More Filipino mythology short posts

[blackruzsa]

 Just wanted to get your opinion on these pages.






Linga is a healer god that came from very very ancient Hindu god or symbol and became a deity in the Philippine islands.

Lakampati is the double-sexed god of fertility and compassion.

Mapulon is the god of seasons.

They're all, in mythological tradition, older than the sun. They're what you might call first generation, non-creation gods. 


Just thought you might wanna know. 

What do you think of the comic? It's a rehash of the superhero blessed with god powers shtick we seem to see a lot of around. Good? Bad? Decent? 

And for legality, two ominous pages from Trese by Budjette and Kajo:






 

Comments

[greenmask]

Are they your pages?

[blackruzsa]

Yes?

[greenmask]

Then I have many thoughts! D'you want concrit or a general gist?

[blackruzsa]

General gist.
Other than visually, I'm pretty ashamed of this work. Had to whip it up in a week to catch the deadline and kinda ended up having no idea what I just wrote either.

Still though, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[greenmask]

Okay!

Visually: The font is quite hard to read and the fuzzy shadows make it harder. Personally I like hard, flat colour/tones better than fuzzy or gradient-style ones anyway, but I definitely think that the crosshatching and line-art depth pleasing, and more so than the computer-added shading. The many see-through blacks are quite eye-fuzzing when they're all gathered together. All the hands are drawn really nicely, which is pretty remarkable (in my opinion hands can GO TO DIE), and the art in general is dynamic and engaging with nice depth, background-wise, to each panel.

I actually really like the writing. I mean, it's not perfect, but I dig the not-in-English bits that are kept untranslated - it feels natural; I feel ignorant and inspired to keep reading to see if I'll learn what they mean, rather than resentful that I don't immediately understand everything. I feel like there's a bit of a leap between the second and third caption boxes, but the rest is clear enough to me and the narrator's calmness of character comes through strongly. Compassion and acceptance of this level are scary super-powers (to me), but definitely interesting ones.

[blackruzsa]

That's the kindest thing anyone's ever said about it :)
I guess I knew a bit about the font but I hadn't known about the see-through blacks. I guess I should work on that.

[greenmask]

I dus me best, missus.

I hope to keep seeing your work as it develops!

[blackruzsa]

Oh, and hands. :D

[icon_uk]

The first story I'm not to sure about, as I don't really "get" the main characters motivation. If they aren't motivated by something then the power of healing OR inflicting is a rather contrary powerset to have. And the random lapses into the other language (Tagalog?) are more confusing than anything unless you happen to speak to tongue.

The second story work nicely as a sort of short sharp vicious riff on the likes of Neil Gaiman's "American Gods" and even "The Wicker Man". I mean that a compliment I hasten to add. It gets it's point across swiftly, brutally and with a certain grim charm.

[kamino_neko]

Lakampati presents an annoying problem when using the third person in English, and I'm not sure the s/he and his/her solution is the best for this context.

I know some people get snitty over the singular 'they', but...they're flippin' wrong. It has a longer pedigree than the singular or familiar 'you', it's just that the alternatives didn't die out. So, yeah, that might be a better option, or something like zie/zir or one of the other pronouns created or adapted from other languages specifically to provide a third person, undeniably singular, gender-neutral option. Which again, is something some people get snitty about, but...

So, basically, all three options are going to have their issues, but I'd err on the side of one of the ones that leads to less awkward sounding dialogue (well, monologue), in this case.

(Incidentally, what would be used in Tagalog?)

[kamino_neko]

A fourth option just occurred to me, of course - just using the name, in place of a pronoun. Possibly the best option, as it comes in the middle on the awkwardness scale, and doesn't have the 'no, that's wrong!' and 'what a pretentious wanker' reactions they or zie can get.

[zenbro]

Funny thing about third person pronouns in Tagalog...my parents are native speakers and when we moved to the U.S., it used to puzzle me as a child why they were constantly confusing "he" and "she" when speaking English, then correcting themselves when necessary. It seems obvious to me now, but it's because there is only one word..."siya"...which can translate to either "he" or "she."

Quick research confirmed some other things. "Kapatid" (sibling) can refer to brother OR sister, and "asawa" (spouse) can refer to either husband or wife. I recall that if ever there was vagueness as to gender, someone would just add a modifier of "na babae" (female) or "na lalaki" (male). Otherwise, gender identification didn't seem that important in casual conversation.

[kamino_neko]

Thanks!

[blackruzsa]

That's what I love about Filipino language. No gender bias. Still, it's funny when you read a story and think a person's one sex when they're actually another.

I'm pretty sure I went through half a book thinking the main character was a girl when in fact, he was a boy.

[zenbro]

Whenever my relatives got together, their conversations always sounded (to my childhood ears) like "blah blah ME" "blah blah YOU" and "blah blah some other person not part of this conversation (you know who I'm talking about, duh)"

Which would be followed by "...who?" and then "[some relative], OBVIOUSLY"

It was like some horrible game...

[blackruzsa]

You too?
"Remember Auntie --, the sister of Uncle --- who is the cousin, ay, I mean nephew of -----, the son of -----"

NO I DON'T DOGGAMMIT.

It was pretty horrible indeed.

[blackruzsa]

"Siya" is both male and female, it acts as both he and she, so yeah, it's hard to get Lakampati's name to work in English because of the gender-distinct pronouns.

[psychopathicus_rex]

I'm reminded of a Bruce Coville book I read once, where the main character meets an alien being who is neither male nor female, but somewhere in between that is too difficult to describe. 'So what do I call you, then - he? She? It?' he asks, hastily apologizing for the 'it', and the alien replies that, on the contrary, 'it' is probably the least awkward choice.

[psychopathicus_rex]

Well, if you want brutal honesty, I'd say your faces and body language could use a little work. People look somewhat stiff and unnatural, like they're posing, and the expressions all seem to be variations on the same thing. Mind you, I'm certainly not saying your artwork is bad or anything - it's certainly better than I could draw, in terms of 'realistic' artwork - but it wouldn't hurt to tighten up a few things.
Also, as an English speaker, I didn't really get the drops into Tagalog. It was like... you know how in some old books a character will just randomly quote something in French or Latin, and it's made pretty clear that you're supposed to understand them? It's something like that - a Tagalog-speaking audience would obviously have no problem with them, but if you're looking for a broader audience than that, I'd advise either dropping them or providing translations at the bottom of the page.

[blackruzsa]

"people have forgotten the value of life" is basically what it means. I wrote it for an audition to a Tagalog comic so I didn't put in any translations.

I'm glad to get critique. I know I'm still in the developing stage. Definitely, I'm working on dynamics and expression.

[psychopathicus_rex]

Ah. Well, yes, that makes sense, then.