X-Men Red #5: "The Hour of Uranos"

[alliterator]

"Uranos is the living embodiment of the world's worst grandparent, hammering on the ceiling, shouting "TURN IT DOWN! ALL MODERN MUSIC IS JUST NOISE!"

Though Uranos may be the other way around. He doesn't want tunes. He just wants white noise. He would have nodded appreciatively when Atari Teenage Riot used to encore with 45 minutes of static."

-- Kieron Gillen


Uranos the Undying is unleashed for one hour to attack Arakko.

Comments

[iamrman]

If I didn't already want to see the Eternals get fucked up, then I certainly do now. I still don't give a toss about the named mutants of Arakko, it's the nameless masses that I feel for.

[cainofdreaming]

That's kind of a full time job, isn't it? Because that's what nameless masses are for in comics. Nameless masses of Inhumans, Slorenians, Genoshans... You could say it's a constantly recurring event if it ever stopped at all.

[iamrman]

Of course Al Ewing is the one to make me care at all.

[blues32]

So...where's Magneto and Storm? The two people who would do wonders against a machine army?

[alliterator]

Storm was on Krakoa, giving the Arakko perspective to the Quiet Council.

Magneto, on the other hand, was there at the Great Ring when Uranos attacked. You have to read the issue to find out what happened to him.

[super_fly]

Bad timing, that. The current status of the Arakko perspective may require an update.

[mastermahan]

Yeah, even with ROT13, I'm not going to spoil what happens with Magneto. It's too good.

[shadowpsykie]

I am guessing the Eternals attacked...?

[alliterator]

"Uranos the Undying is unleashed for one hour to attack Arakko."

[giraffesforever]

The Machine, which is literally Earth, can open portals to Mars?

[cainofdreaming]

I, whose voice can only carry for... well, not that far, can talk to someone on the other side of the planet.

Sure, the Machine is Earth. But it's not just a planet. It is Celestial tech. Planets don't generally resurrect people either.

[lordultimus]

Remember, if Uranos turned out to have an X-gene after mass mudering Arrako, Krakoa would have to take him in.

That's the rule.

[mindsweeper]

If Uranos wanted to join Krakoa, you bet they'd take him in. Of course, his power levels would inexplicably drop by 99% and he'd job to some Orchis drone.

[alliterator]

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a joke, but if you're being serious, then no, they wouldn't:
1. If Uranos had the x-gene, he would be a mutant, not an Eternal, and therefore wouldn't have attacked Arakko. (His philosohy is "all non-Eternal life must be destroyed").
2. If he *had* attacked Arakko, that's in violation of the "murder no man" law of Krakoa, since he's not just attacking mutants who wouldn't be resurrected, but he's attacking the humans and aliens of the Diplomatic Zone, too.

If this is a joke, I...still don't understand it. Are you making fun of the fact that Krakoa accepts former villains? Because the X-Men have been doing that for a LONG time, since Rogue joined the team. Are you making fun of the fact that Cassandra Nova was on Krakoa? Because her redemption arc and eventual joining of the X-Men was foreshadowed way back during Grant Morrison's run.

[giraffesforever]

I've certainly been critical of the X-gene rule keeping certain people out and letting certain people in, but, just for fun and absurdity:

The council lets non-human mutants on Krakoa, e.g. Broo, Warlock, Shatterstar. Who is a mutant Eternal? Impossible for an unchanging people. Except the just completed Eternals series says Thanos has evolved and become something different because of his genetics. How funny would it be to have an Eternal who just got done fighting Thanos get sent to fight some mutants instead, and find Thanos sitting there at the bar with an umbrella drink. "You're here too??!! Dammit!"

[mastermahan]

Well sure. Uranos is only number 2 on the mutant-killing rankings, and they let number 1 in.

Mind you, I'm sure Krakoa will find some way to blame humans for this.

[justsotired]

...The verdict's in, Isca the Unbeaten is officially one of the worst ideas ever puked forth from the mind of a writer. If this issue is the best idea *Al Ewing* can come up with for a character, then the character's officially terrible.

I need to be less negative. Uh, hm. Al Ewing's doing the best possible job of cleaning up Hickman's legos. No, no...

Maybe if Al Ewing does a really good job they'll put him in charge of the X-Office after Hickman's done, and he'll rip out my heart and stomp on it but without relying on meaningless intrigues and without all these joyless unapproachably high-concept characters? Maybe he'll actually put all the New Mutants together in one book again?

[justsotired]

Note: When I say 'rip out my heart and stomp on it' I mean in... the good way? The cathartic way? There's a term for it, but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is.

[alliterator]

Hard disagree. Isca the Unbeaten has one of the most interesting powers in a LONG time and seeing how it works in various situations is fascinating. Plus, seeing how it can be manipulated and perhaps even weaponized against her -- Sunspot's "losing without losing" trick -- it super interesting.

Just the fact that we don't know if her powers are *compelling* her to switch sides or if she's just doing it because it's the easiest way is interesting.

[akodo_rokku]

Hickman has been done for months now. No idea who's currently in charge though. For this event at least, presumably Gillen.

[mastermahan]

I'm afraid Isca changing sides is going to be the new "The Watcher shows up to look serious" - a way of telling the audience things are bad that gets beaten into the ground. It's too bad Bobby didn't tell them about his "lose without losing" trick - they could have just bet Isca that Arrako loses.
---
Still, I appreciate Kurt's tactic of just dumping Isca in the ocean. That was smart.

[blues32]

I've come up with a way to get rid of Isca the Unbeaten. Have Deadpool challenge her to a contest of who can create the best artwork by blowing their brains out onto a canvas. Not only will she be dead, but she'll make the most wonderful painting Deadpool can hang up in his house.

And it would have to be Deadpool. I can't think of anyone else who can literally blow their brains out and survive. Most people with a healing factor that powerful have unbreakable skulls.

[freezer]

And playing the part of Cassandra Nova, Uranos.

[gnarll]

Read it late. Should have skipped it. Did not enjoy it at all.

Only positive was that the vauted Arakki omegas of the Great Ring goes down like the talked up nothings they always were. But beyond that, the Xmen just get chumped like in AvX and IvX.

Legion fights Uranos offscreen. Boo. The mutants mostly line up and fight Uranos one by one in an orderly fashion giving him plenty of time to deal with each one. Magneto has someone make him metal, though. But its because he is limited to metal telekinesis again, like he was in the early 60s issues of the X.men. Although unlike back then, they seem to have forgotten that he has shields. And unusual toughness.

Those shields used to deflect blows from Galactic and Phoenix, block reality-warping attacks, etc. Now he gets punched.

Immortal X men did much more with the Uni-mind fight, including a callback to Exodus fight with Sersi. It was far better.

[alliterator]

"But beyond that, the Xmen just get chumped like in AvX and IvX."

I don't recall the X-Men getting "chumped" in IvX. But also, this battle was vastly different from those. For one thing, Uranos is a Darkseid-level threat. In that he's literally Thanos's grand-uncle and is therefore more powerful and more dangerous than Thanos himself.

"Although unlike back then, they seem to have forgotten that he has shields."

No, pretty sure he still has shields, Uranos can just punch through them.

"Those shields used to deflect blows from Galactic and Phoenix, block reality-warping attacks, etc."

I don't recall Magneto ever facing Galactus or the Phoenix (aside from that time he gave the Phoenix a planetary-level stroke, but then again, he was hopped up on Kick at the time and it wasn't even actually him), so I'm not sure what you are talking about.

We're going to see the Legion vs Uranos fight in the Judgment Day tie-in issue of Legion of X, by the way.

This issue of X-Men Red fucking ruled, too.