Sheriff Archie versus Charles "Black Bart" Darwin

[dejadrew]

...Or, as it is more properly called, "Showdown at the Little Red Schoolhouse," from Spire Christian Comics Archie's Parables. The recent Spire Christian Archie posts have inspired me to dig up and repost my old scans that I originally put up on the old LJ.




Of all the cracktastic BS to come out of Spire's Archie titles, I like to think this is the crackiest. It features a variety of AU Archie stories where Archie and the gang face dragons, mad scientists, nazis, suicidal pelicans...

...No, seriously, there's a suicidal pelican. They help him find Jesus.

To start things off, here's one of my personal favourites, Showdown at the Little Red Schoolhouse.




Dude, I know you think he's cute, but it's enough to just say so and buy him the drink at this stage. Shooting off is a SECOND date activity.



"Pronto." "PRONTO." White boy in feathers and buckskins saying "heap big." Oh, mercy. This just hurts.

A slightly more subtle form of racism (only slightly): note what may be a jab against busing.



The Filthy Books place is honest and up front about their product. I respect that.



Dayumn, this really IS an AU! Mister Lodge showing Archie RESPECT and giving him MONEY?! NIGHT IS DAY. BLACK IS WHITE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S REAL ANY MORE. HELP ME JESUS.

It ends there, but personally I like to think what happens next is Pronto eating the bible, and saying "needs salt."

Comments

[violetclm.livejournal.com]

!!!
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[donnblake]

I mean, as far as reactions to evolution being taught go, opening up a Christian bookstore isn't the worst. At least they don't actually seem to be trying to stop it being taught in the schools here...

But what on earth is up with Archie's pants?

[dejadrew]

You DARE mock the sheriff's completely heterosexual fuzzy buttless chaps?!

[mercia]

Of course they're buttless chaps! If they had a butt, they'd be PANTS!

...except crotchless. So, there's that.

[dejadrew]

Oh, and for the record, the name of the publisher on the side of that delivery wagon? That is the christian publisher that is the parent company of Spire Christian Comics. So this whole story is basically a big ol' advertisement for Fleming H. Revell.

Capitalism and Faith! Two great tastes that taste great together!

[donnblake]

Don't get me wrong- I'd much prefer that folks go "Hey, evolution. All the evidence seems to support that, and there's enough of it that it seems to trump previous traditions," but I'd much rather "increase the town's range of reading materials," than say the Jack Chick approach, "harangue teacher with 'facts' disproving evolution, mention Jesus, who the darn evolutionist teacher hasn't ever heard of, somehow, and then gloat over the fact that said evolutionist teacher is going to Hell."

Or, you know, "Burn the books, the schoolhouse, and maybe the teacher, just to be sure."

[victory_or_death]

Only if the teacher weighs the same as a duck which will mean the teacher is made of wood.

[icon_uk]

I try to be an open minded person, I really do (I pretty much have to to look at myself in the mirror in the morning) but Creationists just make my head hurt.

[icon_uk]

The Filthy Books place is honest and up front about their product. I respect that.

Perhaps they mean they're simply dirty, having fallen off the back of the wagon...

Actuyally, nah... because as the almighty Tom Lehrer put it;

All books can be indecent books,
Though recent books are bolder.
For filth, I'm glad to say,
Is in the mind of the beholder!
When correctly viewed,
Everything seems lewd.
I could tell you things about "Peter Pan",
or "The Wizard of Oz", there's a dirty old man.

(Oh and can I please add in a request to see the one about the suicidal pelican, just, because... y'know... WHY NOT?)

[leoboiko]

You know, it would be fun to open a “filthy books” bookstore. Specializing not only in erotica, but also banned books, books rejected from school libraries, controversial books, teenage liberation handbooks, etc. etc.

[icon_uk]

Sadly, given the reaction of certain mindsets to suc things, you'd probably have a heck of a time trying to get fire insurance.

[espanolbot]

Heh, unintentionally comment on corporations forcing their opinions upon the world by collaborating with corrupt local services maybe?

And Darwin, you have a gun that's already been drawn, you can easily just shoot Moose and Archie as you implied you were going to do that anyway.

[shadur]

This is a parody, right?


... Right?

[dejadrew]

Keep telling yourself that. Shh. It will all be okay.

[blackruzsa]

This has a frightening amount of old timey Christianity that I don't remember from Archie.

[dejadrew]

This wasn't from Archie publishing proper. They licensed their characters out to another publisher, Spire Christian Comics, at the request of one of their artists, Al Hartley, a born again fundamentalist Christian who wrote and drew all these Spire Archie comics. It was kind of a pet project for him. A bit of the history here!

[blackruzsa]

Thanks!

[lieut_kettch]

Y'know, I never knew the teaching of evolution was a "thing" until I read this issue at my uncle's house (he had a stack of Spire Archie comics at his house). I went to a Catholic grade school and high school back in the 80's, and evolution was the only theory taught in science class. Our "Christian Living" (basically Catholic theology) class taught us not to take the Genesis creation story literally. The Bible issued to us for that class had a introductory chapter called, "The World Before the Bible" that started at the Big Bang and described the evolution of Homo sapiens from early primates.

Then I read this issue and I was like, "WTF? You mean there are Christians that DON'T believe in evolution?"

[icon_uk]

More or less my experience too. I went to a Catholic primary school, with nuns in the majority of the teaching staff, but even there we were taught the Genesis story, but also the concept of "allegory". Certainly, no one taught us Creationism and anyone who tried would probably have been fired, or mocked outright.

The notion that Creationism can be taught as an actual, "serious" school subject to the exclusion of the theory of evolution is something that still fills me with a certain sense of horror.