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They're baaaAAAAaack...

At last it is time for some more Fuan no Tane+!

Yet first I have a horrifying confession to make. Despite my amazing, hunch-based powers of Japanese-iness, the meaning of this next story remains mostly opaque to me. Through much effort and a great deal of soul-searching however, I believe I have managed to come up with a moderately accurate translation.

Unless I am misreading the title, I'm pretty sure it says something like "The Incredible Tale of the Phantom Wing-Wong."

Young Man: "I, Junji Umezu, lost my genitals at the age of 17 in a freak kendo accident. But I shall not resign myself to remaining a eunuch forever. Where medical science has failed me, I have provided my own solution: by aligning my chakras and channeling all of my chi, I shall produce a gargantuan dong composed of pure spiritual power. And it shall emerge directly from my belly button."

Yes, dear reader, I know what you're thinking: "What IS this CRAP!? Clearly our beloved host, fungo_squiggly, has gone entirely off his rocker. There must be some other, more sensible explanation for why young Junji Umezu is lying there in bed early one morning, playing with his belly button and looking so all-fired smug about it."

But if that were the case, then how else do you explain THIS?

Junji Umezu: “What’s this? My efforts have succeeded! Where once there was nothing, now there is an enormous spectral willy! And so, having fulfilled my wildest fantasies up to this point, there is only one thing remaining to do!”

SFX: *fap fap fap*

Junji Umezu: “Ah, glorious! This is everything I could have imagined. And yet I remain troubled in my heart. For, in addition to my fear of developing hairy palms, I can’t help feel... that if my original, disembodied johnson were to learn that it had been replaced in my affections...”

Ghost: “Junji Umezu! It is I, the ghost of your severed penis! Whyyyyy have you forsaken meeeee!?”

Junji Umezu: “Criminy! My mother always warned me this day would come, and now it really did!”

...

Yep, I went there.

...But no, seriously, how DO you explain this? Haunted belly button, what?

Anyway! Let us forget this unfortunate business and never speak of it again.

Here are a couple of stories from classic Fuan no Tane, in order to cleanse our collective palate.

First up is an old story, yet one I haven't posted on scans_daily before. I guess it isn't up there with the CLASSIC-classics like the Ear-Slashing Monk or Upside Down, but it is exactly two pages long, so... what the hell, here it is.

Surfing Ghost: "Holy crap, I fell off my surfboard! Goddamn this water is cold. Help me, humans! For the love of god, heeeeelllllp meeeeeee!"

Well, frankly, if you're going down to stare at the ocean in the middle of the night in freezing cold weather, you probably deserve to be haunted. Which is not to say you'll be safe even if you are just minding your own business. Behold another 2-page wonder: this one an old favorite.

And so continues the noble Fuan no Tane tradition of ghosts who don't do anything particularly scary! Though that bug-eyed, staring face is kind of creepy, I have to admit.

And so, with that first unfortunate incident completely forgotten, I think it is now safe to continue with another Fuan no Tane+ story. One that makes considerably more sense.

So this one starts out with a little girl and a little boy playing together. I guess maybe they’re playing hide and seek, because the next thing we know, the little girl (we’ll call her Miki) is wandering into an abandoned factory, apparently looking for her friend (we’ll call him Kenji).

Miki: “Hey Kenji, are you hiding in this spooky abandoned building? Come on out, Kenji! Olly olly oxen free!”

Unsurprisingly (because this IS Fuan no Tane) the girl hears a spooky noise coming from behind her.

Miki: “That you, Kenji? Jesus Christ, don’t sneak up on me like that. You about scared the...”

Miki: “HO-ly mother of crap! It’s a ghostly, disembodied head, flying at me from out of the darkness! I can scarcely think of anything more frightening than that. Unless of course--”

Miki: “--It was also doing a barrel roll while screaming ‘Boo’ at me in Japanese. WAAAH!”

I call the girl Miki because her story reminds me a little bit of one of the true classics of the original Fuan no Tane trilogy, featuring another girl named Miki who was also playing Hide and Seek with her friends. If anything, however, the original Miki’s story is even more frightening.

It begins with a group of young children playing Hide and Seek, of course. Young Miki is looking for some place to hide, when another girl unexpectedly takes her by the arm.

The place in question turns out to be a spooky-looking abandoned house. The two girls settle in to hide.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love the way you can feel the tension slowly rising, as the strange girl just sits there silently, and Miki gradually realizes that something is wrong.

What follows is (in my own, totally not-ironic opinion) the single most frightening page in all of Fuan no Tane.)

Now to me, that is just plain terrifying. Notice how we’ve never seen the other girl’s face?

And so...

Due to posting limits and such, I’ll have to leave it to your imagination as to what young Miki sees in that second panel. Still, I’m probably doing you a favor. Nakayama Masaaki can draw a hell of a scary face when he wants to, but in this story, I was left wishing he had just stuck with the ominous, obscuring shadows he had used on the preceding page.

And now, for my final Fuan no Tane+ offering for this week, I give you the story of “The World’s Most Ass-Kickingest Japanese Office Worker Ever.”

It all begins when the office worker in question (I’ll call him Mr. Hiro) is putting in some overtime in his cubicle late at night. Apparently Mr. Hiro’s office has a roach problem, because when he hears a spooky noise in his empty office building late at night, his first instinct is to grab the bug spray.

SFX: *skitter skitter skitter*

Mr. Hiro: “That’s odd, what could that skittering noise be? Bugs, no doubt. Cockroaches, perhaps...? It is a good thing I always keep a can of bug spray in my cubicle, is it not?”

SFX: *SKITTER SKITTER SKITTER*

Mr. Hiro: “Ah, it appears to be coming from the air vents. It sounds like some pretty big cockroaches in there, too. Heh heh... It’s a good thing I’m not a character in a horror manga or some such. Because if I was, this would be pretty...”

Ghost of Junji Umezu’s Severed Penis: “Boo-fucking-ooo, suckers!”

Mr. Hiro: “Oh shit, it’s the Ghost of Junji Umezu’s Severed Penis! Goddamn that thing gets around!”

Yes! It is indeed the ghostly penis, arising once again every night just as it does every morning... exactly as it did in life!

Confronted by a giant ghost-cock, Mr. Hiro does what comes naturally for a timid, effete office clerk armed only with a can of bug spray.

Oh wait, no he doesn’t!

Mr. Hiro: “Die, Penis Monster, DIE!!”

SFX: *SPRITZ*

Now ordinarily I would have said that would never work, and yet...

Ghost of Junji Umezu’s Severed Penis: “ARGH! YOU FUCK! YOU UTTER, UTTER FUCK! IT BURRRRRNSSS!”

The ghostly dong falls out of the vent, flopping around on the floor in a horrifying manner. And then, as is the case with any highly agitated cock, it proceeds to... well... swell up.

Ghost of Junji Umezu’s Severed Penis: “Can’t... can’t hold on any longer...”

Mr. Hiro: “Oh shit! Oh shit! I sure hope this isn’t going where I think it’s going!”

But sure enough....

SFX: *SPLOOGE*

Mr. Hiro: “Ack! Jizz! Jizz in my face! Bleeargh...”

Happily, things turn out well in the end for Mr. Hiro, since every wing wong that arises must inevitably fall.

Ghost of Junji Umezu’s Severed Penis: “Unf! I die.”

SFX: *thud*

Mr. Hiro: “.................... Let us forget this unfortunate business and never speak of it again.”

...

Yes, that was me using Fuan no Tane+ to make one big, extended dick joke. (Hurr hurr, I said “big” and “extended.”)

Yes, I am every bit as ashamed as I should be.

Next time: Less smut, more scares! Hope to see you there!