Excalibur 14 - Ummm... What?

[icon_uk]

Okay, I confess I had sort of called this, but I called it IN JEST!


The first battle, between Captain Britain and Isca the Undefeated, ends with... well, that's not a spoiler for me to spill. Read the issue to find out.

Saturnyne then calls the second battle, Bei the Blood Moon, and Cypher. Both are taken away by servants though neither has a clue what's going on.

Doug finds himsefl surrounded by silent handmaidens who dress him in a white robe that makes him look like an altar server, and bedeck him with a flower crown and still no idea what's happening.

Also have to say, Phil Noto draws a VERY pretty Doug Ramsey!

Illyana, who enjoys mocking the fashion choice accompanies him to his destination.

He has, actually fairly reasonable, concerns like are they going to hunt him for sport, or is this a "To Serve Man" situation, but it's actually weirder than that as they enter the chamber of the contest.




Okay, I like Kid Cable's gleeful thumbs up, and Illyana's "I'm mostly self taught" line made me smile, but serioulsy? A random marriage to someone he's never met?

What has this to do with Swords? Or the challenge?



Bei's abilities are a bit weird and relevant to the situation. Her basic power is a sort of psychic entity called the Doom Note. She herself doesn't speak, because the Doom Note manifests as a Black Bolt-like super-destructive sonic wave when she speaks. But the psychic nature of it allows her to communicate her intentions to others, so absolutely everyone can understand her instantly.

The sole exception to this is Cypher, whose language powers can't translate her, because she's not actually speaking a language,.. apparently. No I'm not sure I follow that either to be honest...



Saturnyne declares this match a positive draw and gives the Krakoa and Arakko sides a point each.

Okay... I have... questions. I have a LOT of questions...

Sure, it's a draw, but what was the alternative going to be? In what sense is a wedding a contest (aside from tedious romcoms with battling families etc). What would have happened if either had said "No"? Or fluffed their vows or something?

Gotta say, so far the X of Swords has had very little to do with swords. Of the... I think three matches we've seen, two of them weren't decided by swords: this and another which is REALLY stupid (Illyana vs Pogg-ur-Pogg, again, not going to spoil that here). In that case, what was the point (no pun intended) ot all the stabby metal being important in the build up?

Plus if Saturnyne can just award points on a whim, it feels a lot more moot, or at least more open to the sort of theatrics Dumbledore did with the House Cup Points?

As for this specific instance... well I'd be the first to agree that, though Warlock does seem to be his lifepartner, Doug HAS consistently been attracted to women: Kitty, Betsy, Rahne and Dani all spring to mind, so to deny that he'd be interested in a woman would be close to bi-erasure (or whatever shade of the romance/sexuality spectrum Doug falls under... ultraviolet perhaps?) but instantly accepting a wedding to someone he doesn't know just seems... not right.

Also to have him constantly mooning (again, no Bei pun intended) over Bei just because she's pretty and because she's the one person whose language he can't speak? Not buying it... except Bei's sword is called "Seducer" so perhaps there's a hint here that there's more going on than is currently being made clear.

After all, even if Doug went through with it to avoid the fight, why did Bei agree to it, she IS a warrior, even if Doug is not. I mean, yes, he's adorable, but given how she reacted to him in their only other known interaction in Maurders #14.



It doesn't seem likely. So there HAS to be more going on, hasn't there?

Oh, and of course, where IS Warlock in this situation? How does he factor in (as he makes no appearance here as himself.

He's there as Doug's arm in the wedding, so is he included in the marriage? Or is the fact he's specifically NOT included relevant? (Vows are VERY specific in fairytale settings), and note that Doug says that he accepts the vows until thus situation is over, rather than "until death do them part"...

I dunno, it all seems too cute and pat to be satisfying, so I am genuinely hoping this either goes somewhere unepxected as a storyline, or it's all over quickly,

Oh, and the most important question of all. Does this mean she is now "Mrs Bei Ramsey", or is he "Mr Douglas the Blood Moon"?

Comments

[gnarll]

Thoughts on this: Everyone seems quite cavalier about whats happening. I would have expected Doug to react to Betsys duel, and everyone who suffered during Dougs first death to be quite protective of him. Illyana laughing as he goes to a presumed death seemed off.

On the subject of the marriage, isn't he underage by quite a bit? I mean he was dead for a long time, chronologically he should be like 20, but in actual time I think about 15?

Which does go some way to explaining his reaction. He though he was going to die again, instead its going to be wedding night with someone attractive. Possibly virgin teen boy horomones go yay!

"Plus if Saturnyne can just award points on a whim, it feels a lot more moot, or at least more open to the sort of theatrics Dumbledore did with the House Cup Points?"

Saturnyne has pretty much plainly told Brian that if he gives her some dick, she'll call the whole thing in favor of Krakoa. Brian gone "I am a married man!" and that frustrates Logan (and Saturnyne)

[icon_uk]

Yes, Doug being blase about... what happens to Betsy seems off too.

Agreed the New Mutants might feel a bit protective towards Doug, but the only one present who was around when Doug died IS Illyana, the X-Men were busy pretending to be dead and living in Australia, and none of the other New Mutants are present.

No I don't think Doug would be underage, he's been back ten years publishing time now, so would be around 20 ish (Plus we know he's NOT a virgin because he had a one-night stand with Danger in PAD's X-factor run), but ages seem inconsistent since Dawn of X, especially the New Mutants, Rahne seems a deal younger than she used to be, so Doug might be as well.

And if he IS underage, hormones be damned, that is not something you depict in a comic. Underage is underage and just because it's a younger guy and an older woman does not make it any less acceptable.

that frustrates Logan (and Saturnyne)

And I can imagine Meggan would be less than pleased too "You mean you could have saved everybodies lives and the entire world just by having meaningless sex with Saturnyne, and you said NO? Noble? Certainly! Stupid? Absolutely!"

[gnarll]

I am sort of imagining Megan "Look I didn't want to say but you are really quite terrible at sex. Just take her to bed, and she'll stop bothering us. I guarantee it."

As for Doug, he was Kittys age to start with, and then he was dead for 30 years, which is about 8 years marvel time. So he's about 8 years younger than Kitty and Amara now. I want to add Illyana there but honestly, who knows with her?

Although the US age of consent is very high by western standards. It is possible he is not underage by Krakoa/Starlight citadel laws.

[obsidianwolf]

Age of consent in the US is all over the map since there isn't a nationwide law. Each state sets their own and they are incredibly varied. Most states it is sixteen with a handful setting it at seventeen or eighteen. A lot of them then have additional laws that affect things based on age or job of the folks involved but some just have hard line this is the age of consent no matter.

At the end of the day the only universal law in the US is the federal law that says you have to be over 18 to appear in sexually themed images or videos. Which is one of the reasons US highschool shows are even more prone to dawson casting than other countries. If you want to film any simulated romance the actors have to be above eighteen to film in the US.

Another example would be how Rob Lowe didn't get in trouble for having sex with a sixteen year old it was legal in that state but did get in trouble for filming it

Which when it comes to Krakoa I imagine if they adapted any US law it would be New Yorks since that was were they were based for so long which I think is 17 and Doug is probably over it.

[icon_uk]

The New Mutants are pretty much screwed in terms of being allowed to age in anything like a coherent fashion.

When they were the only junior team it wasn't so bad, they ranged from 13/14 (Rahne and Berto) to 18 and over (Sam and Xian) with everyone else somewhere nebulously inbetween. That left plenty of room for the original X-Men to be in their mid to late 20's.

But since then we've had Generation X, and numerous classes of the Xavier/Jean Grey School coming up behind them. so the New Mutant class are now permanently sandwiched somewhere in their early 20's because they bloody well won't let the X-Men age AT ALL!

So whilst Doug might have been a little younger than the rest when he came back (Though, as he wasn't particualrly younger looking or shorter than the rest of the team, it could well be that he was brought back at closer to what his physical age would be if he'd never died at all but who can tell anymore) he's now caught up with them because he had scope to age and they didn't.

I mean, how old is Doug compared to say, Husk, or Quentin Quire, or Nature Boy? Given he was a guest Professor at the Jean Grey School when they were still students (Well, Husk was faculty too) I'd guess he was still older than them now.

[obsidianwolf]

Reminds of the jubilee problem since she somehow managed to hit eighteen about three times before being reduced to 13-16 depending on what a writer wanted. which tends to correspond to the image of her as the eternal mall rat.

Or how Miles started out clearly around 13 and then jumped to sixteen only to briefly be eighteen when they were flirting with MIles/spidergwen and now back to being around 16 thanks to spiderverse.

[agent8]

As often as Marvel U characters die and come back the bureaucracy must have a process for this.
"You say you were born in 1982, but spent 10 years dead and 5 more in an interdimensional prison where you never physically aged?"
OK, you're gonna need Form RFD 174-A in triplicate, with a certified copy of your original birth certificate and original death certificate attached to each form
Two witness statements confirming your claim, accompanied by Form RFD 846-C, notarized
A certified copy of your discharge paperwork from said interdimensional prison.
Processing will take 4-6 weeks from the date you return all paperwork to us.

[icon_uk]

I'm sure I've seen a comic where She-Hulk, in a courtroom where she is doing her lawyerly thing, asks everyone who has died and come back to raise their hands and, it being not long after "The Infinity Gauntlet" half of the people raise their hands

Coming soon, the adventures of the latest global initiative (but probably mostly Americans) the Socialisation Housing and Rehabilitation for Ongoing Un-Deceased - Agents of S.H.R.O.U.D.

[gnarll]

It is also possible that Doug was not inactive while dead, but spent the time wiring up Helas palace for wi-fi or something.

[donnblake]

I suppose that the downside of Doug's mutation *could* be that he's incapable of processing communication without running it through his translation power, but you'd think he'd have run into enough empaths/telepaths/psychics by now that he'd have learned that already.

[dcbanacek]

Mazel tov?

[angry_marmot]

I'm interpreting this as a "treaty wedding" or political marriage, common enough in history and folklore to find humor in Illyana's offer of advice, Doug's shaky vows, the scary bride revealed, snarky witnesses, and the rest.

[cainofdreaming]

So.... Saturnyne is a shipper?

[shakalooloo]

Also big into self-inserts with Brian.

[iamrman]

I want to see what the other New Mutants think of Doug getting married. That would necessitate the writers to actually acknowledge that they exist.

[icon_uk]

For the purposes of the "X of Swords" event I can see why the focus has been on the two members of the team who are sword bearers. And future covers do show more of the originals, AND Warlock, so we shall see.

[iamrman]

I would just like to see an issue of New Mutants that actually includes the New Mutants, not the writer's pet characters.

[icon_uk]

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<a href=""https://www.marvel.com/articles/comics/a-new-chapter-begins-with-new-mutants-14">Have to say that I like the look of this, many of the classics, with a sprinking of the newer additions from various iterations</a>

[iamrman]

You mean to say Wolfsbane is more than a background character? Golly!

Also, yay, somebody remembered that Gabby exists!

[onsokumaru]

Doug just can't stop winning. And with minimum effort.

[redmagpie]

who among us (who is in any way attracted to women) turn down a giant muscular warrior lady

[icon_uk]

Dinner, conversation and a movie yes, instant marriage vows, no.

[beyondthefringe]

The tournament as shown thus far is completely batshit bonkers and it's obvious Saturnyne is trolling everyone for some reason only she knows. The matchups make no sense, the scoring makes no sense, and the rules make no sense.

But at least it's not 10 issues of stabby-stabby sword play.

With Doug, I think his power is basically... scrambled? Jammed? by Bei's nature... it's working very hard to decipher something which can't be deciphered and so there's like, static or something. And for a guy who understands everyone and everything, it must be alternately frustrating and fascinating to have a mystery to crack. Remember, as far back as his first appearance, Doug was all about cracking codes and mysteries. He practically wet himself with glee over Lila's Dyson sphere.

[deh_tommy]

Since we skipped over #13, I’ll just get this out of my system here: screw Betsy, screw Jamie, screw Apocalypse and screw our “heroes”.

[mastermahan]

Plus if Saturnyne can just award points on a whim, it feels a lot more moot, or at least more open to the sort of theatrics Dumbledore did with the House Cup Points?

This isn’t a tournament, it’s more like American “Whose Line Is It Anyway” – everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. The outcome is whatever Saturnyne says it is, because she can assign 50 points to Gryffindor for whatever she wants.

But if it’s not a tournament, then who cares? Maybe Saturnyne has some devious plan to stop the invasion without anyone the readers care about dying (or maybe 1 token death), but that means we’ve got 22 issues of Saturnyne sexually harassing Brian and tooling with everyone. That’s not very interesting.

It doesn't help that this is right after Betsy lost a duel to the death. We the readers know she's fine, but the characters should act like it matters.