([identity profile] wrote in [community profile] scans_daily2009-05-20 11:46 am

Children of Cimmerians

So Conan the Barbarian really gets around.  Almost every issue of his adventures there's a new bikini-clad babe for him to score with, walk off into the sunset with, and then ditch in time for the next issue.  But with all this action, there's a suspicious lack of Conan Juniors running around.  Savage Sword of Conan #29 supplies a definitive answer to the all-important question: is Conan shooting blanks?

This is a rather rare issue of Conan, in that it's told from the perspective of a woman.

Our narrator is a priestess at a nunnery, the boss, apparently; her daughter is brought before he by the other nuns, accused of having been caught making time with some dude.  They demand that she be punished.

So mom tells her story.  Twenty years earlier, they let some evil wizard stay in the nunnery, since it was a bad night out and they're in the middle of nowhere.  The evil wizard decided to abduct her away for some raping, and takes her to his castle.  He leaves her tied up on the bed, and, since she has magic powers (apparently not enough to free herself), she astrally projects herself away in search of some warrior to save her.  Of course, Conan is in the general vicinity.

She dismisses Conan's nitpicking of the plot, says it isn't a trick, and that she is, in fact, as hot as she looks in her astral projection (Conan's not interested in rescuing some old hag who's just pretending to be hot).

So Conan rescues her (and, again, somewhat unusually for a Conan story, witchy-woman is an integral part of her own rescue; the wizard would have killed him a number of times if not for her spell-casting or distractions).

So Connie Jr. learns the moral of the story: always run off with strange men you barely know.

The end.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 10:48 am (UTC)(link)
Ah, from the way you phrased the intro I thought this was about to explain about the absence of little Conan's in general and assumed the gift the sorceress would reward him with would be to always be able to choose whether he wanted to risk his latest lover getting pregnant. Kind of a magical male prophylactic he could invoke at will.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 10:50 am (UTC)(link)
Awh. :']

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 11:23 am (UTC)(link)
that was great!

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 11:55 am (UTC)(link)
So, does Conan ever not have sex with the women he saves from being raped by cruel barbarian men?

I do love this art, I must say.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 12:09 pm (UTC)(link)
It's not like there is anything else to do around there.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:11 pm (UTC)(link)
But. But he saved her! It's his reward, right?

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:27 pm (UTC)(link)
What's really confusing me is his suspicion of her astral projection. I don't know why he thought she might be lying about being pretty. If she weren't, it's not like anyone would want to rape her for her to need rescuing in the first place. -_-

Though, actually, the more I think about this the more I suspect that Conan got played, here. If she's so powerful, why not just rescue herself? Well... because there's a hot stick of man-meat making his sweaty, barbarian way up the hills right this moment, and he's doubtless the type to get worked up by a little carnage and "save-the-helpless-female" ego stroking. I daresay this priestess was *never* in danger of being raped at all; it was all just elaborate foreplay, and she wouldn't even have bothered involving Conan in the first place if she hadn't already been up for some Cimmerian tango.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Actually, Conan probably gets this a lot (which is why he was initially suspicious: he'd been astrally projected to before and it was from an old hag who lied about her looks.) After that happened the third time, Conan learned to ask first.

Red Sonja, Valeria

[identity profile] 2009-05-21 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
But that's pretty much it for major characters. For minor female characters, they either swoon and give it up or they use the dog whisperer method: a smack on the nose and a "focus on the task on hand!" Conan then laughs ruefully and goes to tag their maid/sister/mother/female bodyguard/female witch or nearest tavern wench.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 11:59 am (UTC)(link)
Nice story! Though I'm not sure how much attention the artist was paying to the details of the writing -- it's odd to see a comment about uncushioned stone seats when she's sitting on a very fancy couch!

I did like that the events didn't turn mom into a punishing witch, though I could wish her "follow the heart" speech was accompanied by a certain amount of "be prepared to take care of yourself if he dumps you".

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 12:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Ernie Chan was the motherf*****g MAN. That is all. He and Rudy Nebres are two of my favorite artists from this period.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 01:44 pm (UTC)(link)
He's still doing commissions (

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 12:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm just glad that Connie Jr.'s studmuffin didn't end up being her dad.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 01:02 pm (UTC)(link)

Unfeasible. By the time she reached maturity, Conan would have been King of Aquilonia. And although marrying Zenobia didn't stop him from having extracirricular activities, he wasn't some random wanderer like this guy anymore.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)

No, nothing would stop anyone from writing it that way. However, it would have worked jarringly with the theme of "living one's life without regrets". Given that theme, one must conclude that anyone who went into this with an expectation that the girl's beau would turn out to be her father ... really wanted to see that happen, their protests to the contrary.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 02:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Meee toooo.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 12:58 pm (UTC)(link)
I love Conan's honesty here... "any man who promises you always and forever is a liar" and how she can be at his side until "we choose to part". Note the "we" there, and how he leaves it all up to her. And even though he feels (correctly, as it turns out) that she's making a horrible mistake by going back to that place, he lets her go without ever once trying to force the issue. And how her lack of freedom offended him to begin with.

The look on his face when he says "no", as well... he knows that telling her the truth will probably lose her to him, but he says it anyhow. Even when she seems willing to submit, he doesn't take advantage of her. It would be against everything he believes in. She even initiated the sex.

Who knew Conan stories could be so positively feminist?

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 02:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, the Arnie movies weren't half bad for it, either.

Conan is a feminist for an age undreamed of!

[identity profile] 2009-05-21 01:54 am (UTC)(link)
His reactions towards follow a certain trend. He'll protect them but he respects female warriors/thiefs/witchs. If they say no, he laughs it off and moves on. He would never force himself on a women or allow it in his presence. (In a King Conan story, it's mentioned that the punishment for rape in his army is death.)

He's sexually aggressive with all women till they turn him down. But he expects them to be aggressive too. From his reactions to Belit, Red Sonja, Devi and Valeria; he craves strong women.

I think it comes from his background. He's from the barbarian land of Cimmeria, where women were expected to fight and do their share of the work. They were treated (roughly) as equals.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 02:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I love how Conan's cloak is barely big enough to cover a woman's important bits. Some cloak, what does it protect him from?

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Things. Just things (

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Damn, where was THAT cloak when I needed it?

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 03:24 pm (UTC)(link)
So Connie Jr. learns the moral of the story: always run off with strange men you barely know.

I dunno, the mother does tell her daughter that, had she chosen to go with Conan, it wouldn't have been "always" and "forever". The moral seems to be more "Carpe Diem" in general than "ZOMG love at first sight pwns all!" Especially because, technically, both mother and daughter are little more than prisoners (getting stoned for sleeping with a man? seriously?)

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah. That'd never happen in real life. (

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I didn't mean that it was unrealistic. I meant that it was unacceptable.

If you live in a place where they'd stone you to death for sleeping with a guy, and you get the chance to leave, then leave. Leave as fast as you can and never look back.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 05:22 pm (UTC)(link)
It seems this priestess cult is based in part with the cult associated with Athena, where the priestesses took an oath of virginity. I don't recall the punishment for breaking such an oath, but I imagine that it wasn't light.

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I can't believe the blatantly obvious spinoff potential in "Daughter of Conan" was just ignored and thrown away!

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Terry Prachett gave us Conina; "Daughter of Cohen the Barbarian, Conina wants to be a hairdresser and live a normal life but was blessed with incredible looks, hair and skin from her mother (one of innumerable concubines, freed slaves or temple women Cohen has ravished during his life) and muscles like iron, tendons like hawsers and reflexes like a cat from her father. She is an incredible thief, a stupendous swordswoman and a one-woman adventure whirlwind. All of which tends to get in the way of living a normal life." (from L-space wiki)

She has trouble keeping jobs as a hairdresser, her preferred profession, because once she gets something sharp in her hands, certain inborn instincts kick in and it usually ends badly...

She also has, and I always loved the term "A voice that sounds like wild silk feels"

[identity profile] 2009-05-20 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Conina is awesome in all of the above. I also love that her ideal love interest is a ridiculously bad adventurer.

Great Story!

[identity profile] 2009-05-21 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
I have this. Conan left quite a few heirs. He had one (or 3 or 4) with Zenobia, one with a Turanian princess, one here and a few others.

From one novel (I forget which) he encounters the Amazons again and there a mighty light-skinned warrior among them. The daughter of the queen. With blue eyes. I actually had this half-realized fanfic because Conan was part of the Marvel timeline that Storm was one of his descendents from this blue-eyed black amazon.

Re: Great Story!

[identity profile] 2009-05-21 07:10 am (UTC)(link)
Conan has crossed over with 616 a few times -- once he gets Samurai Jacked into the future and basically becomes a major gang leader and then the kickingest pimp New York has ever seen before Spiderman eventually helps send him back to his own time. In the second, Wolverine ends up back in the Hyborean age. A third has MJ grab some sort of weird amulet and channel the spirit of Red Sonja. Then there's Kulan Garth(?) who has long bedeviled various contemporary Marvel realities.

Also, Conan is canonically part of the Cthulhu mythos. So any time you have someone going up against a recognisable Great Old One, Kull, Conan and Sonja are in that world's past.