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A quick Poison Ivy story by Neil Gaiman...

The story is told from the perspective of a man looking to access Poison Ivy in order to determine whether she'd be suitable for a place on the Suicide Squad... in addition to having a creepy fixation with her before he even gets in the same room as her. Not that the Arkham staff actually know this, as his cover is that he's there studying various patient's case files in order to determine whether any miscarriages of justice have occurred...

His first meeting goes well, and he mentally notes that despite what her numerous files suggest, she actually seems pretty "normal". And his rather obvious crush is noted by Ivy almost immediately, who subtly flirts with him for a while before he leaves. The agent goes out for dinner with one of the Arkham guards, who seems a bit annoyed that he seems more interested in asking her questions about Ivy than making small talk.

She warns him that Ivy is, well, poisonous. As a friend she's dangerous because she'd devour you. As a lover she's dangerous because she'd suck you dry and leave you empty. And as an enemy... well she'd just kill you. The guard notes that Ivy sees people the way other people see weeds, messing things up for the rest of us and never really capable getting rid of all of them.

After watching a secret security feed of Ivy's cell for a while and deriding her choice of reading material as "feminist trash", the agent goes back and asks her about her childhood.





Later the agent calls his wife and kids, who think that he's on a business trip. Which is true... kind of. Taskforce X calls him to ask him why he's taking so long to get a read on Ivy, the Suicide Squad has a high rate of turn over and they need fresh blood ASAP.

That night the agent sleeps with the guard from before, and he makes her go away afterwards by saying Ivy's name over and over while she's pretending to be asleep. It's at this point that the agent is starting to realise that his obsession with Ivy might be starting to get out of hand, as she's increasingly becoming all he can think about.

The next day he flaunts his rank by forcing Arkham's warden to let Ivy out of her cell so she can walk around in the hospital's garden... Yeah. It's at this point the agent pretty much straight up offers her the government job, which is an idea she seems pretty amused by.



Paula, the guard who the agent slept with, gloats a tad by saying that she warned him that something like this would happen. He staggers to a bathroom, where he throws up and finds that he has a lip-shaped burn on his cheek where Ivy kissed him, something that he hopes fades so he doesn't have to explain it to his wife.

He staggers back to his office, only to find that Ivy either already knew about his cameras or just discovered them, and is now screaming at him to not back out of his deal to get her out of Arkham. He switches off the audio feed as he writes up his rejection letter for Taskforce X, muttering how despite his attraction to her, she's just too crazy for the programme... Though whether that's his actual assessment or his annoyance over her not just being the sex object he used to see her as is up for debate...
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