Wolverine and the X-Men #19

[lordultimus]

Comments

[gnarll]

Spider-Man seems exceptionally well qualified.

Sasquatch, Dr. Nemesis and the human teacher also seems like good candidates.

[lordultimus]

Spider-Man actually did end up teaching there for a time, which was where this memetic panel came from:



Doc Nemesis seems like the type to quickly lose his temper with his students.

The teacher here probably would report them (though a human teacher would probably be great for human-mutant relations).

Sasquatch... I dunno, Kitty thought hiring another hairy scientist screw-up would be confusing?

[remial]

I don't see any reason he couldn't both cure cancer AND turn people into dinosaurs.

[mastermahan]

Surely dinosaurs got cancer too.

[astrakhan42]

He's evil. It's probably against his contract with the Guild of Calamitous Intent.

[icon_uk]

The TriState area's recognised union is the League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments in Naughtiness! (Founder Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz )

[miramira]

Gym teacher didn't seem bad either.

[tigerkaya]

Except Nemesis is a mutant.

[astrakhan42]

Kitty could sense the presence of Warren Ellis on Hellstrom, so he was right out.

Also, Matt Murdock being the attorney for every Marvel hero (apart from those represented by She Hulk) will never stop being funny.

[icon_uk]

Kitty's first proper, mature relationship came via Warren Ellis (When she was being written as an adult women, before Claremont deaged her), so I would think she'd be quite positive about that.

[icon_uk]

I have to agree with the lone, actually qualified teacher there; What the hell kind of school is it when NONE of the staff are actually qualified teachers? (I had this problem when the book was announced, especiall Headmistress Pryde? I like Kitty and all, but based on WHAT actual qualifications is she appropriate for that role?

[chalicother]

I like Kitty and all, but based on WHAT actual qualifications is she appropriate for that role?

She can tolerate being around Logan for more than an hour? I mean it's a school run by Logan.

[scorntx]

Given this is the same Kitty who has called traumatised teenagers "babies", and is now supposed to be teaching those kids...
Yeah...

Presumably she gets the qualification because she's the best they've got?
(I mean, if your other teachers include Beast, and Iceman...)

[flint_marko]

When was that?

[scorntx]

Well, the first time was during the early days of the New Mutants (though in fairness to Kitty, she was a teenager at the time).

The one I'm hung up on is from an issue of New X-Men, where she refers to them as "X-Babies".
Which, given this was after Stryker had attacked the school and killed several of their friends, and was during the time Mercury had been abducted by X-23's creators, was kind of an asshole thing to call them, call back or no.

[icon_uk]

Beast got his doctorate, but has usually been a researcher rather than a teacher.

And Iceman is about the only other "graduate" of Xavier with an actual official qualifiaction in ANYTHING, he's a Certified Public Accountant.

[sarahnewlin]

Psylocke was a teacher lol but she got kicked out

[icon_uk]

Heck, Cypher showed up for an afternoon, presumably just to say Hi to Kitty, or use their washing machines or something, and the students referred to him as "Professor Ramsey".

[q99]

Hm, funny thing is the Xavier school was pretty well qualified. Emma had plenty of qualification when she was headmistress, and Xavier himself did.

Though it should be noted all the classic X-men and New Mutants have degrees from Xavier's.... decide for yourself how much those are worth.

[icon_uk]

Oh Charles and Emma as teachers would be fine, they actually are qualified educators AFAIK.

I wasn't aware that the original five and the original New Mutants had degrees. The trouble with that being (especially with the New Mutants) that most of them weren't intellectually gifted, only genetically.

They were smart kids, but the only ones who might be seen as academically gifted to degree level at the ages they were at at Xaviers are Hank (biochemistry IIRC), Kitty (astrophysics and electronic engineering) and Doug (Languages, and in his case only because of his powers, though he has the problem that he didn't so much drop out, as drop dead)

[q99]

Ironically as a whole, the X-men are better suited to teaching super science than job skills.

DeCosta has some business experience too (and I guess Warren?). I'll add 'computer hacking' to Kitty's list.

Hm, considering Xavier was very well versed (he'd use his telepathy to help learn) I wonder how much the others are simply passing on conventional lessons they learned from the telepaths.

Back in the Xavier days, especially pre-M-Day, the curriculum actually looked pretty impressive IIRC. I... think it was a more impressive school than the Jean Grey school ^^

And meanwhile, Revolution-Scott's little school had something like a 4:1 student:teacher ratio including Emma and Kitty, so they ended up fairly spoiled for lessons I'd think.

[icon_uk]

Kitty being a computer hacker was a late addition. Originally she and Doug were a hacking team; she built the cutting-edge hardware, he supplied the software skills. After he died, and the internet age arrived, she sort of picked up his skills too.

[q99]

Well before she became a teacher in any case, and explainable by her working *with* Doug and learning from him.

[icon_uk]

Is hacking a suitable class for a high school? :)

And I could (and have) pondered about how useful Doug would be in trying to explain how his powers work to others since they're intuitive; his brain just translates the languages but there's no indication he actually knows how the process of translation works or how he knows the code he's writing beyond "It does what I want it to do"..

I can get REAAALLLY nerdy about stuff like that

[q99]

Computer science, at least.

And, hm, good question... depends on the skill he's teaching. And is it that he auto-translates, or does he *understand* intuitively? A subtle but key difference. If he understands intuitively, he can stress what's important and not.

[icon_uk]

Questions like this are why Doug is my favourite.

We know that he does not process language methodically, as a scholar would. he doesn't go from A to B to C, he jumps straight from A to M (Where M is complete fluency) and would, as far as we have seen, be unable to articulate the intervening steps because his conscious mind wasn't involved.

He definitely does more than autotranslate what he reads, he comprehends the language in it's entirety. Though Quentin Quire has some feelings about it which I don't necessarily agree with.

He'd drive academics NUTS, since his translations would always be 100% accurate (and would be able to supply an entire lexicography and write in any tense you care to name, probably based off of nothing more than an incomplete recipe for chicken soup), but would not be able to explain WHY he knows it is correct or prove it comprehensively.

And context is another matter. He could read a Japanese joke book, but it's never been clear whether he'd actually understand the cultural context of the jokes intuitively and thus understand the humour, or he'd just get the words and be left baffled as to why anyone would find it funny. (Consider how "My dog has no nose." "How does he smell?" "Terrible!" might translate into other languages)

[q99]

Also I get the impression over time, his understanding has improve and had more context to it, simply because he's had more exposure to various contexts and picked up on them. So even if his powers may have a limit there, he himself is a human who's studied languages and their contexts for years.

[zylly]

This book was so nuts, but it was a lot of fun. And I still love how messed up Idie is, and how that makes her unafraid to be much more direct with people and call out their bullshit.

Amusingly, both Peter and Angela did end up teaching there.

And poor Toad. I really felt for him over this whole thing. As long as you forget the part where he was an evil terrorist.

[silicondream]

An "experimental brain defibrillator" means less than nothing, FYI. Brains don't contain anything that fibrillates.

Also, Hank, if you're asking the other smartest people in the world to help you solve a problem, maybe don't cut them all off while they're speaking? I mean, if it's Reed, he might be able to arrange a partial brain transplant from Broo's soul-stolen alternate universe counterpart or something.

[icon_uk]

Maybe Brood brains DO have something that fibrilates, or else it's like "Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow" a catchall term that means something when you're operating at Hank/Reed/Tony's level but meaningless to we mere mortals.