Marville #6-7: Duh End

[informationgeek]

"You're trying to pin this on us?! Marville failed sales-wise because we couldn't accept your grand vision of world peace? We only wanted superheroes punching each other. Go to hell! Your comic didn't succeed because it started as a lame, unfunny parody of the comic book industry and then it was an inaccurate, moronic tale about God and the universe. It failed because it SUCKED!"- Linkara

Writer: Bill Jemas
Artist: Mark Bright
Inker: Paul Neary
Colorist: Transparency Digital



Well here is the end... let's get it over with.



























The finally ends with this word from Bill Jemas...



Now, after this is Marville #7, the submission guidelines to Epic imprint. I could have easily skipped over this since it had nothing to do with Marville as a whole. However, I'm going to post some of the instructions and information provided in it. It's rather interesting to read, especially after all of this time and looking at where Marvel currently is now and with their approach to books.





















And that my friends and trauma victims, is Marville. Easily one of the worst comic books to have ever been created and one of the ugliest things Marvel has ever published (it stands right alongside Ultimatum, Avengers #200, Ultimate FF, and One More Day). What did you think?

Comments

[his_spiffynesss]

Did anything get published under Epic?

[informationgeek]

Sure! Trouble by Mark Millar that was about Aunt May's young adult sex adventures! :D

[jmacq1]

Wasn't that the one that basically said Peter Parker was actually May's son as opposed to nephew?

I've never read it. I honestly have a morbid pseudo-obsession with tracking it down one day, for I have heard it is the most awful of awfulness.

[kamino_neko]

Wasn't that the one that basically said Peter Parker was actually May's son as opposed to nephew?

Yes.

[wizardru]

I believe parts of it were posted here to Scans_Daily. It was...ugh, it's as bas you think it would be. It was a very abortive attempt to do a modern romance comic as filtered by Mark Millar. It was set in the past-but-really-now with the core story being that May gets pregnant on a summer vacation with her sister, who for some reason pretends that the resulting pregnancy is hers. I can't remember how or why this would be, but it was pretty squicky and hamfisted as I recall...and there's really no connection to Spiderman or Aunt May other than having the same name.

[locuatico]

summer job, actually.

[alschroeder3]

I had ALMOST expunged that from my memory. Not your fault. Oblivion isn't easy.

[shadowpsykie]

now say that and think of Sally Fields.

[kamino_neko]

Trouble, a Crimson Dynamo series, and a single issue anthology of series that were in the works when the line was cancelled.

[cainofdreaming]

This was the series about the prototype Dynamo that got hacked by a teen thinking it was a game? Huh, what did it do to deserve being under the same imprint? I mean, it wasn't great, but compared to the others...

[kamino_neko]

Compared to Trouble, you mean. The Epic Anthology wasn't...well, it wasn't Trouble.

Also, keep in mind that the 2003-2004 Epic was a revival of the name of an imprint they had in the 80s and 90s - which published such series as Elfquest, Groo, Sam & Max, the English translation of Akira, and Moonshadow.

[alicemacher]

Those selections from Issue 6 actually made for a nice palate cleanser, in that they're merely dull, not "why, God, why" awful.

Which is just as well, because the submission guidelines in #7 make my head hurt. On one page, Jemas says, "EPIC will not publish books that duplicate Marvel's current lineup." On the next, he says, "the EPIC books with the best initial sales potential will feature the major Marvel heroes and teams."

On another page, Jemas says that "pretty close to nobody" cares about Ghost Rider. In the very next paragraph, he says, "But Marvel would love to publish a new Ghost Rider book under the EPIC imprint."

...Does Jemas actually read the stuff that comes out of his head? Does he even care about making sense? I don't even know.

[kamino_neko]

Eh, that's not really contradictory. It really boils down to 'Don't pitch something we're already publishing, but a known character would probably sell better than a new property, so here's a list of characters we're not doing anything with. And, hey, most of them don't have really devoted fans, so feel free to do something nutty with them.'

[icon_uk]

Yeah, think of it like Swamp Thing. No one was really wanting to read Swamp Thing, but then Alan Moore's Swamp Thing came along....

No one wanted to read Blue Beetle after Ted Kord was killed in a crappy storyline and then an ethnic minority kid version was parachuted in... and then we got Jaime Reyes awesome series.

And so on

[beyondthefringe]

I...

I can't get past the drawing of Wolverine. Frank Quietly does not always do good work, does he. Good old Logan looks... like he wants to take me out back and do something unpleasant to me without consent or lube. BAD TOUCH.

I like how Jemas takes a dig at turning the Hulk intelligent and gray because apparently that's something Marvel would NEVER do. Except when Jemas' arch-nemesis PAD did so.

And the shots Jemas takes at DC, Image, and indie publishers.

Wow, this really was the bottom of the barrel in so many ways.

[richardak]

I, for one, really liked it when they turned the Hulk grey and intelligent. That was the only time I found the character remotely interesting. Green-and-stupid Hulk is boring. Every "classic" Hulk story has the same basic plot: Hulk wants to be left alone, but the military won't leave him alone. Banner wants to cure himself, but the military's pursuit of the Hulk sabotages his latest attempt at a cure. Some threat comes along that only the Hulk can defeat, which he does. Despite this, the military keeps chasing him, even though they can never catch him, and Banner keeps looking for a cure, even though he can never find one, since that would end the story.

Grey-and-smart Hulk was interesting. He actually went out and did stuff. The conflict was not all repetitive and artificial. That was the best run of Hulk.

Also, I do not like Quitely's art at all, on anything he's done that I've seen. With the right inker, I find his work tolerable.

[panthyr]

The best description of Quitely's art I've ever seen showed up on this very community (long enough ago that I don't remember the original commenter's name): "hideous potato people"
I've often thought that, as demonstrated by Spudverine above, it should be "hideous potato people with duckface".

[richardak]

"Hideous potato people with duckface"! "Spudverine"! That's perfect. Thanks for that.

[wizardru]

It's kind of a nonsensical statement to make, until you realize Jemas didn't like Peter David. I mean, on his watch, the Hulk went through multiple iterations, such as Joe Fixit, a merged personality (Hulk body with Banner brain) and even a version with a Savage Banner (which was pretty funny).

The Hulk was a top selling comic under PAD for well over a decade, so Jemas is just spewing bile, here.

Also, admitting he doesn't really understand his own product line? [Slow Golf Clap]BRAVO, sir{/slow golf clap]

[richardak]

I have to say that I disagree with his claim that superpowers only work as metaphors. I just don't think that's true. He may be right that teenagers want to read a title about a teenaged character with problems like their own, although most readers aren't teens anymore, so I'm not sure that that's relevant. But that doesn't mean that the character's powers have to be a metaphor for puberty or anything else.

Also, I'm not really sure that Dark Phoenix does work as a metaphor for being replaced evolutionarily. After all, it's not as though Dark Phoenix gives Jean Grey the power to have more surviving offspring.

The truth is, though, that powers are just a plot device. You want to tell a story about a character that flying to other planets and having space adventures, you need to give him the power to fly to other planets in some reasonable amount of time and do interesting things when he gets there. Maybe that means a power ring, but it could mean something else.

Any superpower can be interesting, and any superpower can be lame. It all just depends on the story you tell about how the character uses that power. Aquaman has superstrength, incredible reflexes, super-sharp senses, and telepathy, but the character is still lame. (Sorry Aquafans, but you know it's true.) Namor is very much the same basic concept, but somehow manages not to be lame. But Namor's powers aren't a metaphor for anything. He has the power to fly, apparently because of the little wings on his ankles, which is ridiculous, but somehow the character still works in a way Aquaman does not. (My guess is that they use Namor as an antagonist at least as much as as a hero.)

Neanderthals aren't animals. They're a sub-species of Homo Sapiens.

[7dialsmystery]

3.6 billion years ago, the first life on Earth (probably a single-celled organisms called Archaea) was anaerobic. Cyanobacteria performing photosynthesis began releasing O2 as a waste product about 3.4-3.5 billion years ago. This led to the Great Oxidation Event 2.3 billion years ago.

[philippos42]

Oh, joy, the old saw that Spider-Man can't grow up and get married, because he's a metaphor for youth.

So, wait, why did the adult heroes in the whole rest of the Marvel line except X-Men sell so well in the 1960's?

I suspect Marvel did well in the 1960's not because of metaphors (gag) nor "classic archteypes" nor "iconic" trademarks--but because they were new, different, and current. Too bad that by the time they hired Jemas, they'd thrown that away.

If they want to catch the kind of lightning Lee & Ditko caught with Spider-Man, they may need a new project with creators that have the kind of commitment Ditko, and then Johnny Romita, brought to Spider-Man. And better marketing and distribution then Jemas had.

And accessible stories, he's right about that. But he doesn't seem to get what makes stories work. Grey Hulk was cool. Married Spider-Man at least had the potential to be cool (and it actually was popular for a while). Hey, even She-Hulk replacing the Thing in the FF was pretty cool, because it was something surprising and different--and accessible. Change is OK.

[philippos42]

Oh, also, Jemas isn't just a boring scripter. He isn't just a dork who spent #6 recapping issues 1-5.

It really looks like he doesn't really get marketing; the product has to deliver what is marketed. If you're going to use naked(ish) women on the covers to sell the book, have the inside of the book have some connection to the naked women on the outside. If you want to write a dry story about philosophical pantheism, give it a cover that will attract the readership for a dry story about philosophical pantheism.

I don't know what he was thinking, Maybe he was trying to lose the bet?