The Cure for Cancer!

[espanolbot]

There's this thing over in TV Tropes called "Reed Richards is useless", the idea being that despite all the overblown superscience avaliable in superhero comics, none of the spectacular advances made will ever impact regular folk due to the restraints of keeping the setting as close to reality as possible. This isn't the case in every series (the DCAU did a good job in keeping ideas around once they were invented, the process that created Mr Freeze being replicable, for example), but Marvel, with their long time ethic of being more "real" than DC's output it's particularly noticable.

One way that this presents itself is in that most stock of end goals for science: the Cure for Cancer! Thing is, there are numerous actual cures for the condition knocking about in the Marvel Universe, but unlike the Reed Richards is Useless trope, the reason why they're not available isn't because they're too impractical or expensive for the public market, it's... well, the people who discovered it are kind of tools.

Example one, the most recent one: the Quiet Man from Fantastic Four. There he discovered the cure for cancer and promptly destroyed it again, because he didn't want anyone to be happier than him. Huh, you'd think that he'd take the Henry van Statten (from the episode Dalek) approach from Doctor Who and just water it down into something weaker to keep people buying it for longer, but whatevs.

Examples two, Norman Osborn, from the Deadpool crossover with Dark Reign. He invents the cure for cancer... and promptly weaponises it. Seems like it has limited applications really, considering it would only really be effective against Deadpool.


The bizarre thing is that Osborn (particularly during his "everyone likes and trusts me despite my murderous escapades in the Pulse" phase) is exactly the kind of narcissist who'd wave the fact he'd cured cancer in people's faces.

Example three, probably the most contraversial one here... Black Panther hoarding the cure for cancer due to cultural imperialism.





Hrrm, pretty sure that BP was one of the science-heroes approached by one of the Captain Marvels when he found he was dying of cancer back in the day... although it's possible that that cure wouldn't have worked for CM (pretty sure he was an alien), retcons like this don't exactly help matters as they make the protagonist look like a dick.

Example four, Sauron's got different priorities (Spider-man and the X-Men).

Welp, can't argue there, I guess.

Special DC Mention: Lex Luthor is one of those characters who at least has a justification for why his bigger discoveries don't really impact the world that much (his ego tends to cause him to funnel his time and money into defeating Superman rather than living up to his full potential). Ironically, he's also one of the few supervillains on this list that ended up getting cancer (both in the comics and in the DCAU), and it's all purely his own fault.

Yeah, turns out that carrying a chunk of radioactive space rock on your finger for years has an adverse effect on your health, funny that.


Unfortunately for Lex, getting a Luke Skywalkerish robohand doesn't stop the spread of the disease, so he's forced to do the obvious: have a younger version of himself cloned (complete with hair), transplant his brain into it, and then pretend to be his own long lost, Australian son.

Also he was sleeping with one of the Supergirls... which is a level of awkward on numerous levels.

Turns out that even this didn't work, as the wonders of early to mid-1990s cloning technology wasn't up to Lex's own standards, and his new body began to disintegrate. Luckily for him, help came in the form of a crossover event, where the demon Neron gave Lex a younger, healthier body in exchange for his soul (which Lex doesn't believe in, I guess, because SCIENCE!). He was still bald though, because Neron was one of those tiresome monkey's paw kind of wish-granters.

The amusing thing is that back in the 1960s, in one of their What If/pre-Elseworld stories(Lex Luthor, Hero! from 1961), Lex does indeed cure cancer (while still in prison) to prove that he'd reformed...


...Only for it to just be an elaborate trick to kill Superman.


So yeah, he succcessfully cured cancer, but only just so Superman would let his guard down... That sounds like Lex Luthor alright.

Comments

[md84]

I like how Lex blames Superman for his cancer. As if it's Superman's fault Lex was stupid enough to wear a ring made out of radioactive material. Batman has the sense to keep his kryptonite in a lead-lined container. At least it's consistent with Lex's character.

[espanolbot]

In the DCAU, Lex carried around a chunk of the stuff the size of his fist for YEARS, and somehow was surprised that it gave him unspecified torso cancer... cancer that was held at bay due to a Tony Stark-ish chestplate created by the Ultrahumanite, but was still enough to trigger his descent into more active supervillainy (giant robots and the like).

[md84]

He blamed Superman for it in that continuity too. The insane logic Lex employs to justify his vendetta against Superman is almost comical. If Lex tripped on an untied shoelace he'd find a way to blame Superman for that too.

[burkeonthesly]

The insane logic Lex employs is consistent with the kind of insane logic narcissists in general employ to justify their actions and beliefs. Sadly, there are real people who think pretty much like Lex Luthor.

All Star Superman

[espanolbot]

Lex: I could have made everyone see. I could have saved the world if it wasn't for you!
(Superman knocks him out)
Superman: You could have saved the world years ago if it mattered to you, Luthor.

Re: All Star Superman

[md84]

Notably, the animated version of that storyline has the ONLY time Lex ever actually admits responsibility for anything.

Lex: "...You're right."

Re: All Star Superman

[night4345]

He also admitted he's at fault for his daughter getting taken by Brainiac.

[reveen]

I actually wouldn't put it past Luthor to deliberately give himself cancer in a plot to fuck with Superman under the assumption that he'd be able to cure it in after "Cos I am a genius".

[dr_archeville]

In Luthor's defense, for decades the rule was that Kryptonite radiation was only harmful to Kryptonians, and had no effect on non-Krytponian life, so he had every reason to expect it not to harm him. The "it does effect non-Kryptonian life, just much slower" was a change.

[icon_uk]

Yeah, but that "Gree-K radiation doesn't hurt people" was only relevant pre-Man of Steel, so this being post-Man of Steel Luthor, he had no expectation that it WOULDN'T hurt him (it only being known as a weirdly radioactive mineral), and might have been warned of the risks very early on (I can't recall) in that iteration of Lex.