The Legion: Idiots Without Feelings

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

So much wrong, so little I can post. But I'll do my best.
So, today my thesis is the Legion are fucking idiots. Here is evidence.

Finally looking at the famous first Computo story, I have to say: I never realized just how stupid the Legion were. And how heartless. And how flip they were with the issue of death and mutilation.
So, Brainiac makes Computo. Computo makes more Computos. Marauding giant robot war ensues. Well, not much of a war, as apparently they have no fucking defenses against giant robots in the 30th century.

That's right, in case you'd never seen the actual incident: blink and you'll miss it, the death of Triplicate Girl. Oh, they do have a funeral. And I ask you to pause a moment and enjoy a truly cracky panel. And look, they comment on the amusing irony of someone's death right on her marker! Her folks must have loved that. I guess these ARE teens. Dicks. Anyway...

Hate Face. I want a story with Hate Face.
But hey, it's okay! Only one of her is PERMANENTLY DEAD FOREVER. But no big whoop, just a change of name, and judging by her smile, some really good drugs, and they're set! And we finally realize why they let her in: cannon fodder.

It's time for Proty to start sacrificing himself, but just a piece at a time. And to turn himself into a dildo to get away. Now, a piece of Proty's biomass is, as said here, actually lost for good. This is Cham's pet. It's like his leg was pulled off, and Cham makes a joke about his weight.
But as you can see from his cutesy lines, we were supposed to want Proty to suffer and die. I certainly did.

And here's the Legion destroying time. Seriously, dicks. (yeah yeah, he gets mindwiped, but still) Also: apparently Superboy now thinks the Penguin will be an actual penguin.

And then they let Brainy make something else! I will nickname him Badly Drawn Robot. And...we decide to stop making sense altogether.

I remind you: Brainy's power is being smart.

In conclusion, ladies and gentlemen and all in between, the Legion are fucking idiots, and dicks on top of it. I thank you for your time.

Comments

[ashtoreth.insanejournal.com]

So after he made a computer that went insane...he makes an insane computer to fight it?

[rab62.insanejournal.com]

Of course! What could be more logical?

There's an extra level to this: Jerry Siegel had written the Bizarros as the backup strip in Adventure Comics until they were displaced by the Legion...and here in his very last ever LSH story, Siegel brings in a Bizarro for one last turn before he left the company for good. So in that metafictional sense, it's really quite touching.

[aaron_bourque.insanejournal.com]

Always fight fire with fire.

[jarodrussell.insanejournal.com]

This always happens to me too. I build a giant computer to kidnap Saturn Girl, and it goes on a murderous rampage. When will super-geniuses learn?

[kamino_neko.insanejournal.com]

Come now...you comment on Hate Face, but ignore Leeta 87, the superheroine defeated by a banyo-fruit peel?

[kamino_neko.insanejournal.com]

Oh, wait, I see I skimmed over the reference, apparently. Oops.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Seriously, these inscriptions are like they're saying "loser" all over them. I'm now imagining LSH as "Heathers."

[rab62.insanejournal.com]

In fairness, none of the other memorials were of Legionnaires or written by Legionnaires. Your quarrel is with an entire universe of heroes.

[idreading.insanejournal.com]

Maybe the supervillains who defeated them wrote the memorials. (Can banyo-peels write?)

[icon_uk.insanejournal.com]

It was probably written by Banyo Boy, the malevolent villain who was one with all the banyo-fruit in the universe... and who had an alibi for the time of her death, honest!

[salamangkiero.insanejournal.com]

In the philippines...Banyo means...comfort room or toilet.

excuse me while I have a bit of a brain crash from the imagery...

[icon_uk.insanejournal.com]

No, no, you take all the time you need... sorry about that.

What CAN they have been thinking?

[fredneil.livejournal.com (from insanejournal.com)]

I thought Beast Boy was a Legionaire?

[rab62.insanejournal.com]

In fact, he was a one-time ally, later turned Legion foe in his second and final appearance...which was the previous issue before the Computo story began, so all that would have been fresh in readers' minds.

Although...hmm...now that you mention it, this raises the possibility that since Beast Boy died right after fighting the Legion, they may indeed have been the ones responsible for that memorial. I may have been too hasty in saying none of the other memorials were written by Legionnaires.

(And yes, in old school LSH fandom you'd better believe we spent months discussing stuff like this. In agonizing detail. Is it any wonder we all had to be institutionalized?)

[kamino_neko.insanejournal.com]

BB was one of the Heroes of Lallor, none of whom became Legionnaires - though Duplicate Boy stuck around, since he was dating Shrinking Violet for a time.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Indeed it is! At LEAST one universe.

[noahbrand.insanejournal.com]

I love how the caption says they died "heroically... unforgettably!"

I guess because there wasn't room for it to say "heroically... unforgettably... or in the case of Leeta 87, pointlessly and stupidly!"

[crinosg.insanejournal.com]

I just love how Triplicate Girl (now Duo Damsel) is having a big laugh over the fact that one third of her was just killed by Brainy's effed up science project.

As I recall, post crisis she had a bit more adverse reaction to being pared down a bit, could someone post said reaction?

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Maybe she's trying to make them think dying is fun so they'll try it too.

[crinosg.insanejournal.com]

serves em right considering how flippant they were about it at the time.

I mean, they didn't even focus on it in the panel, it was just cluttering the background.

[perletwo.insanejournal.com]

Done. (http://asylums.insanejournal.com/scans_daily/661232.html")

[arbre_rieur.insanejournal.com]

No snark or irony, this is some really creative plotting. I like it!

[idreading.insanejournal.com]

Every time anyone praises the original Legion beyond all others I get confused, because this is all I ever see of it. Bizarro Computo and the girls turning evil and wanting Brainy to do their housework, and yeah. (That sort of insanity can be lots of fun, but they seem to take it so seriously.)

Of course, my favorite run, Post-boot, had the Bizarro Legion in it ... but at least no one died?

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

My favorite Legion is the original, but not this. 70s-80s for me. Basically Cockrum, Grell, Sherman and Giffen.

If this was Siegel's last LSH story, did Shooter follow him? How nice. "See ya, Jerry, we'll be replacing you with a 13-year-old kid." Though in fact, I remember Shooter's LSH being far better-written than this.

[kamino_neko.insanejournal.com]

Yyyyyeeeeah, Seigel's Legion stories were really not very good, on the whole. (Actually, Seigel's non-Superman stories have never been very good, IMO.)

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Every time I read a story by him or Joe Simon, without their famous collaborators, I have this disappointed feeling like, "B-but---this SHOULD be better, these guys are legends!" But it turns out they were really just geniuses at concepts, not execution.

[khaosworks.insanejournal.com]

After Siegel, Edmond Hamilton took over for a bit, in the gap between Siegel and Jim Shooter.

Hamilton's short in-between run brought us "The Legionnaire Who Killed!" (ADV #342), where Star Boy is tried for breaking the Legion Code, albeit in self-defence, and in a quite remarkable twist, is not given a reset button but actually expelled from the Legion. He rejoins some time later.

This was followed by "The Evil Hand of the Luck Lords!" (ADV #343), which is a typical "mystery" Legion story, but features some nice art by Curt Swan and sets up the Luck Lords which would appear later in Legion lore (and most recently in the first arc of the new The Brave and the Bold comic).

Then there's the two part Super-Stalag of Space story, "The Super-Stalag of Space!" and "The Execution of Matter-Eater Lad!" (ADV #344-#345) which is actually a pretty nice pastiche of the movie Stalag 17, although it ends on a rather odd note, that of Matter-Eater Lad becoming overweight due to an altered death-ray filtered through Superboy (don't ask).

And finally, along came Shooter, with "One of Us is a Traitor!" (ADV #346, Jul. 1966) and "The Traitor's Triumph!" (ADV #347, Aug. 1966), introducing Karate Kid, Princess Projectra, Ferro Lad, Nemesis Kid and the Khunds. Not bad for a debut! It's marred a bit by his amateurish layouts finished by Shelly Moldoff in Part One, but Part Two has Curt Swan returning to clean up Shooter's layouts, inked by George Klein. And a new age is born.

[rab62.insanejournal.com]

To be nitpicky, Ed Hamilton took over as full-time Legion scripter all the way back in Adventure #306, and he held that title for the next forty issues. The handful of remaining Legion stories by Jerry Siegel over the next few years were the fill-ins. It was Hamilton's retirement from comics writing (combined with Siegel's departure to pursue another legal action against DC) that made editor Mort Weisinger receptive to the idea of bringing aboard thirteen-year-old Jim Shooter as a new writer.

(And perhaps this is the appropriate place to note that I wrote an essay on the odd relationship of Siegel and Hamilton with Weisinger for the LSH-themed anthology Teenagers from the Future (http://www.amazon.com/Teenagers-Future-Essays-Legion-Super-Heroes/dp/0615203221), so I've spent more time contemplating this than is strictly healthy.)

[timgueguen.insanejournal.com]

"Though you kill me...and some other humans...." And we're supposed to be upset this particular guy is being killed why, exactly? HIs clumsy dialog makes it sound like he's more important than the rest of the population.

Computo isn't too bright. He kills Triplicate Girl, whose power really isn't particularly useful, especially against him, instead of killing Lightning Lad, whose electrical powers would presumably be a major threat to a computer.

[vignettelante.insanejournal.com]

"Though you kill me...and some other humans..." made me think of Futurama. It's the kind of line that someone would say there.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

COMPUTO reminds me of Futurama.

[vignettelante.insanejournal.com]

True :D

[icon_uk.insanejournal.com]

Lighting Lad was no problem, as Computo's surge protector was top notch!

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

My favorite part? Computo has to press buttons to operate himself, including his death rays. JAYsis, Brainy, what, you wanted that Commodore retro feel?

So, votes. Horrible evil robots their creators don't think through.
Ultron or Computo?

[(Anonymous)]

Plus, people in the 30th century apparently remember Erector Sets.

[jlbarnett.insanejournal.com]

anyone think Mog Yagor is actually the big green thing?

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Me. This guy too:

http://livingbetweenwednesdays.com/?p=494

[artnouveauho.livejournal.com (from insanejournal.com)]

I was too shy to ask for more LSH on the requests thread, but you read my mind! Thank you.

I blame mightygodking for my recently-discovered Legion love.

[sd_mouser.insanejournal.com]

Leeta 87 = First woman in a refrigerator?

[04nbod.insanejournal.com]

you are using silver age comic books as an argument for good writing and sense?!


This post has too much awesome WTF-ery!

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

What I like is the way Computo just stands there for a bit after Badly-Drawn Robot is created, with this sort of "Uh...okay" look on his "face."

[psychop_rex.insanejournal.com]

I dunno - for crazy Silver Age stuff, probably created under Weisinger, this ain't bad writing. True, it's terribly uneven - they barely notice Triplicate Girl's 'death', and then they spend about ten seconds going 'yaay! She's back!' before dropping that to focus on the punchy stuff - but what works actually works rather well. Although TG's death IS handled rather cavalierly, the fact that she DOES die (or part of her, anyway), along with a number of innocent civilians (or so it's implied) make Computo a fairly dangerous menace, for the Silver Age. Considering that most villains of the era only went as far as setting up easily-beaten deathtraps, Computo is clearly a robot to be taken seriously.
Also, despite the fact that it winds up being punctured by her, uh, not being dead, Triplicate Girl's funeral is actually a rather nice moment. The concept of an intergalactic space graveyard for dead superheroes is an interesting one, and if it weren't for the one character who died due to an alien version of a banana peel, this would actually be rather moving. I almost get the feeling that Seigel started to write the scene as a straight death scene, only to have in intercepted by Weisinger, who bawled him out and demanded that it be fixed.
And, I'm sorry, I like the Bizarro-Computo. Bizarros are just so weird that they can't help being funny, at least in my opinion. "Oh, goody! Me am being destroyed! How very nice!"
Oh, and the Joker's looking rather dapper in that picture.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

What I'm noticing, though I already should have, is how much Swan relied on his pose & expression file. I think I've actually seen one of the model sheets he used for Superman's face somewhere. But he really did re-use the ol' faces, and when outside of that, I would suggest his imagination was pretty wanting. I always thought Swan drew some of the best real people, but worst aliens and monsters of the Silver Age--he's like the Anti-Kirby.

Don't believe me? Lookit one typical example:
http://www.seanbaby.com/hostess/v2superman02.htm

[psychop_rex.insanejournal.com]

Did Swan draw that? I don't see his signature or anything.
I dunno - I think he got considerably better with practice. For instance, he provided the art for 'Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?', and that has great artwork.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

Trust me, that's Swan. He's unmistakable.

It's not a matter of his competence, it was that he was a...I'll be kind and say "professional."

Granted, there's only so many ways you can draw expressions. But if you look at a lot of Swan at once it starts to be pretty glaring how much he relied on his model sheets.

[psychop_rex.insanejournal.com]

I'll take your word for it - I haven't really seen enough Swan artwork to judge.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

He provided a solid and serviceable artwork, but often it lacked the majesty, I guess, one would expect for Superman. To me it really depended on the inkers he got, and in the 70s unfortunately that usually meant Chiramonte or Colletta, neither of whom inked like they cared, which only underscores Swan's flaws and didn't enhance his strengths.

When, however, he had an inker that had a strong character of their own, his work became an excellent framework. The Moore story is a case in point: Perez and Schaffenberger. And then there was Murphy Anderson, usually considered his best inker. (though there's something about Anderson's way of rendering faces that kind of creeps me out) And then there was the truly great work Al Williamson did on top of his pencils. All of these strong cartoonists in their own right. (Anything Schaffenberger inked, visually became Schaffenberger's entirely) The inker of Swan really had to bring something of their own to the table. It'd have been interesting to see what Tom Palmer might have done.

[psychop_rex.insanejournal.com]

Well, all I know is that there are a lot of people who used to consider him the definitive Superman artist of the period. That's the primary reason Moore asked for him, specifically, for the project.

[jlroberson.insanejournal.com]

You know...I'm wondering, as this is the reprint version. Something about the inking style looks wrong. Has this been re-inked?