All-Star Batman vs Green Lantern

[skund]

chipsnopotatoes requested some ASBAR with Batman and Green Lantern, especially the yellow room.

I hope you're READY to be AWED by writing that is as BEAUTIFUL as it is SUBTLE. Because it is BEAUTIFUL. And SUBTLE. And BEAUTIFULLY SUBTLE. So be AWED.

HAHA, GREEN LANTERN can't find BATMAN and has to signal for him. Haha, what a MORON.

Ha, Green Lantern is eating a hot dog. I bet he has HIGH CHOLESTEROL as well as being STUPID.

Okay... there's seriously no commentary I can add to this to make it more eye-gougingly bad.

Then the next issue opens with...

Batman describing Dick as having "fast hands, big mouth" just pushes every single 'NO' button in my brain. D:

In another wall-o'text page Batman declares that yes, he's scaring people and Gotham's crime rate has never been better. Hal calls him a criminal, Bruce counters that they're all criminals and Hal slugs him one.

 

Rube = "an unsophisticated person from a rural area", circa 1900. That's... an interesting choice to put in the mouth of a modern twelve year old boy.

Oh come on, surely we can fit another 'Hal Jordan thinking really hard' panel on that page.

And to demonstrate just how mature and professional they are, Batman and Robin proceed to play keep-away with Hal's ring.

Dick then gets a tad too excited and crushes Hal's windpipe. Batman hauls him off the suffocating Lantern. And by haul him off I mean throw him into a wall and punch in in the face.

Batman and Robin leave just before the ambulance arrives. Bruce takes the crying, snot dripped Dick to the cemetery and the issue ends with them crying in each other's arms in the night rain between the graves of their parents.

Whisky.

Tango.

Foxtrot.
 

Tags: title: all-star batman and robin, char: batman/bruce wayne, char: robin/nightwing/dick grayson, char: green lantern/hal jordan, creator: frank miller, creator: jim lee

Comments

[From: khamelea]

Just plain stupid.

[From: foxhack]

I read this with Linkara's voice.

It makes it...

slightly less bad.

[From: lonewolf23k]

Can't wait to see this issue ripped on AT4W's "Miller Time".

...At least I can hope.

[From: jelly_ace]

Heard the rumors, saw some scans here and there, it's finally here! The infamous yellow room!

And it's badder than I thought it would be! What Miller did to Batman and Robin...And Jim Lee's art...it's a crime, I tell you, a crime!

[From: skund]

I know. Lee is my favourite artist ever. I bought the trade of this, and there's a four-page fold out panorama of the batcave that makes me weep for joy. As opposed to every single piece of dialogue in this thing, which makes me just plain weep.

[From: punishermax]

See this is exactly how you don't do the whole "good guy getting beat up" thingy. Marvel Knights Punisher did it well, because it was actually funny and there was an undercurrent of playfulness to it, but this seems like a 12 year old writing about that kid in class who called him gay.

"Yeah, then he gtes tied up! Yeah ! That dick. I'll show him!"

[From: shanejayell]

Ah, yes, Frank 'WHORES WHORES WHORES' Miller.

DC, kindly stop giving him work, okay? Please?

[From: punishermax]

To be totally fair here. They give him work because at one time he was fantastic. Sin City gets a lot of shit, but some of the stories were really good, even if you could see the whole WHORES issue creeping around.

Batman:Year One if phenomenal, and even if I'm not the biggest fan I understand DKR is incredibly influential. Hell even 300 is well done.

He just has fallen so god damn far and I think DC is both using his name to sell books and hoping he rises from the ashes again.

[From: frolics]

at first I thought this was awful, now I think it's hilarious. lemonade!

[From: jaybee3]

All of ASBAR is so ridiculously bad its not funny. We've all heard the stories about how over the years Levitz and Co. wouldn't let the cartoons/movie/whatever use some of their characters because it would make them look bad (like the Justice Society veto in JLU or the use of Hawkman/Katar as the villain leading the Thangarian Invason also in JLU) and yet nothing could make DC look as bad as this book. Someone OKed this hitting the stands?

[From: jcbaggee]

I love these pages, but what I love more is explaining it to people, then showing them the scans. There's a beautiful look of shock when they realize that, no, I'm completely serious.

You cut out the best line though!

"DAMN YOU AND YOUR LEMONADE!!"

[From: skund]

I know! I'd forgotten how long this sequence is, and some good bits had to be cut out due to page restrictions. I really wanted to post the page with Dick doing his Batman impression for the press, and Bruce's "I feel a CHUCKLE that starts in my GUT, all BLACK and HARD and SHARP as an industrial DIAMOND".

[From: heartsalliance]

This makes about as much sense as "MATCHES INTO THE SNOW, ALL IS EQUALIZED!" and just as awesome! Awesomely quotable! Also, Hal totally is a rube.

[From: stubbleupdate]

AM IN PURSUIT AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE

[From: whatdoyousee]

Made my night. WTF, indeed.

[From: liara_shadowsong]

The concept of a yellow room in which to talk to Green Lantern when you don't want him to use his ring, and then serving lemonade, is funny. Much of this scene, however... not so much so. The initial concept of ring keep-away was almost cute, the accidental windpipe-crushing... um, no. So, while there were some aspects of this scene I found charming, in general I have decided to definitely not buy the book.

[From: lonewolf23k]

Of course, the entire premise of that encounter means Miller never bothered to do his (censored) research on Green Lantern, or else he'd have known Jordan's dealt with enough Yellow opponents in his life that Batman's Yellow Room trick would barely slow down a COMPETENT GL.

...But that would involve Miller doing some competent writing, instead of just godmoding ASBatman.

[From: skund]

Heh, Miller write a competent GL? Hell, the man doesn't even let Superman fly. ASBAR reads like bad fanfic written by an obsessed, immature Batman fanboy.

[From: perletwo]

Isn't "rube" also circus/carnival slang? If it is, then it makes a little more sense coming out of Dick's mouth. (Assuming ASBAR Dick is still circus. I've only seen what's been on s_d.)

[From: ravenous_raven]

yeah, I believe it means a gullible circus customer...don't really remember.

but then that would just open up a whole other can of stupid for this version of Bats, since he doesn't even know that much about the culture Dick came from to notice that hey, that might be a tip-off to Hal that Robin's a circus boy just like Dick Grayson... -_-'

[From: yaseen101]

Mandatory Frank Miller reply:

[From: 3goodtimes]

Hahahahaha!

[From: chipsnopotatoes]

Am I the only one who finds the yellow room concept brilliant?

Really hard pressed to find a favorite line...just too funny.

Thanks Skund. These scans are worth their weight in GOLD!

[From: midnightvoyager]

You aren't. As stupid as every bit of it is, I tend to completely ignore the dialog and crack up at the yellow.

If you ignore the dialog altogether, other than "Lemonade?", it's not so bad! For that one scene. Hell, it's a scream if your brain is supplying more Batman-esque dialog in Kevin Conroy's voice!

[From: acton]

I kept waiting for the punch line. And it never came. I cannot believe any of this was meant with a single grain of seriousness. Unless it was some kind of fan fiction.

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?

Oh, Miller.

[From: sailorlibra]

Y'know, this is the first real DC comic I ever read. It's really a miracle I ever got into comics, isn't it?

Though I do remember thinking that Bruce was really hot in this. That has not changed. He's just about the sexiest yellow jerk in all of comicsland.

[From: yaseen101]

My SSF radar ('Stupid Sexy Flanders') goes haywire whenever Bruce Timm*, Dustin Nguyen, Neal Adams or Jim Aparo draws him.


*BTAS version was kind of hot, didn't really like Bruce's appearance in TNAB.

[From: spacewolf.insanejournal.com]

I love ASBAR, its just so absolutely ridiculous its wonderful, doe anyone know if there's gonna be any more of it?

Its even better if you read all the Batman's lines out loud in a bat-growl...

[From: skund]

Last I heard ASBAR was still technically on "hiatus". I think because, after having read the messy, violent, bone-rending thing, Dido is too terrified to tell Miller it's dropped. There still two issues to go in this run, it was indefinitely delayed after the issue #10 recall.

[From: lieut_kettch]

"Rube" is archaic in this day and age, but its use has lived on among carnies. That's Dick's circus upbringing talking.

That, and the smell of cabbage.

[From: mullon]

I wish they would continue this series already.

[From: mystery]

I know! Me too. It sold like crazy, too.

[From: kintotech]

...I pretty much laughed at how much of an asshole Bruce was here.

[From: thormonger]

I see I didn't miss much in not getting this title. Miller's The Dark Knight Returns was the final nail in the coffin for me.

[From: 3goodtimes]

God. This book was one of the first I bought when I was new to DC because the art looked so wonderful. It's a damned miracle I didn't give up on comics altogether when I read it. Just a big pile of utter crap.

[From: lamashtar]

::feels so bad for you::

[From: lbd_nytetrayn]

So, why did Bats blow his cover? Was it necessary to save GL's life?

Anyway, this poses an interesting question: is Bat-dickery more entertaining when it's in the old, crack-filled way but not deliberate, or when it's like this, and very clearly meant to be that way?

--LBD "Nytetrayn"

[From: yaseen101]

While I genuinely despise Bat dickery. The only form of Dickery I enjoy however are when they are intentionally funny, like during JL/Avenger's Crossover, Batman tells everyone else not to interfere with the happening of the Marvel Universe but proceeds to beat up the Punisher first without anyone knowing. XD

[From: pallas_athena]

Cameo by The Yellow Kid FTW!!!