own part of the job. Her fake injury dodge fails to work, but then Sue spots the butcher's van. She buys some beef bones and sticks them in the ground along the fence. Sue then lets the neighborhood dogs in to dig while she heads indoors to watch telly. A few minutes later, the fence falls over, and Dad thinks that Sue's been trapped underneath. When he lifts the fence, though, he's mobbed by dogs and falls in the trench. He's understandably miffed at Sue.
*Baby Crockett: Put-upon toddler. He isn't allowed to play with the gang, so returns to his own yard. Mum spots her little darling sitting in the sun without a hat, and decides it's time to buy him a head covering. At the hat store, all the baby hats are far too soppy for our young fellow, but the men's hats are all too big. Then Crockett spots the exact right hat in a second-hand shop. Mum isn't quite convinced, but buys it anyway. It's a Mountie-style hat, which allows him to play Cowboys with his buddies.( The British have a fine tradition of mocking military officers )
*Hugh's Zoo: A young man with an entire pack of exotic talking animals. Hugh wants to take a nap on his air mattress in his favorite shady spot. Too bad the animals are already there! Hugh lures them off by ringing the dinner gong. Eventually, the tiger, who is able to tell time, realizes that it's too early for dinner. Angered, the animals conspire to remove Hugh from the shady spot. The hippo climbs into a nearby tree, and leaps on to the air mattress, narrowly missing Hugh. Hugh thinks their plan has failed when the hippo bounces, but he was just gaining altitude to land on a seesaw set up by the monkeys, on the other end of which is the porcupine. One exploded air mattress later, Hugh is dispossessed.
*Hungry Hoss: An inept outlaw's steed. While Joe (the outlaw) is in the bank making a "withdrawal", Hoss overhears a clearly more-evil outlaw (he wears black) plotting to steal the money from Joe once the other outlaw has done the hard part. Hoss tricks Silver (the other outlaw's horse) into a locked stable, then takes his place. Blackie snatches the loot from Joe, jumps on Hoss, and discovers his mistake too late. Hoss bucks the interloper into a crowd. Joe retrieves a bag, and the pair take off. Turns out Joe got a lunchbag by mistake, but Hoss prefers this resolution.
*Young Sid: A copper's kid. Sid is trying to relax with his favorite pop music, but his father is practicing for the police band. When Sid closes the window to the box room, it turns out that Dad is playing the trombone, and needs the space. A bit later, a baker's delivery man arrives with a cream cake for Sid's mother. Sid sends him by way of the box room, and hilarity ensues. Sid is laughing it up, but then Dad lashes his arms with a garden hose and beats Sid like a drum. (That is, with drumsticks.)( Let's make fun of the sight-challenged! That's always jolly good sport. )
*Tommy's Toybox: Tommy has an alien toybox that he can build new toys from. In this case, his teddy bear gets into an altercation with some real bears at the zoo.
*Plug: A fantastically ugly member of the Bash Street Kids. He tries to build up some muscles, but weightlifting turns out not to be his forte.
*The Munchers: a family of rabbits. They wish to steal the farmer's carrots but are foiled by the farm dog until they turn the farmer against the dog.
*Smiffy: A lower-class, not too bright boy. He attempts to give the neighbor's dog a bath. It doesn't go well.
*The Banana Bunch: A gang of boys, each with one defining trait. Cookie's soup is awful, so he's threatened with expulsion. He follows the recipe, tasting the results at each step. At the end, his soup is delicious, but with all that tasting, there's none left for the rest of the gang.
*The Badd Lads: A gang of inept crooks. Fingers and Knuck are casing a farmhouse when they spot the farmer counting his pound coins. (Back in 1983, pound coins were brand new, and something of a novelty. Wags called them "Maggies", because they were thick, brassy and "think they're sovereigns.") They clumsily drop the window on their fingers, and make up a story about needing to buy eggs. When Fingers and Knuck report back to Boss, he berates them for their use of "cock and bull stories." Boss slips out at half-past-dark the next morning to steal the coins. He manages to get them, but a series of events involving a rooster and a male bovine quickly strip him of the loot. Boss slips back into the hideout before the others awake, planning not to tell his own cock and bull story.( And now for some good clean viol--er, fun! )
*Pop, Dick and Harry: A father and his twin boys. Mum's off to Aunt Mabel's and wants the lads to do the dishes while she's away. Pop delegates to the twins. The boys come up with various difficulties that Pop fixes, until finally they manage to get him to smash up the dinnerware...just as Mum returns.( Let's wrap up with a beach episode and cute girls in swimsuits. )
Your thoughts and comments? Plans for the New Year?Suggested Tags
medium: British Comics
publisher: DC Thomson
title: The Beezer