scans_daily

(7 1/3 pages from Impulse #3 under the cut)

In which Bart complains about planning ahead, outwits the school bullies, busts a robbery and incites a massive fight ~~for the lulz~~ because it'd be too boring otherwise.

Quite possibly one of my favourite issues ever, and certainly Mark Waid thinks so too!

I had a lot of trouble deciding what pages I should post (that's the problem with having so many great scenes in a single issue), so please don't rip me apart for not posting your favourite moments!

If anyone wants to know why I think Impulse!Bart is superior to KidFlash!Bart, this issue is the reason why.

***

We start off with Bart complaining about not being informed of plans, while rushing through his closet for some clothing for school (why he's in costume at 8am, I don't know; maybe he sleeps in it?). Max takes this as another opportunity to remind the kid why they're living in an otherwise-unknown town in Alabama: "My job is also to teach [you] how to act and think like an ordinary, 20th-century boy, not a 30th-century wild man." Bart ignores that and runs off to school.

Deliciously snarky line right before that quote:

Bart: Yesterday, you said you had plans for my future. Now you won't tell me what they are. That's not fair, Max.
Max: Look at that. Eight in the morning, and already you've gotten today's life lesson.

Don't ever leave us again, Max. Seriously.

7:58am; an unlucky kid gets pushed around and suckered out of his lunch money by some bullies. Next in sight is the "new kid" - yeah, uh, you guys might want to rethink that.

10:03am: next is a class involving research, where the students must find answers to these questions:

"What is the unit of currency in France?"
"What are policemen called in Paris?"
"How tall is the Eiffel Tower?"

Best way to get those answers? Run to the source! So he walks right out of class (one kid saw that and decides to complain) and runs off to Paris.

Clearly the police (Q2: "Gendarmes" [sic]) aren't having the best of times; Bart wonders why the bank's security guards are panicking (Q1: ~~Euro~~ Franc [this issue was written in 1995 - mainland France switched to the Euro in 1999]), and one of them responds (in English, and not too badly, either) with this:

Guard: Le Reynard - the Fox - he has stolen millions of Francs!
Impulse: Francs, huh? You call the...cops?
Guard: The Gendarmes are on their way. But no-one will stop Le Reynard before he gets...
(Bart dashes off in hot pursuit of the criminals)
Guard: ...away?

***

USELESS TRIVIA: reynard is actually a Germanic derivation; the original French word for "fox" is goupil, from Late Latin vulpecula, in turn from Classical Latin vulpes (French being a Romance language and therefore descended from Latin - well, Vulgar Latin, anyway) - it was replaced because supposedly calling the animal by its proper name was bad luck back then.

***

These criminals are apparently some kind of famous in the Parisian area. Anyway, they're almost out of the city, when suddenly:

Impulse: Looks like.
(he hops off the bonnet; the car crashes into a foot of the Eiffel Tower)

The police move in to arrest them (It was the boy! He did this! He moves faster than lightning! Magnifique!) and Bart runs off, back to school, but not before asking a blond woman about the tower's height (Pardon moi, but how tall is that?) (Q3: 984 feet - Wikipedia has it listed at 1063 to the top of the spire, 986 to the rooftop; renovation, I guess).

12:37pm.

Bart: Lunchtime. ♪ ♫

A group of boys throw some food into another kid's tray (maybe Rolly? I have to read the series from the start again), but Bart's feeling altruistic today and fixes it all before anything lands on the floor.

Preston (holding a camera; its recorder is on): That's it, dude. Strike a pose.
Bart: Hi, Preston.
Preston: We've gotta get you on film. The plastic surgeons will need a record when they go in to rebuild your face.
(pause)
Preston: On second thought, why bother? We should be making funeral arrangements instead. What are you gonna do about these guys?
Bart: I'll work it out.

Not pictured: girls swooning like they've seen ~~Edward Cullen~~ ~~Orlando Bloom~~ ~~Robert Pattinson~~ *insert your choice of young male celebrity here*

After gym class (which involves the school's premier jocks utterly failing at dodgeball ["He moves like a damn cat!"] and Bart responding by slamming the ball into their faces) is the end of the school day:

Random schoolkid: What're you pullin', doof? Why'dja drag us onto the football field?
Bart (gesturing towards the field): I figured we could use the room.

Remember when I said he decided to incite a fight in true troll fashion? Yeah.

Some of the kids argue over who should get the first hit in, but by this point, it's apparent to us that they aren't going to get any hits in at all.