DC vs. Vampires #2

[history79]

Comments

[blues32]

Okay, if anyone can deal with a vampire invasion, it's Batman. It wouldn't surprise me if he finds a way to bless every drop of water on Earth.

[owlbrigade1]

If the pope blesses a single ocean, then surely via the watercycle he's blessed all water on Earth? Except fossil water, of course, but one trip to an artesian well ought to take care of those. He could probably delegate that to minor priests.

[lordy_co]

"In preparation for an eventual vampire invasion, I've used my resources to keep an airplane full of priests flying around the globe blessing rainclouds. Every single droplet of water in the atmosphere is now a weapon against that bloodsucking, cowardly lot."

[cygnia]

"Our test run was blessing the rains down in Africa..."

[blues32]

"Turns out someone beat us to it. There's a sound system in the desert blessing the rain on loop."


This is actually true, by the way. Solar powered too.

[tinygaylaura]

As we know from Hellsing Abridged its easy for vampires to get the Catholic Church on their side

"Yes who could resist the lure of immortality"

"Among other things...."

"...........

Are you kidding me

What did they do, drive a truck of them up to your house?"

".................."

"WOW"

[dcbanacek]

Honestly, where's Azrael? Of all of the Bat "family" you'd think he'd be on the short list for this kind of thing.

[tinygaylaura]

This just makes me think of a scene from Razordblade Smile, one of my favorite vampire movies, where someone tries to repel the vampire hero with a cross and she proceeds to grab it say "Religion is the opiate of the masses" and kill the person who did this

[dcbanacek]

Which is why Azrael uses a big flaming sword to spread the "Faith" to the heathens.

[tinygaylaura]

Azrael: Fear not Gotham, I am here to save you!

Gotham citizens: horray, it's the Catholic Church!

Azrael: FROM YOURSELVES!

Gotham citizens: Oh no, it's the Catholic Church...

[dan_ingram]

Gotham citizens:...still better than the clown.

[cricharddavies]

This just makes me think of a scene from Razordblade Smile, one of my favorite vampire movies, where someone tries to repel the vampire hero with a cross and she proceeds to grab it say "Religion is the opiate of the masses" and kill the person who did this

What a pity that neither the makers of that movie nor you have any understanding of what Marx was saying with that comment. Of course, having been trained to think that context is for the weak, that's understandable.

[mazway_75]

I do love Damien's "stop acting surprised I'm not one" reactions.

And the Bruce/Alfred banter so delightful with Alfred just accepting "yes, he's a paranoid sort but have to roll with it."

[remial]

Steph would have said "your name is DAMIAN! Being a vampire has NOTHING to do with it"

[lbd_nytetrayn]

That was my favorite part, too.

[filthysize]

Is Bruce... reading the bible at the end there?

[icon_uk]

If he were, it's probably for the same reason WC Fields did: "I'm looking for loopholes"

[janegray]

Hey Bats, if "killing a vampire doesn't count because they are already dead," then surely it must be okay to kill Ra's, right?

[dan_ingram]

Ras is still alive, though. He's just been jumpstarted a few more times than usual ;)

[cainofdreaming]

Yeah, if just dying and then coming back to life would exempt you from the no killing rule then that'd apply to like half of his teammates in JLA.

Jason might also get a bit antsy about it.

[janegray]

I just don't see vampires as meaningfully "unalive."

They are actively sentient. For all intents and purposes, their being dead boils down to their not having a pulse. So what, do aliens that lack a circulatory system count as "okay to kill" too?

[blues32]

The problem lies in the corrupting aspect of vampirism. After all, there's a reason why blessed water and crosses hurt vampires. It's because they're NOT good.

[janegray]

True. And that's why I understand why Buffy spikes them on sight.

But batman thinks that if you don't risk your life to save the Joker, you are as bad as he is. So since when is being pure irredeemable evil an excuse?

I'll admit, I'm being extra salty about this because I'm a Jason and Wonder Woman fan, and Batman gave them a veritable truckload of shit over his no-kill rule even though they were both 100% justified (Joker is pure evil and basically exists to murder thousands of people for the lulz, Max had Superman under mind control and ready to commit genocide), so my knee-jerk reaction to this is "OH SO NOW killing is okay???"

[palgrave_goldenrod]

Surely the whole point of vampires is that they are unalive. They don't just 'lack' a circulatory system; they actually do possess one, it's just literally dead and non-functioning. It's the whole reason they need to drink blood to sustain themselves. It's a completely different kettle of fish from a living being which evolved without a blood circulatory system; a jellyfish is a living being that evolved in such a way and in such a setting that it doesn't need a circulatory system to live, a vampire is a dead being with a dead circulatory system that can for some quasi-magical reason still hold a conversation.

There may indeed be ethical dilemmas to killing vampires, but trying to argue that they're not actually dead (at least, in their classical forms -- which this depiction clearly is) seems a bit questionable one.

[tinygaylaura]

Batman: Stop pointing out the logical inconsitencies in my character at once

[cainofdreaming]

Only thing I hope from this is that at some point Zauriel walks into the JLA conference room and half the people there just go "Argh!" and burst into flames.

[numeronone]

Damian has become Catholic

[donnblake]

I'm a little confused by Barbara's outfit. Is she wearing a red wig over her cowl over her actual red hair? Or just a headband with bat-ears?

[scorntx]

Think it's the later.
But the former would be funnier.
No-one will suspect the red haired, green eyed, tech-savvy girl of being that other red haired, green eyed, tech-savvy girl!

[mastermahan]

It's reverse psychology! Batgirl wouldn't wear a wig that's her own hair color, so obviously her hair color must be anything but red!

Then again, Kate Kane is a redhead who wears a red wig. Maybe gingers have special rules. It would explain why Jason only stayed a redhead for like five minutes.

[scorntx]

And so the criminals of Gotham assume Batgirl and Batwoman are using hair dye, and fruitlessly search for whoever's buying it in bulk, allowing Barbara and Kate to remain safely anonymous.

As for Jason... well, it's just because Bruce likes his kids to have black hair.
If Steph had just gone with the flow, maybe she would've gotten a memorial.

[donnblake]

Is she protecting a secret identity or trying to prevent Lois Lane tricking her into marriage?

[scorntx]

These are not mutually exclusive goals.

[leahandillyana]

I apreciate the humour, but this is disappointing for the premise. Also, I want to point out that Cass is covered head to toe, doesn't speak and apparently has not drank her cocoa. Note that she removed one of her gloves only in the dark. And while the cross doesn't hurt her, it's entirely possible that this one detail was what Bruce got wrong - or that it works only on those believing it works (which may also apply to holy water).

[brerrabbit]

Cass does speak in the comic plus I think Bruce tested her first before going to the others given that he trusted her to him if there was something off about the others.

[jaxjyls]

Of course Todd holds his upside down

[blues32]

Actually, come to think of it...I don't think Bruce has thought this through as much as Batman should. Unless vampirism is directly linked to Christianity, there's no reason why the crucifix would hurt them. Marvel had the right of it when Kitty Pryde couldn't stop Dracula with a cross, but when her pendant of the Star of David was revealed, he recoiled. It's not the object, but what it represents.

Which begs the question...does the Bat symbol qualify? Surely the Bat Family have faith in it. In what it represents. What about Superman's? I mean, it literally means "hope". The sight of it fills people with it.

Batman should also be getting in contact with people like Red Tornado, Cyborg, Robot Man (if he exists), all the Metal Men (if they exist)...basically anyone lacking in the blood department. Ones who CAN'T be made into vampires. And Swamp Thing! Oh my god, how has he NOT contacted Swamp Thing?

[velacron]

You seem to be under the impression that vampires being hurt by a symbol of whatever one believes in is the original tale rather than the modern Marvel subversion?

Originally, the cross was said to burn vampires because vampires are evil and Christ Is King. The cultures we get our vampire tales from didn't doubt Christianity as the One True Faith, after all.
Then, in modern times of religious pluralism, many writers didn't like the underlying assumption of Christianity being objectively true, so they tried to adapt vampire lore for a modern, religious diverse audience by creative alternate takes as to why vampires are hurt by crosses.
For example, in Discworld and IIRC DnD, it is holy symbols in general who hurt vampires by representing the gods behind them, whereas, as you recall, at Marvel they famously had the idea that vampires could be warded off by whatever a human being truly believed in, so a cross for Nightcrawler, a Star of David for Kitty etc. which is IMO quite the brilliant take with a lot of potential
And Dance of the Vampires has it so that any religious symbols only works on a vampire who shared that religion in life, so a Christian cross won't work on a Jewish vampire. Admittedly, that take is more comedic in nature.

(But as we are talking about DC and not Marvel here: while both shared universes basically bend the rules however any given writer wants for a story, just as with time travel, in general, DC could be argued to be a lot less hesitant about using explicitly Christian motives and imagery - such as, but not limited to, a literal Angel of Heaven serving on the Justice League, the Spear of Destiny, the Phantom Stranger being canonically revealed as Judas Iscariot doing his penance, etc.
I am not sure how the Christian community feels about this, though it seems to me that it is not necessarily more respectful toward Christianity to treat biblical motives as public domain characters and then have Saints and Angels clash heads with all of their action figures pool than Marvels more hands-off approach of only ever alluding to the One Above All)