Forever War: GI Joe 124

[knight_moves]

It's three-three-three crap stories for the price of one!



As said, we've got three storylines--Ninja Force, the, uh, Eco-Warriors, and... the DEA? Yeah, yeah... on the bright side, artist Andrew Wildman is having some fun differentiating between scenes with his panels, but still, these are designs that no one should have to draw.

And I probably did him a disservice by saying that he traced pictures of Cable for Cesspool, given the greater likelihood that Liefeld traced him. Still, it's a painfully generic design for the 90s.



The fact that there's a Joe named Bulletproof with the gimmick that he wears a bulletproof vest has terrible implications for the Joes' budget. What's next, a Joe named Health Insurance? "It doesn't matter that you shot me, Cobra, there's a private company that will cover all my medical costs!"



Damn, they transport weed in bales, these guys are major drug dealers!

The ninjas decide to settle things in single combat.



"No boundaries, no rules"! Shouldn't a bunch of holdovers from, like, the Edo period be all boundaries and rules? Like meditate for three hours under a waterfall, trade a few punches, compose a haiku, throw ninja stars at ten paces, prepare tea...



Remember, kids, if you use drugs, both your parents will be killed by drug dealers in crap vigilante actions. Just utterly shit attempts at taking the law into their own hands.

(Normally, killing a family's entire generation would be pretty heinous, but it pales in comparison to that blond ponytail/soul patch/fedora combo)



Are we sure this is about the environment? There's so much goop and goo and slime in this storyline that it feels like a Nickelodeon game show.



Lady, you're a member of a terrorist organization. There's literally an army of people that you're living with who you should talk to before you go to the literal cops!

I know it's a classic villain move to get the heroes to do your dirty work for you, but you've gotta leave that stuff to at least Dr. Mindbender.



I know it's also a classic villain move to chat up a storm instead of just killing the good guy, but YEESH! He's just standing there and he still baited you into monologuing! I'm not sure if Snake Eyes is just that good or if this guy just blows. Especially since Snakes' trick is that he catches the sword dude kicked out of his hand.





Geez, maybe infantrymen and, uh, eco-fighter should be different specialties who are both sent on a mission so no one has to do both jobs.

...who are the ad wizards at Hasbro that thought "you know what kids love? Cleaning stuff up."



Political correctness? What does that have to do with anything? For a ham-fisted analogy, this is pretty incoherent. And how does his gun even work? Is it a pistol-grip chainsaw? How much arm strength does he have that that's possibly a usable weapon?

Obviously, I don't endorse his policies on turning ecological disasters into black-market weapons, but this guy is a full-time CEO and he has gains like that? I gotta know his secret.



Okay, so the drug dealers storyline is about the D.E.F., or Drug Elimination Force. God, imagine being a black kid in the 90s and hearing that there's going to be a whole GI Joe team led by a black guy... and it's the narcs. Doesn't even get to hang out with Snake Eyes.

Comments

[mazway_75]

Give it to Hama doing his best to make something out of what Hasbro gave him....

[super_fly]

Do you think Larry spent many a night with a pile of action figures on his desk, thinking, "Daddy needs a new pair of shoes, what can I do with you guys this month?"

[beyondthefringe]

It’s like the running gag of the domestic critters used as household appliances by the Flintstones who occasionally sigh and go “it’s a living” after being used as a duster or whatever.

[lbd_nytetrayn]

I still can't believe I'm loving this as much as I am.

Part of it has to be reading Headman's lines in the voice of Scott McNeil, who played him in the cartoon.

Here's a comparable line as former Joe team member Ken Masters for you: https://youtu.be/dFUEcatqqPc?si=szfUzu1qKeaWYydx

Andrew Wildman was my favorite penciller on Marvel's Transformers, but I don't think I knew he did GI Joe work-- especially since, ironically, he only barely touched any of the crossover stuff.

[shakalooloo]

He will go on to do the first GI Joe issue to crossover with Generation 2, issue 138.

[lbd_nytetrayn]

That's the "barely" I spoke of, as they're hardly in the issue, with one of I believe two scenes putting them either off-panel or in silhouette.

[shakalooloo]

Forget Cable, has Hawkeye joined the ninja team?

[beyondthefringe]

I feel like Airtight (remember him?j would have been a good fit for the Toxic Crusaders… I mean Green Team… I mean Ooze Fighters.

Such a painful era.

[super_fly]

Oh boy here we go, a time of peak "This sure is a thing."

That last panel, you thought everything you'd just read up to this point was silly?

YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET

[viridian5]

The visuals are so "The 90s... it burns."