scans_daily

For my first post of the new year, we feature another classic long-running British gag comic, the Dandy. This is issue #2171 from 7/2/83. (Six pages of nineteen, with the other features described.)

Sadly, this is the only Desperate Dan we'll be seeing, as his feature is a double-page spread that reads across both pages, and I'm just not technically competent enough.

*The Smasher: A young fellow who enjoys breaking things. He's just seen an old-fashioned Western movie, and decides to play "Indian" with a rubber tomahawk and feather headdress. He "scalps" a storekeeper's dummy, then ambushes a "wagon train", making the downhill racer wagons crash. Finally, he chases some "buffalo" (cows), but is caught by the farmer, who canes the little rascal. Just like in the movies, the "cowboy" always wins.

*Harry and his Hippo: Exactly what it says on the tin. They decide to sign up for a "talented pet" competition, though Hippo won't tell Harry what talent it intends to display. After a couple of amusing scenes with other pets, it is revealed that Hippo is not half bad at stage magic.

*Brassneck: A boy's mechanical companion. There's new glassware in the house, and Brassneck is sent outside to prevent him breaking it. Too bad young Charley didn't count on his father dusting outside. Brassneck starts sneezing, and every time he does, his metal nose extends, smacking a fish tank, Charley or other inconvenient targets. Finally, Charley manages to get the dust cleared out of Brassneck, only to be blindsided by a trombone.

New comics day is much the same everywhere.

*The Burrd: Hideous avian of indeterminate species. It's learned to push buttons, much to the annoyance of its owner. After it causes several troublesome moments, the burrd foils a robbery with its button-pressing skills, earning a reward.

*Izzy Skint: A perpetually-broke young fellow. It is an unusually hot summer (and 1983 was a scorcher in England, I attest) which gives Izzy the idea to sell lemonade. It doesn't work out.

*Tom Tum: Little man with a big appetite. He's invited to play footer with the lads, but is looking for some way to get grub instead. A woman asks Tom to bring a large lunch-box to her husband. Tom tries to break into the box to filch some of the food, but is unable. At the construction site, the contents turn out to be a football strip, and Tom is "invited" to participate in their afternoon game.

*Desperate Dan: A tall-tale Western character, ala Pecos Bill or Mike Finn. He lives in Cactusville, which is kind of a cross between the Wild West and suburban England, with his frail Aunt Aggie. In this strip, he performs various acts of awesome power, to which Aggie responds with, "there's only one Dan!" But then there's voices from outside claiming to see more than one Desperate Dan. Turns out they're talking about the t-shirts the magazine is giving away. How amazing is Dan? This is a man who regularly eats cow-pies and asks for more.

No doubt this is even more hilarious if you are from the regions in question.

*The Tricks of Screwy Driver: A young handyman. Dad wants to get into the garden shed, but the door is stuck. Screwy tries to help, but Dad keeps injuring himself instead. Eventually, it's learned that Dad wanted to get out the fitness equipment.

Sneaky seems to appreciate the smell of fine cigar smoke.

*Desperate Dawg: funny-animal Western. Dawg and the sheriff spruce up the town hall in preparation for a visit from the state governor. Sadly, Dawg accidentally bashes the governor up a bit.

*Dinah Mo: An extremely aggressive girl who appears to be the illegitimate offspring of Popeye. She's looking forward to Inter-School Sports Day, and helping her school win. Sadly, she's deemed too rough for contact sports. After successfully injuring her opponents in three non-contact sports, Dinah is finally allowed to participate in a contact sport...the three-legged race, where she's paired up with Big Bertha. Bertha looks pleased by this, Dinah does not.

*Bully Beef and Chips: Over-muscled young fellow, and his favorite victim. A couple of the neighbor girls have dressed up as gypsies, and offer to tell Chips' fortune. Beef sees this happening, and steps in to make his own predictions while roughing up poor Chips. He even follows the victim home to witness Chips' mother scolding him for getting so dirty. Later, Beef spots Chips getting his fortune told again, from a "gypsy" with its back turned. Beef dumps a sack of soot on the pair. At this point, we discover that the "gypsy" is a genuine adult male Roma (very very stereotypical looking) who proceeds to give the boy a thorough walloping.

I have to admit, that if you like that sort of thing, Beef really fills out his spandex shorts well. You could bounce quarters off that butt.

More British comics in the weeks to come, but first, how about some doctor comics? You all like doctor comics, right?

Your thoughts, comments?

Suggested tags
medium: british comics
publisher: dc thomson
title: the dandy