Scans_Daily`s Most Bodacious Post Ever!

[chocochuy]

Cowabunga, Dudes and Dudettes! Your mega-pal, Chocochuy, reporting for some most radical and bodacious duty!

Dudes, I am so hyped up that I wanna share mein joy with y`all! As usual, I was surfing the comic book store as the über-wicked cool Ninja Commando that I am when I found the awesomest comic book from all the bodacious omniverse. It was like mixing the Sega Genesis with the Super-Nintendo but 11 times more awesome. Mine eyez sure had one helluva pimpin` ecstasy ride as I stared at the new cornerstone of awesomeness with a filling of much more awesomeness and a covering of chocolate (I mean, why not?). Now, don`t you just take my word on it and let`s bone out to enjoy the sheer badassery that is Spawn.

It will be a spawn-tacular ride, compadres.

By Crom, let`s take a look at this wicked ultra-cool cover.



Jack Kirby has nothing against this dope masterpiece by the Toddster. I mean, this cover is so hardcore badass that I had to spent all my cheddar on 10 more copies. You might as well consider me on the road to Blingsville with this wise investment, dawgs. It`s da bomb!

Now, I know what y`all be thinking: Did Venom and Batman had a baby on one of those most excellent crossovers? Were Spidey and Ghost Rider the godparents? Alas, as much as it sounds as the sweetest of all ideas, that would only happen on one of my sister`s fanfics cuz this bro-tacular masterpiece be the original creation of the über-awesome Todd Mcantspellhisname, totally one of the most pimpin` artists of all the creation. I jock the Toddster so much since his tenure at Marvel when his Spidey was all Jojo Bizarre Adventure and now my manly crush increases with this newest Magnum Opus of his. Now I totally understand why he left Marvel to create his own company since too much awesomeness should run wild like the Ultimate Warrior. Anyhow, just by taking a look at the Spawnster you know you are getting the best shiznit of them all. Dude is like a Ninja Vampire Warlock putting a hex on the readers to buy more Image Comics™ (Alan Moore, learn something from this, radical bearded dude), which just makes him as hardcore metal as Rambo and Robocop teaming up against Darth Vader and the T-1000 in Little China. Special mention goes to Jimmy, that hardcore bat out of hell that`s totally the Spawnster`s sidekick whom I believe must be some kind of cyber-vampire rock star that is into bondage and who is beggin to have his own spin-off (Call me, Todd!). Gosh, this cover is the stuff dreams are made of although it would totally be hyper-tacular to have Spawn or Jimmy blasting the reader with some laser beams (courtesy of those ultra-safe florescent inks). Ah, we all can dream.

On to the story, amigos. Dig this, Spawn used to be some radical soldier dude who was totally kicking ass at Terroristan until the evil clone of Martin Sheen (or was it Tom Selleck?) betrayed him to send him to Heck, which was so uncool since the soldier dude was fighting commies like Ivan Drago and Super-Khakalovitch. Now, since the soldier dude was all that and a bag of chips, a satanic Godzilla called Marvelbolgia promises to revive him so he can see his hot wife in exchange for the soldier dude to lead some bad dudes towards Heaven. Y`all might be hating the poor Spawnster for making such a demonic deal considering good guys like Spidey would never do that but then you would have to buy yerselves some tickets to Wrongsville cuz this cool cat ain`t no supervillain but the next breed of heroes. Picture this, Spawn is so macho he actually gets to cheat the Devil and keep his powers (Eat your heart out, Ghost Rider!) so he can exact his revenge (always bodacious when served cold with pinto beans and muffins) on this pimptastic image where he looks all gangsta.



Before Spawn goes postal on Evil Martin Sheen, he totally uses his X-Ray vision to discover a group of evil mohawk dudes preying on some hot babe. The Spawnster, always a radical gentledude with the chicks, goes to her rescue by opening out a can of whoop-ass against the mohawk dudes like Batman would do but 3.16 times better. The pièce de résistance of such beatdown?  Spawn blows off one of the bad guys` head with a magic spell! Wicked!



Such scene actually moved me to tears, dawgs. Spawn getting all Kenshiro but with magic powers and a bodacious Dracula cape not only deserves a cartoon or a toy series but a bro-tacular theme song. As a matter of fact, I actually wrote on my way home some wicked lyrics befitting the Spawnster`s sheer badassery:

♫ Who's the bodacious demon dude
That's a death machine to all them pricks?
SPAWN!
You're damn right!

Who is the pimpastic guy
That would twist  the Devil`s neck for his brother man?
SPAWN!
Can ya dig it?

Who's the coolest cat that won't cop out
When there are demons all around?
SPAWN!
Right on!

You see this cat Spawn is one bad mother--
Shut your mouth!
But I'm talkin' about Spawn!
Then we can dig it!

He's one complicated mofo---man
That no one understands but his Wanda,
O SPAWN! ♫

Dudes, I am serious when I tell you this theme song needs to be done pronto.

Ok, enough trippin` for one day. Where was I? Ah, yes, like any other current real hero, Spawn suddenly gets one of those nervous breakdowns (probably wanted to blow off more heads) and gets a sweet hug from the rescued babe. Score for the Spawnster!



Another über-tacular thing to comment is how some some newscaster dudes and chick get to mention some crazy dude offing the Mafia and Spawn`s most bodacious and excellent heroism but what really blew my mind away was that they were using real life channels from cable.



I was all like "Whoah, Todd, time out. You mean to tell me that Spawn is for reals and that you are like some kind of telepath dude who chronicles his adventures?!? Sweet! Now hook me up some MTV and we will be ready to go, daddy-o". Heh, and people think Marvel is the one who uses realism on their stories, word.

Probably after eating some ultra-awesome pizza like any Ninja would tell you, Spawn removes his mask to realize that sunbathing may not be an option for him any longer and freaks out just like I did when I realized my mom was the Tooth Fairy or when Hulk Hogan lost at Wrestlemania VI. Now this is real drama as done by the awesome Billy Shakespeare and I truly felt Spawn`s pain, I really did.



So ends issue numero uno with the promise of 999X more issues (Why would our pal Todd use such numbers if not for such reason? Power levels decreasing? Yeah, right, as if Spawn should worry about that) and one spawn-tacular pin-up by Jorge Pérez.



Hey, fun is not over yet cuz while it was totally a buzz kill that I could not score me issues 2 and 3, which methinks had Spawn teaming up with Jimmy to fight the evil Martin Sheen, I got the fantastic fourth issue. Dig this, super-friends, some monster called the Violator (totally not making it up!) just tore out Spawn`s heart, which gets to show you how mature and EXTREME this book is. Now, don`tcha faint already, chicks in the audience, the Spawnster is so hardcore metal cuz he does not have time to bleed (since hearts may be getting too mainstream, yeah) and, realizing the V-man may be thirsty, will give him something about it. But instead of soda, the Spawnster is gonna open up a can of whoop-ass. Kick-ass!



Both Spawn and the V-man duke it out all gangstalicious till Marvelbolgia crashes down this wild party cuz, turns out things will end up like Highlander and the Empire Strikes Back combined.



You see, pals, Marvelbolgia seems to be so hot for the Spawnster (Who wouldn`t anyways?) that he actually cures him and turns the V-man into Danny DeVito (Just like in my sister`s fanfics!).



Destroliciously Awesome! Score another point for Team Spawn cuz there is no stopping him now. Ah, this is verily the stuff of legends!

In conclusion, Spawn rulez and eveybody droolz, but one question remains to be answered: Will DC and Marvel survive against this epic blockbuster? Heh, they might stand a chance if they defeat Sheng Long....Psyche! Only way they are having a chance is if Batman goes all Punisher fighting a Luchador or Spidey fighting a more evil Venom for more than 10 issues including some clones cuz we all love them radical ones. Whatever, dudes and dudettes, the 90s are already gonna be one wild party now that Image Comics™ is here to stay. Rock and Roll!

Hasta la vista, babies! Stay bodacious to each other!

OK, I reckon all you must have realized already this was just an April Fools` joke and, while not the best joke ever, I did enjoy it somehow. I blame it on the rain....and Linkara.

Comments

[cypherfdp]

"That Spawn is one cool motha--"
"Shut yo' mouth!"
"I'm just talkin' 'bout Spawn!"
"Then we can dig it!"

[salinea]

teehee.

[auggie18]

There is a small chance that I love you.


And that's just f*cking bodacious, my dude.

[chocochuy]

I am always aiming to please ^_^.

[greenmask]

Can I buy you a pack of Mentos or something, dude? I fully enjoyed this most unprecedented post.

[chocochuy]

Your satisfaction is my reward but I would love me some ultra-excellent Mixed Fruit Mentos.

[freezer]

Just making sure: I was supposed to read that in 90's Kid's voice, right?

[bewareofgeek]

Is it possible NOT to?

[eaglet_auditore]

Having just watched Teletoon Retro sorta kinda helped.

[junkurosu]

I want to watch Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure then go to Sunsplash (it's the waterpark in the movie, I live within 10 miles of it).

In all cases, you win. You just win. I don't know what you win. Maybe an internet. Maybe a felted felt with a large silk flower on it. Maybe a pair of track pants? Maybe a DVD of Clueless? Maybe the whole set of the 1990s Batman movies. I don't know you just win.

And I remember trying to draw like Todd McFarlane.

[greenmask]

You live near..?!

Okay, scans_daily summer camp 2012: we're all coming to stay with you. Hope that's fine.

[junkurosu]

Yep. I do (they added a lot more to it but the major slides are still there). My only other claim to fame is that I got to see Mall Rats being filmed in my hometown mall.

I guess it's good that I tend to keep blankets in my house (who wants the Hello Kitty blanket?).

[greenmask]

Wow, slacktastic!

[junkurosu]

It was interesting trying to figure out which stores were real and which weren't during filming.

[blackruzsa]

I sincerely hope scans_daily summer camp becomes a thing. A real thing.

[greenmask]

Wouldn't that be nice? Rich sponsors wanted..

[blackruzsa]

To pay for the plane tickets.

[eaglet_auditore]

My mind is abandoning me, but I did always admire Spawn art. The art actually also emits some kind of peculiar odour whenever I look at it. It is slightly disturbing.
But I do like the lines and the darkness.

Only saw the cartoon however - I never read the comics themselves. Next time I go to a Comic-Con, I might pick up some issues to read and remedy to my lack of culture.

[mrstatham]

That is the annoying thing about Todd McFarlane. He's never been the most proactive artist in the initial Image stable, and the second he realised he could basically just shill Spawn endlessly to make toys, he did. And then he went and found Greg Capullo, who was not only reminiscent enough of McFarlane's style, he was arguably better at drawing Spawn. Image also ostensibly had some of the best colourists in the business - they got that slick computer colouring down way before Marvel did. So Spawn was always a nice looking book, it's just that the stories went nowhere.

But.. Yeah. I have no qualms about saying McFarlane is lazy.

[eaglet_auditore]

This calls for making a smart list and avoid picking up random issues based on the prettiness of covers. More than usual I mean.

[chocochuy]

* 90s Kid/Spoilers Mode On *

DUDE! It is awesomelicious for you to collect this most spawn-dacious 8th Wonder of the World! If you really want an epic-tastic pimping ride with the Spawnster then I highly reccomend you the first 9 issues or them issues where Spawn totally s-pawns (awesome puns forever intended, dudes!) the derriere of both the soldier dudes and where Martin Sheen becomes the Anti-Spawn. Truly the golden age of Todd Mcantspellhisname!!! Screaming for no reason!!!! Wryyy!!!!

* 90s Kid/Spoilers Mode Off *

In all seriousness, these are the issues I recommend the most of the first years of our favorite Hellspawn :

- Spawn Issues 01-04 (His genesis and first fight with the V-Man)
- Spawn Issues 06-07 (Spawn vs. a Mafia Cyborg may sound cheesy but it was OK)
- Spawn Issues 08-09 (Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman provide expansions for the young Spawn-verse in the most badass ways ever)
- Spawn Issues 12-13 (Spawn discovers more facts about his murder and exacts his revenge Kenshiro style)
- Spawn Issues 16-18 (Spawn vs. the Anti-Spawn)
- Spawn Issues 19-20 (Spawn teams up with Houdini)

IMHO, Issue 05 was way too bloody and remains the stuff of nightmares for my inner child, issue 10 was more or less Dave Sim disrespecting many comic book creators, issue 11 was Frank Miller doing a mess and issues 14-15 seemed funny but not so much.

I am quite sure that there were other spawn-tacular issues after issue 20 so the hunt is not over yet.

[glprime]

Oh, Nineties. :)

[darkknightjrk]

I remember reading some comics of it a while back and while it has a lot of that silly shit that makes the 90s such an easy target for ridicule sometimes, I do think there is an interesting character and world there.

[mrstatham]

Compared to some of the things Liefeld was pulling out of his ass at the time, Spawn was comparatively average, I think. But yeah, in the issues where Spawn goes up against Overtkill (and the design of Angela in particular, although she proved to be at least somewhat interesting) were very, very 90's, big guns and all.

But it was an interesting concept and Spawn was an interesting character; I think McFarlane fumbled the ball a little bit by making Spawn a black character and making a noise about Al being a black character only to have him burnt to the point where you couldn't tell anyway, but otherwise, the concept was fine. I just don't think McFarlane was adequately equipped to carry the story out, which is why Spawn mysteriously got better when David Hine, I believe, took over in the run up to the Armageddon stuff.

[darkknightjrk]

Plus it sounded like Todd took the book in weird directions--like, I heard something that Al's a villain now and they got a white guy to be the new Spawn?

[mrstatham]

I think McFarlane got badgered into making Al the Omega Spawn (and a villain, yes) to tie in with the ongoing, presumably never-to-be-finished Image United stuff. But yes, from what I understand, Spawn is currently a white guy.

This is after he basically pulled the book away from it's most critically acclaimed creative team of all time, seriously. Hine and his team were using the book to tell horror stories and the like in the new world Al made after the Apocalypse, and then Todd basically booted them off to do his own reboot, from what I understand.

Although I don't particularly mind that Spawn is currently a white character. The circumstances with what happened to Al are pretty unfortunate, but Spawn was never a role that was uniquely his, after all. It's just unfortunate given some of the ongoing issues in the industry that Todd made that choice.

[filthysize]

I always thought the main problem was Todd's ambition to make Spawn a household superhero like Batman and Superman, when clearly the concept is much better suited when he's steeped in fantasy and occult mythology the way Gaiman, Moore and Hine did it. Instead, in those early years we've got him fighting the mob and cybernetic mercenaries and all kinds of silly 90's shit that came across as Rob Liefeld trying to copy Frank Miller. Any potential Spawn had was quickly squandered in those early years.

[mrstatham]

I think this might have partially been the problem. Todd excelled at drawing Batman, to me - he might've made he cape a little esoteric and out there, but you can see why he did it. But I think he didn't quite get that gothic, creepy atmosphere down with Spawn. He squandered it with big guns and ridiculous shit.

As you point out, it's clear that the stronger earliest issues of Spawn work. Gaiman's issue, which shows older hellspawn and brings in Angela, works fine. Moore's issue is quite horrid but really well done given the hamfisted treatment of Billy Kincaid as a living child-killer. The animated show took a lot from those early issues, but it worked. The animated series was perhaps the best interpretation of Spawn - even allowing for silly shit like Chapel or Overtkill (I'm sure he was in there) until Hine took over.

And I think Hine had the strongest take of all. He really brought the bleak, gothic, nasty horror that should come with the theme. But again, as I point out above, Todd's always been interested in shilling Spawn as merchandise. All those early toys, even shit like the Spawnmobile - Don't they just reek of a saturday morning cartoon show?

[pallas_athena]

Radicalicious, dude!

April foolin' aside, the lettering on this blows my mind. I wish all comics still had righteous hand lettering like this. Is this Todd Klein?

Survivor's Account

[capt_satellite]

As a survivor of the effluviant mass of indy comics that hit us like a Tsunami hitting Banda Aceh, I look back and I am still stunned by two things:

1. Of the initial wave, only THE SAVAGE DRAGON has survived intact. I credit the genius of Eric Larsen, who, out of all of them, was the only one to remember, first and foremost, COMIC BOOKS ARE FUN. Pick up a copy of SAVAGE DRAGON next time you're at the shop. You can pick it up today, jump right on, and still have a damn ride that will live you hungry for more.

2. The body count of good indy comics that had been produced for YEARS, snuffed out by wave of utter scrap: I mourn for First Comics (Nexus, Badger, Grimjack, American Flagg!) the most. Eclipse Comics, Comico Comics (although the were already on the ropes by 1993, I LOVED the Elementals!), Malibu Comics (sellouts!), Innovation Publishing, Kitchen Sink, the Image glut and hype washed a lot of good companies off the map, along with the dead wood.

In the long run, they got Marvel and DC off their complacent asses, and empowered more creators to new heights, but that first wave, Images "Class of '93" has really aged badly. Liefeld's Youngblood and the rest of the "Extreme" line, McFarlane's Spawn, Silvestri's Cyberforce, Valentino's Shadowhawk, and Portacio's Wetworks, and Lee's WildC.A.T.s....Yeeesh. SOme great things came later, but looking at some of it now....glad I tended to pick and choose even then.

Re: Survivor's Account

[halloweenjack]

I don't agree with you regarding Larsen and Savage Dragon, although I do commend Larsen for his persistence (he's been writing and drawing variations on the same character for thirty years, which has to be some kind of record). But, yeah, the graveyard of formerly hot independent publishers is pretty bleak; at one point, Eclipse was publishing Tim Truman's Scout, Scott McCloud's Zot!, and Moore's Miracleman, and where are they now?

And, as excessive as they were at their height, Image also deserves a lot of credit for some of the less lucrative projects that they've taken on; looking at a list of things that they've published, there are probably many more things that don't fit the 90s X-TREEM stereotype (or are spinoffs thereof) than do. They may end up being one of the longer-lived independents, along with Fantagraphics (about as far away from Image's, well, image--at least in terms of how Gary Groth's philosophy is expressed in The Comics Journal--as you can get) and Last Gasp, which amazingly is still officially a going concern (they've been around since 1970).

Re: Survivor's Account

[q99]

-(he's been writing and drawing variations on the same character for thirty years, which has to be some kind of record). -

Hm, may be, it looks like he even beats Stan Sakai on Usagi Yojimbo (though I still love Usagi more!).

Re: Survivor's Account

[capt_satellite]

I'm not knocking IMAGE as it stands now...some art just ages better than others.

SO sad about the fate of Eclipse....their facility was flooded, including their stock of back-issues, which used to do pretty well for them. Cat and Dean's divorce didn't help, either. So sad. They were trail blazers who, through no fault of their own, went down in flames.

Re: Survivor's Account

[capt_satellite]

I'm not knocking IMAGE as it stands now... I'm just of the opinion that a lot of the stuff the original partners did has not aged well. I give them MAJOR props for being willing to give new ideas a fair chance at success.

SO sad about the fate of Eclipse....their facility was flooded, including their stock of back-issues, which used to do pretty well for them. Cat and Dean's divorce didn't help, either. So sad. They were trail blazers who, through no fault of their own, went down in flames.

[halloweenjack]

Man, I remember when eating a bunch of sugar cereal and chugging the Dew would give me a sugar rush like yours, instead of the 'beetes. What a drag it is getting old.

[halloweenjack]

...OK, April fools, ha ha.

[eyz]

This post was so RADICAL!!!
EXTREEEEEME, Spawn rock'd back then!
We need some more classic 90s stuff, whaddya say dudes and dudettes!?

[blackruzsa]

NINETIES! EVERYONE SHOUTING! ALL IS AWESOME!
RAAAAAARGGGGHHH
Incidentally, I adore Spawn :) Read through my library's entire collection.