Fusion #2

[essaybee]

A long while ago, I uploaded the first issue of my webcomic Fusion (see http://scans-daily.dreamwidth.org/tag/title:+fusion). You folks gave me a lot of good feedback, and I've hopefully put your input to good use. I currently working on (and posting) the 4th issue, but wanted to post the second issue here for any further feedback you might offer.

Biggest problem with the first issue was the way-too-long and way-too-frequent exposition of the heroine. Hopefully the narration is much smoother in this second issue. If you enjoy this issue, let me know, and I'll be sure to upload Issue 3 in a week or so. (3rd issue contains some formatting changes from the first two issues, as well as the introduction of more varied line weights.)

Thanks in advance for any and all help (or simple encouragement) you folks offer! (And give me a few minutes to tinker with the cut, since I always seem to have to copy and repaste them before they work.)

Comments

[crinos]

I just discovered Fusion, and added it to my webcomic list. I have to say I love it. I'm always looking for new heroes and villains to put into my MnM setting, and I like the legitimate in story explanation for the main characters fourth wall breaking (other than she's just goofy/insane guy).

I also like Pharoahmoans power; its very intriguing for a character to have pheromone control powers that only work on their own gender.

Pharaohmoan's Power

[essaybee]

As you point out--and unfortunately for Harold (aka Pharaohmoan)--his pheromonic energy powers only work on men. However, it's not so odd that it works only on his gender because he gets his powers from Penellope--the entity fused to him--who is female.

[crinos]

Anyways, reviewing the previous critique of the first fusion, I notice someone took offense at you creating expies of the big three of DC. I for one don't see this as a problem; Robert Kirkman, the author of Invincible, pointed out that he made the first iteration of the Guardians of the Globe (the ones Omni Man slaughtered) into a group of JLA Analogues so that readers would instantly identify with them. So when you're creating a universe where superheroes are already established as existing, and you want to make a hero group out to be well revered and powerful compared to the main character, you make them similar to the JLA or avengers; When you want to establish some guy as a badass normal with no sense of humor, you make them a batman analogue, When you want a fun loving joker, you make them a spider-man Expy.

Its a cheap trick, but it does work. Most rpg super hero settings (like Freedom City and Halt evil doer!) do the same thing pretty much; creating expies for popular characters and then giving them a more in depth story once the reader gets hooked.

Also, I love the X brothers.

Those X Brothers

[essaybee]

Sweet! Looks like you're already up to speed with Fusion. And speaking of the X Brothers . . . You'll learn a bit more about them in Issue #4.

Re: Those X Brothers

[crinos]

Yeah, well, first thing I do when I discover a webcomic I like is go on a massive archive bing. (Seriously, last summer I went totally crazy and plowed through Fans!, College Roommates from Hell, El Goonish Shive and the entire Walky saga in the span of like a week, it was nuts).

I'm just glad your comic is relatively new.

Also, congrats of being in the crossoverlord sequel, I'm actually friends with the guy who writes Point Guardian.

[mistervader]

Conroy Industries.

My geeker-sense just went off the charts.

[falseaesop]

So the Brooder, the Batman expy is quck to downplay the connection to Conroy industries. Nice gag there.

Also dig the Aliens reference.

[nezchan]

Looks good, there's a lot of nice stuff in here and it definitely holds my interest as a story.

Couple of suggestions: A bit more care with the backgrounds would really go a long way to making the strip more immersive. Your figure drawing isn't bad, and will clearly improve with experience, but the backgrounds are very sterile and lack a lot of life. Everything is solid and mechanical, even inside her own bathroom, which leaves a bit of a cold feeling.

Watch the main character's eyes when she's wearing glasses. There are a lot of times where they're out of alignment, which doesn't seem to happen in the mask. Figure out where the eyes go before the glasses go on, it'll help.

Generally speaking, the action I can see here is pretty solid. Practice gesture, go check out some good sports reference (basketball, soccer and volleyball are great for this, check out Flickr for lots of it) and really get those body twists and big gestures down, it'll really shine through in your work if you're practicing that on the side.

By the way, I like the "entity inside the head" device, it's good for transforming narration into conversation. You seem to have a good handle on dialogue (which, like the figures, will continue to improve as you go along), so that's a good excuse to shine. Keep it up!

[blackruzsa]

OH MAAAAN I remember seeing Fusion and loving it in the old comm but I lost the link and I didn't know how to get my hands on more.
This is looking like a heck of a lot of fun :)

[ravenous_raven]

This looks pretty good so far. Just off the top of my head as a reader, not anyone who's studied art or writing:

-you might want to watch the color palette for the superheroes. For instance, in the meeting room, everyone seems to be wearing a shade of blue (or blu-ish purple) or black (to silver and grey). I know the animators for Teen Titans had that problem with red and black for supervillains, so just watch out in case you start to have everyone blending together in similar colors.

-might also want to review the proportions of Fusion's face and upper torso. So far, everybody else has masks that cover most of their face, but with Fusion, it's easier to see if, say, her face shape starts changing from oval to heart-shaped, like in pages 11 and 12 when Fusion starts geeking out.

-the narration's a lot better than last time, though the "dear reader" bit is, at least to me, starting to be somewhat repetitive.

Other than that, the art's pretty good, the dialogue is punchy and fun, and the premise is interesting.

[essaybee]

These are all good points, and I'll address each in turn.

First, the identical color schemes for the 3 SAS founders. I talked about this in the Issue #1 post, but here's an edited version for their suits looking similar. Some minor spoilers may follow, but it'll be awhile until these little details are revealed (and some may be backstory that's never given in the comic, although Savunn may write about it in her blog at some point--http://savunnslife.blogspot.com).

The Brooder, as his secret identity, owns a multi-billion dollar tech company. The Riveter is a tech wiz and, as her secret identity, works for the Brooder's company. She's the one who designs most of the Brooder's gadgets, as well as the tech for SAS. So, she designed both the Brooder's armor and her tech suit, and used similar materials for both, hence the similar colors.

Captain Stupendous used to wear a garish, brightly colored costume designed by his mother. However, when Alanna Alliteration (his unofficial girlfriend, as mentioned at the end of Issue #1) and the press started reporting on Stupendous, they made a few comments about his costume and how the Brooder was the sexiest superhero. Being somewhat vain--not to mention wanting to impress Alanna--Stupendous asked Riveter to redesign his costume into something sleeker and sexier. At this point, the three heroes had already begun to put SAS together, and the Riveter thought that the founding members should have a somewhat cohesive color scheme, and thus you have the similar colors for the three heroes' costumes.

As for Fusion's proportions . . . She should have a rounder face, but, since I'm far from a great artist, I tend to over elongate her jaw when her mouth is open and don't always notice it until I'm coloring. Her shoulders should also be a bit broader and her legs a bit shorter than the typical supermodel female proportions. Any deviations from these guidelines are purely from my limitations as an artist.

And the Dear Reader bit . . . You're not the first to comment on this. I'll try to keep these to a minimum, but I use that as a proper name for you, the reader (although the Dear Reader phrasing is something Stephen King uses--or used to use--it's been a long time since I've read any of his books), so I tend to throw that out there whenever she is consciously talking to you. Still, I will try to keep an eye on how much it's used. That said, I have noticed that I used it a bit too much at times, so it's just something that I have to keep myself aware of.

[psychopathicus_rex]

This is pretty nifty so far. While I didn't exactly have problems with the first issue, I will say that the second shows some obvious improvements. (For one thing, I recall that there was a bit of an over-reliance on stock poses in the first issue - that's gone; the body language feels very natural.)
I do have one question, though - the Grasshopper. I'm guessing that he, like Savunn, is a newbie hero that the SAS want to get acquainted with. Has this been previously referred to in-comic? I just ask because his appearance appears to come somewhat out of the blue, and while one can fill in the blanks, a little narrative assistance in that direction would be of help. Savunn seems to know who he is - a caption saying something like 'wow, the Grasshopper! He debuted like a week before me!' would be of help. Just a suggestion - I know you've moved on from this issue, but...

Grasshopper's intro

[essaybee]

You know, in my original draft of the script with Grasshopper's first appearance, I had a little blip about Grasshopper but dropped it because I figured his place as a newer hero--but more established than Fusion--would be apparent by her reaction to him, and I was being a lot more careful with my use of Fusion's inner exposition. Perhaps this was a purple box that could've stayed. I also figured she'd be too excited by Grasshopper's appearance to think to take the time to introduce him to the reader.

Similarly, when Captain Stupendous and Riveter are revealed on page 12, I thought about introducing them by name again, since they had only been shown in 1 panel in issue #1 and readers could probably have used a reminder.

Re: Grasshopper's intro

[psychopathicus_rex]

The thing is, though, is that by having Fusion aware of the audience and talking right to them, you've given yourself a perfectly valid excuse for bits of exposition that would otherwise seem gratuitous. I mean, if Savunn is trying to keep her audience updated, she WOULD give out a lot of fiddly little details like that. So yeah, I'd say that one could have stayed.
I don't think you need worry on the latter score, though. I remembered who CS&R were, even though not by name - this may be due to the fact that they're thematically linked to the 'Big 3'. Having the Brooder, a Captain Ersatz of Batman, involved fairly prominently reminds one that, oh yeah, there's versions of Superman and Wonder Woman, too.