Hal Jordan: IQ of Guacamole

[espanolbot]

Trigger warning for sexism, violence against women

From this tumblr, which collects daft moments by the blandest Green Lantern, some sticking more recent panels against older ones for funny or cringeworthy effect.
http://theguacamolelantern.tumblr.com/

One of the many many clumsy Hal moments...


...sexist moments...


...and moments that are amusingly canon but people would rather forget. Like that time Carol Danvers was impregnated by a man who turned out to be her son (ie the person her impregnated her with himself) and the Avengers didn't feel that they should stop the brainwashed woman from taken away by the man who'd turned her womb into a Stephen Moffat Doctor Who episode. Come to think of it, Power Girl was impregnated by the universe shortly after she and Hal slept together, and he got into a physical fight with her over the fact that she wouldn't admit he was the father one time. Comics are weird.

"Don't be ridiculous, everyone knows that Green Arrow is the child molester in the Justice League!"

Anyways, more Hal hurting himself,


No way this can go horribly wrong.


Hal meets Seventies Wonder Woman, treats her the same and every other female character he met in this time period,


Hal the Fearless hides behind teenage Zatanna.


Hal versus Star Sapphire, using John Byrne era Fantastic Four tactics. Urgh.


It's crap like this that makes me more of a fan of John Stewart, Guy and Kyle, to be honest.

And to finish off on a better note, the bestest Guardian of the Universe. Seriously, get rid of the rest and just have this one.

Comments

[arilou_skiff]

Awful, awful, awful, awful.... Is that a guardian on a motorcycle?

AWESOME!

[leikomgwtfbbq]

I want to see a series about Motorcycle Guardian riding across the cosmos doing Space Easy Rider shit.

[grazzt]

First thoughts on Hal running into the billboard:

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong.

[full_metal_ox]

Even a cursory reading of Robert W. Chambers would've taught Hal that the Yellow Sign is nothing you want to mess with.

[bjornwilde]

I love the Guardians reason for riding a motorcycle. = D

[icon_uk]

Unfortunately he used the same reason for fox-hunting, voting Republican, human vivisection and a sexual act so bizarrely alien that the human language has no syllables capable of encompassing it.

[donnblake]

What's going on in the Star Sapphire scene? I know that she's a villain sometimes, but right there she just seemed so surprised by the entire thing.

[q99]

She was usually a villain obsessed with Hal.

I think that's just the normal 'beat up the villain while our powers are deactivated,' just oddly done... with slaps.

[cleome45]

Someday I'll be jaded enough so the whole Hal/Aresia thing finally stops creeping me the hell out.

Someday.

[gerardotejada]

Good luck with that, thats one of the worst stories ever written.

I honestly think the whole Aresia/Jordan could have worked, but that story about Aresia "growing up" doomed everything.

I mean the whole Aresia/Hal was so obviously shipable, even the worst fanfic writer could have done It better.

I could even say that that story made imposible to write anything about Hal/Aresia.

So glad they retconed It away in a nice clean way, I think It was "She never was a child", even though that contradicts her origin Is better than having that bad writing hanging around.

Oh and then they made him become Evil, not a nice age for poor old Hal

[gerardotejada]

That webpage is comic Gold!
I dont know how people can hate poor old Hal! He is so dumb!

And the cringeworthy morals of the silver age, time pases and still creepy.

[maseiken]

UUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRG- wait is that a Motorcycle?
YEEEEEEEEAH!

[deleonjh]

"I have to show them I'm not a child molester!"
-- Statements that indicate you've hit rock bottom

[lieut_kettch]

I can imagine Guy constantly ribbing Hal about it by making a Pedobear construct materialize about Hal's head.

THIS explans a lot

[capt_satellite]

I think I have a better understanding of the whole Parallax thing now.

Re: THIS explans a lot

[darkblade]

I'm waiting for the retcon to reveal that there was no Parallax before Hal needed an excuse and he somehow rewrote reality.

[eaglet_auditore]

Hal hurting himself with a big yellow sign... Ba ha! Just: Ba ha!

[domino_blue]

You know I now understand why Kyle Rayner came in to replace Hal. Hell I now understand why John and Guy are there.

[rainspirit]

That scene with Carol is terrible, but that Star Sapphire costume is surprisingly not terrible. (Comparatively.)

AMAZING.

[lascoden]

This may sound weird, but that's what I would imagine a "Sexy Galactus" Halloween costume would look like.

[eyz]

Well....but that's also the reason to love Hal! He's so bland, dull and silly, it's fun to have him around!

You know, like in Community - yes the TV series, I wanted to mention it for no reason - they like to have the ol' racist, Pierce, around :P

[cleome45]

I wouldn't call Pierce dull or bland. More creepily infuriating than anything else. I cheered out loud when he admitted that the girl he bullied out of the school elections got even by stabbing him in the face with a pencil. And normally that's the sort of thing that would horrify me, even when described rather than shown.

[wizardru]

In case you were wondering what has Hal so angry against former girlfriend and one-time simple Silver Age villain Star Sapphire...this is where Star Sapphre was just before the fight:

[blackruzsa]

I honestly never liked Hal ): Liked John Stewart, even Guy. Hal? I don't see anything appealing about him, and less so now. What's to like?

[espanolbot]

Alan Scott's normally cool, he was Superman before Superman was Superman, if that makes sense. He was the Superman of the old DCU in the 40s and 50s, I mean, and just as Superman inspired people through his example in the present day Scott inspired people through the example he set fifty, sixty year ago. :)

He had a good team up with Batman that Ed Brubaker wrote, called Made of Wood.

[md84]

And DC Editorial wanted to bring Hal back why?

I actually do think Hal attacking Star Sapphire is justified, since she did just butcher a former colleague (who happened to be his friend John's wife).

And really, who wouldn't slap a psycho ex who just murdered a friend?

[bruinsfan]

Well, for my own part I'd probably opt for roundhouses to the head rather than slaps plus pauses for patronizing narration in that situation...

[bruinsfan]

And to finish off on a better note, the bestest Guardian of the Universe. Seriously, get rid of the rest and just have this one.

Er, that's Appa Ali Apsa, the one that went crazy out of loneliness, started kidnapping entire cities from across the universe, and had to be put down like a rabid dog.

[theatervine]

Hal and Reed Richards need to hang out. And then die. Horribly.